Top Three

[Marta]

Amazing how we all share common triggers, and how often lying comes up in this list!

D'smom:
as i was thinking it made me wonder... how my buttons have changed over time..... and also to wonder, what are the origins of 'buttons'.  im sure we all dislike things we or ones we care about have been personally harmed by. that would make sense.   very interesting.

Changing buttons, like trading red buttons for blue ones when you are in your forties! That's what I was thinking of when I read other people's responses! I guess by button I don't just mean likes or dislikes, but those situations that give you the willies, that feeling in the pitt of your stomach, make you see red.

WHen I was younger, I too used to hate hate hate blaming, scapegoating, etc. Then I learnt to put these behaviors in perspective, to walk away from blamers, dealing with bullies, etc. Now I still hate them, but they no longer give me the willies. I even feel tender for them in an odd way sometimes, because at least they are being so open and honest and out there about their malintentions.

But I can't can't can't stand N gameplaying, being manipulated, being slapped on one cheek and kissed on the other. That is what my mom did to me, so that is my button. Anytime I feel confused about someone's behavior, I get the willies. I recently found validation for this in THe People of the Lie (super duper book by the way, the best I've seen on NPD, although you gotta discount his rant on being possessed by satan and exocism etc.). "There is another reaction that evil frequently engender in us: confusion."

     

[amethyst]

Amazing how we all share common triggers, and how often lying comes up in this list!

D'smom:
as i was thinking it made me wonder... how my buttons have changed over time..... and also to wonder, what are the origins of 'buttons'.  im sure we all dislike things we or ones we care about have been personally harmed by. that would make sense.   very interesting.

Changing buttons, like trading red buttons for blue ones when you are in your forties! That's what I was thinking of when I read other people's responses! I guess by button I don't just mean likes or dislikes, but those situations that give you the willies, that feeling in the pitt of your stomach, make you see red.

WHen I was younger, I too used to hate hate hate blaming, scapegoating, etc. Then I learnt to put these behaviors in perspective, to walk away from blamers, dealing with bullies, etc. Now I still hate them, but they no longer give me the willies. I even feel tender for them in an odd way sometimes, because at least they are being so open and honest and out there about their malintentions.

But I can't can't can't stand N gameplaying, being manipulated, being slapped on one cheek and kissed on the other. That is what my mom did to me, so that is my button. Anytime I feel confused about someone's behavior, I get the willies. I recently found validation for this in THe People of the Lie (super duper book by the way, the best I've seen on NPD, although you gotta discount his rant on being possessed by satan and exocism etc.). "There is another reaction that evil frequently engender in us: confusion."
     

Marta, I loved that book. It is a blockbuster for someone who is trying to understand evil and how it can hide in the everyday, confusing all of us.  Peck talks about the dowdy and insignificant little couple who gave their surviving son the gun his brother had committed suicide with as his only Christmas present....that really showed the banality of evil, especially when they didn't get it and couldn't be bothered to help their son with his depression. It was a most chilling story and opened my eyes to different forms of "lying." (I'm Jewish, so I just skipped over his stuff about exorcism. But maybe there is really something to it? I just don't know enough one way or another.)

[Marta]

Amehtyst, yes, just finished the book yesterday, I am still in thrall of this book.

For all those who hate liers, here's a tip
To express your disbelief at what someone is telling you, use your index finger to pull down the skin under your eye and say, "Mon oeil !"Apparently this is French equivalent to the English expression "My foot!"
http://french.about.com/library/weekly/aa020901h.htm
 

[Sallying Forth]

2.  I"m learning to pay more attention to when people seem not to hear me (which has always sent electrical signals to my brain but I must have ignored them or shelved them or who knows....projected them even ).

For instance:  I make a statement, especially about my feelings ,which is ignored and the topic is changed.

I'm getting better at calling that...."hey!  I just said blank.  Now I feel ignored."
Sela

This is one of mine as well and happened with regularity with my Nbrother and his wife. I finally confronted his wife and she stopped talking to me altogether. Probably punishment for confronting her.

1. A friend and I planned to go out to lunch. She called and canceled at the last minute. I found out later that she cancelled with me because another friend showed up as she was going out the door to meet me. When I confront her about it, she told me I'm too sensitive and get hurt too easily. (That friendship lasted three weeks beyond that incident. I cut it off.) Projection

2. (Above) My feelings or statements are ignored or someone just plain acts like I didn't say anything and walks away.

3. Anyone waking me up in the middle of the night to because they can't sleep and don't want me sleeping when they can't sleep!  Or waking me up from a dead sleep for anything other than the house is on fire. Very triggering due to being repeatedly drugged and kidnapped as a very young child. (You are outta my life!)

4. Deception/lying

I have a lot more ...

[amethyst]

Amehtyst, yes, just finished the book yesterday, I am still in thrall of this book.

For all those who hate liers, here's a tip
To express your disbelief at what someone is telling you, use your index finger to pull down the skin under your eye and say, "Mon oeil !"Apparently this is French equivalent to the English expression "My foot!"
http://french.about.com/library/weekly/aa020901h.htm
 

That's great!!    Here is one from the other side of the tracks...the Milwaukee/Chicago/Rustbelt equivalent of BS... BUSHWA!!!    I love to say that. 

Sallying, Your thing about somebody waking you because they can't sleep reminded me of an egotistical neighbor who went to his doctor and was told he could no longer have coffee, spicy food, food with salt, eggs, bacon, beef, fatty foods or sweets. He had three growing boys and one wife who had to go on the same diet, which was basically a little lettuce, some fruit and things like boiled chicken.   If he couldn't have it, they couldn't have it. 

[Portia]

D’smom:
am i a difficult person for that/????  sorry i went over three. im just DIFFICULT@!!!!!!!! Eeeeeekkkkkk
What does being a ‘difficult’ person mean?

“You’re JUST being difficult!” “Why are you being so difficult?” “You’re being difficult just for the sake of it!”

I might say Bushwa!  Does it mean: “I don’t like what you’re doing/saying but can’t think of a good reason why, so I’ll just blame you for me being uncomfortable or not having the answer to your question.”

Let’s all be difficult people! I like being difficult! I like asking ‘awkward’ questions, chasing the facts, asking for clarification, saying hey, that bloke’s got no clothes on (I bet everyone thought the boy in that story was ‘difficult’).

D’smom: I celebrate your being difficult. I think it’s wanting the truth.

Sallying Forth:
she stopped talking to me altogether. Probably punishment for confronting her.
Those punishments that are actually gifts to us! Hope you can laugh about it?

[d'smom]

“You’re JUST being difficult!” “Why are you being so difficult?” “You’re being difficult just for the sake of it!”

I might say Bushwa!  Does it mean: “I don’t like what you’re doing/saying but can’t think of a good reason why, so I’ll just blame you for me being uncomfortable or not having the answer to your question.”

Let’s all be difficult people! I like being difficult! I like asking ‘awkward’ questions, chasing the facts, asking for clarification, saying hey, that bloke’s got no clothes on (I bet everyone thought the boy in that story was ‘difficult’).

D’smom: I celebrate your being difficult. I think it’s wanting the truth.

yay portia   - i have been 'that little boy' (or girl, possibly worse) all my life!   and yes i have been called difficiult many many times....... usually by people with a status quo to defend..... ive never really figured out how to challenge the elephant in the living room with proper tact.    whenever i open my mouth and speak my truth, i  automatically duck.......and duck hard..

theres no doubt in my mind i would have been one of those cheerfully burned at the stake in previous times. by god, the earth is round??? NOOOOO

well thank you portia!!!!  >> heres to challenging, difficult women!..... as my daughter would say boo yah >

[Marta]

D'smom:
whenever i open my mouth and speak my truth, i  automatically duck.......and duck hard.. 

theres no doubt in my mind i would have been one of those cheerfully burned at the stake in previous times. by god, the earth is round??? NOOOOO
O mi god, D'smom, this is exactly how I feel!  I too share your dislike for conflict phobia.

saac Asimov:
"When people thought the Earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the Earth was spherical they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the Earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the Earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together."