Gee the'horror' list goes on and on !
I am really amazed that we are as sane as we are after being raised by these nutcases.
I have a question to any of you who have psych training -
My mother was the original passive abuser and my father was the N in the family.He waged psychological warfare on his children(4) and savagely controlled and stifled my mother. She had a nervous breakdown when I was 4 years old. He fit the stereotypical NPD profile and she fits the passive dependent wife cut-out . However he died in 1993 and since then my mother and my youngest brother now behave and sound just like my father. The same grandiose self-opinion,the same sneering attacks and so on, the same control attempts via money and so on.
My question is this . What in psych terms is going on here. I do love psych jargon. You guys have all the cool words. I am but a humble engineer who has access to the stadard physical science talk stuff which is a bit old .
Tell me about my Mom and my bro...
Johnimo
I'll take a stab at this, without using technical psych words, though. Sorry, John, i am a new student. But if you give me another year or so, i may be talking like a pro on this topic.
From what i understand about N people is that they did not form proper attachments with their parents or primary caretakers at the age of two. They are stuck in what Freud called the "anal" stage because they were not given the safety, freedom, and patience/love to learn properly how to control themselves (such as in bowel movements), thus, they grow up to control others. When a child at this age is harshly treated, he/she will withhold and become anal retentive because at age two, feces is looked upon as gifts to please the adults.
So, being anal would mean they are very irritable and frustrated with themselves and with life in general. This is the stage when they developed their extreme negative outlook on life. Then they become fixated or stuck in this stage, and are caught in a lifetime of using people to deal with their inner turmoil of frustration.
Because it started so long ago, it is so difficult to undo the damage and start fresh all over again. This is the most challenging of all the personality disorders. good luck to anyone who has been in contact with one.
For me, personally, there is no benefit to being around one, except for scientific study to observe and learn about them, in order to help treat those who have been destroyed by them. Thank goodness for all those books and websites like these that are readily available to help people who have suffered at the hands of N people. What Salvation !!!
Now back to my explanation of John's family:
All N's attach to N-enablers and form a symbiotic relationship, so when one passes away, it is very common for the remaining one to attach to another one to replace what was lost. For John's mother, she will form the same N relationship with whomever is around. In this case, there is a younger brother to fit this need. Without another N to form the mutual relationship with, John's mother would feel unwhole and void. She has been accustomed to a lifetime of being an N-supplier, so it would seem she really cannot live without continuing in this lifestyle, no matter how unhealthy it seems to most of us who know better or differently.
Hope i have shed light on this topic.
Switzerland
