My brother & I had a damaging upbringing with our highly narcissistic and occasionally psychotic mother. She could be very violent (to herself as well us – with show-stopping behaviour such as slashing her own throat when I was 1 and brother was 4), and he got the worst of it, being abandoned in foster homes and hospital for his first 2 years until someone wanted to adopt him and my mum decided he must be worth something so she’d have him after all.
As you might expect, my brother is far from normal and as difficult in his own way as my Nmother. He is a pathological liar (supporting his desire to give nothing to anyone/maintain his place as uber-victim), paranoid and mean beyond all limits of decency.
Illustration: when I was 8, my mother decided to send me away on the school skiing trip with my brother’s school (he was 11). It was my first trip away from home, I was at least 3 years younger than any of the others (none of whom I’d ever met before), and I was not only the sole kid-sister attending, I was the only girl. We shared a big, cold dormitory, I was bullied by one of the boys and ignored by my brother. I froze every night under one blanket in an unheated dormitory on a mountain side in Switzerland. At the end of two weeks, as we packed up and made our beds, my brother put an extra blanket from his bed onto mine and I realised with astonishment that whilst I’d been freezing for two weeks under a single blanket, my brother had taken one of mine and had been cosy under three.
My brother is now 45 and works in a high paid position, earning at least five times what I earn in a year. He recently came have lunch and to spend the day at my house with my mother (who he lives with rent-free). I asked him to pop down the road for a pint of milk and his hand immediately shot out towards me for money.
Nmother's narcissism and guilt means that now she enables all his terrible behaviour by supporting his twisted world view (i.e. when he lived alone, he believed that the old folks next door were gassing him – one of them had emphysema and needed oxygen – and my mother supported him in this sick belief).
He constantly says he is broke and if you challenge him he becomes instantly enraged. He lies all the time to conceal his large holdings of shares, and how much he earns so he won’t have to spend anything. This weekend we went to visit my father, who poured us each a glass of wine. Quick as a flash, he reached out for the bottle and topped his up to the brim to make sure he had the most.
His meanness is beyond all description and I find it disgusting. Incredibly for such an otherwise poorly functioning individual (virgin at age 45 – hates women) he earns more than all of his small social circle put together, but has never invited anyone for a meal, or done anything generous. All he does is take. He IS Scrouge.
Does anyone else know someone who exhibits these traits of meanness and paranoia? Is this standard N behaviour?
