I have no idea where you live in the US, but our idea of a police state is the middle east where children can be abducted to and never return. Can this really happen where you live???? Can your 12 year old daughter not go to a judge and PLEAD to come home to you? It sounds Draconian and unbelievable..... DOES SHE NOT HAVE A VOICE?
hi irishrose. i saw your poem on the other thread & relly liked it. . (((((()))))))
yes. i thought it was pretty unbelievable too. but, since it happened, i learned how many thousands of women it happens to..... as amethyst said about her experience..... likely if her ex, the molesting one, had tried to go for full custody, its likely that he would have goten it.... (thank god that he did not!! ) even though he was an abuser. they get custody allll the time.
in this case, them being very rich, living in a different state than i do, me having a 'mental health' background (cause they committed me cause i rean away from home cause they beat me up!!! hhypocrissyyyy) them being influential doctors with friends at the courthouse...... <literally -- when i asked the judge to order us to mediate, i traveled 24 hrs one way on the greyhound to do this crappy mediation, and the mediator was a friend of theirs> all that stuff.... it was a massacre.
they got a therapist to testify against me, who had -never- met me or spoken to me, even though i asked her many times. apparently, this happens alll the time.
they were able to prevent the judge from interviewing D at all or even seeing her one time... and she wanted to be there. so no, she had no voice, and it -still- bothers her.
it was lack of due process to an insane degree -- and thats a big part of what makes me so totally upset and indignant about fixing it. it was legalised rape, flat out. if they had done it fair and square and i deserved it and it was all by the books, (for one thing i wouldnt have lost) but i dont think it would hurt so much or make me so mad........ it was a betrayal even past what my family did. the whole system, not that im that in love with the system, but, the whole system jsut totally let my family down. that was hard to see. im not naiive about the system but i had at least basic faith it would protect myself and my daughter from my own primary abuser when I am almost 40 years old.......... ya know.. this was just a rape.
i always believed, when i was an adult, i would be safe from them. it was all i held onto as a child. when i turn 18, they cant hurt me anymore. i believed in civil rights. you know. when that didnt happen... when i couldnt protect my own child from them --- when the system pretty much helped them do it - it shook me.
however as i learned, even people without all those factors against them lose their kids all the time - just beucase abusers are so smooth and usually the wage-earner. they can outspend and out lie and often thats all it takes in the legal system.....
dont know if you heard of bridget marks. she was the most publicised case of losing kids to an abuser. she had $$ and exposure and got them back though after a while. most moms with normal resources jus cant make it hapen.
it would mean a years income to me, to get us in front of a judge....... not to mention making her feel safe enough to go against them and say what she wants.. i mean- her own mother appears to be completely powerless and crushed down. how powerless must that make a little kid feel.
in the meantime.. they have the legal right to monitor our calls. there is no parenting plan. i was given no classes to take, nothing to work with or work for to allow her to come home. even crackheads get the opportunity to comply with guidelines and try to earn custody again. but not me. dont you think she would appreciate a visitation -schedule- instead of just 'at their whim'... so do i..... but nope.... i cant see her grades. i have no input on medical or education decisions. she doesnt even send me mothers day cards or b-day cards. even people in freaking jail get freaking cards.
the evaluator that did evaluate me, 30 yrs experience, said she saw criminals -in- jail with more parental rights than i have now. their little coup de grace' - when i as a mother feel like ripping out their jugular veins slowly and with a rusty boxcutter, they tell her, that 'the reason i am angry' is beucase of 'my illness' and that 'if i loved her' i 'would not be angry'.
now- i think any mother -not- angry in this position would likely be dead or in a coma or something.
if i should act angry - or show even the least bit how i really feel - im not allowed to talk to her or see her.
how is that for emotional catch-22. must be N heaven. the emotional pressure.... i dont know. perhaps i am conveying it.
Having said that, her poetry is beautiful, but I don't think you should introduce her to an ADULT forum such as this, she is much, much too young to participate.
dont worry..... she isnt reading or participating here...... im just sharing her poetry. she told me i could show her work to friends or to other writers for comment. she has given me lots of other work too..... and i show it to people once in awhile. but with her permission.
i would not let her read here.. she doesnt even know it exists.. i hope thats what you meant.
im not sure if i can convey in words the complexity of everything this all means and all it puts me through emotionally, all the layers. its very very very complicated. this is the first time ive been able to talk about it at all in all four years, and ive had to repress a lot of anger, and its made me really sick. ive only been here since spring and there is a -lot- still to untangle for me.
but dont worry - she is not participating here.
thanks for you post.
anna (d's mom)
