Forgot to mention why I think this is so triggering for most of us. So many n victim issues arose from the plight of the survivors.
- fairness. this was brought up on the attorney thread.
- abandonment.
- failure to have basic needs met.
- lack of important information or any control concerning one's destiny.
- being forced to witness violence, neglect, suffering, with no way to help or escape.
- making desperate requests and not being heard by anyone.
We're up here to use our voices. Let's not try to shut anybody up.
Plucky
Hi Plucky, What you listed are the things that occurred in our families of origin and are very triggering for us. They are also triggering for people that grew up in healthy homes. I try not to use the word "normal" because what is normal may not be healthy, as a therapist pointed out to me.
I'll add a few more to the list.
- Being told that one's perceptions of traumatic events are incorrect.
- Being told that what happened is not so bad.
- Being told it is not ok to talk about it, to ask questions and to look for real solutions.
- Being lied to by parents or persons in authority.
- Being told that being a victim is the fault of the victim.
- Being told that it is not ok to have feelings and thoughts about the trauma.
- Being told that it is important to maintain the status quo and "not rock the boat."
- Being told by another witness to the trauma that since it didn't affect them, it shouldn't affect you.
- Receiving "assistance" for the trauma that doesn't address the roots of the problem, like getting therapy that helps one
become "better adjusted" (in my case, I got therapy that taught me how to be a silent victim that looked great on the
outside) or being institutionalized (in the case of d's mom, who ran away from abuse) for survival behavior.
- Scapegoating of the victim.
- Being told by people who have not been traumatized, or who perhaps are benefitting from the trauma, that those who
perceive the trauma as traumatic are disloyal, crazy, wrong-headed, and need to be silent.
- Being pressured to keep family secrets.
- Being prevented from receiving necessary assistance to deal with the trauma.
For instance, here is a message from the Department of Environmental Quality. Instead of doing the right thing, they are going to do the quickest and cheapest thing, which will pollute Lake Ponchartrain or kill the wetlands. I felt triggered when I read this article because of the list above. I am upset that the media didn't nail this guy down on the fallacies of his reasoning. Somebody should have questioned him.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050906/ts_nm/water_dc "How much water New Orleans holds is open to question.
Van Heerden estimates it is billions of gallons. LSU researchers will use satellite imagery and computer modeling to get a better fix on the quantity.
Bio-remediation -- cleaning up the water -- would require the time and expense of constructing huge storage facilities, considered an impossibility, especially with the public clamor to get the water out quickly. Mallett said the Department of Environmental Quality was in the unfortunate position of being responsible for protecting the environment in a situation where that did not seem possible.
"We're not happy about it. But for the sake of civilization and lives, probably the best thing to do is pump the water out," he said.
The water will leave behind more trouble -- a city filled with mold, some of it toxic, the experts said. After other floods, researchers found many buildings had to be stripped back to concrete, or razed."
Ok, here is somebody in authority who is saying we know the best thing to do, but the
public is not going to let us do it. I tend to take that statement with a major grain of salt. Instead, we are going to do the wrong thing because of the perception that the public literally wants a quick and dirty solution.
Where are all the people that are clamoring to get the water cleaned up quickly rather than building storage facilities? How long does it take to build a storage facility or many? How expensive is it? Once again, are we going to find the cheapest and quickest solution which may turn out to be the most expensive in the long run? Will the public, eg,the victims, will be blamed for something they haven't even been party to?
All I can do is write my representatives and this official, which is what I will do. Will it make a difference? I don't know, but I can't sit by without writing.
If I have insulted anyone of this board, that certainly was not my intention. As I said before, I like to gather facts and develop my perceptions and ideas based on the facts, not based on my particular situation. I will talk about my particular situation when it is relevant, as I did in the case of Brigid's argument about health care. 40 million people in this country are without health insurance and my daughter, who works 60 hours a week, is one of them. Many of the uninsured work in low-wage jobs and have no ability to pay for medical care. I have health insurance. Should I blame my daughter for not having it? Should I stand by and say,"Well, gee. I have health insurance. What's wrong with all those other people who don't and who also don't have the income to pay for any part of their medical needs? They need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps." In my daughter's case, she was severely abused by an N, was not protected by our institutions until it was almost too late, and because of what happened to her, does not function as well as someone who was not victimized. She is a brilliant girl, should definitely be in college, and because of what happened to her, may never have the faith in herself to take that risk and change her situation. (I keep dropping the seeds though
Those are my particulars. On the other hand, I am sure that everyone else who is uninsured and poor has their own story of pain and loss, even if it "just" loss of a good job. Unfortunately, due to outsourcing, most new jobs are in services and retail, traditionally low-paid occupations.
I don't think that disagreement is insulting. I don't think that it is insulting to tell someone that you believe their perceptions are incorrect and offer proof as to why you believe so. I believe that gathering facts and developing perceptions and feelings is legal in this country, despite those who would say that disagreement with the direction we are headed is unpatriotic (translate disloyal). I personally believe that our society is dysfunctional and is a macrocosm of what happens in dysfunctional families. One of the reasons that it is considered uncouth to talk about politics or public policy is due to the same rules of silence that exist in dysfunctional families, in my opinion. I don't believe that it is insulting to say that many people who live an upper middle class life-style have been insulated from the nitty-gritty realities of what life is like for the majority of citizens and also benefit from the economic policies that prevent those who have almost nothing from getting a little more. On the other hand, there are many people from upper middle class backgrounds who are very perceptive and empathetic to those who are less fortunate. (Both my husband and are are from upper middle class backgrounds, but we have never been insulated. Why? I don't know.) Even at our current low income level, we would be willing to pay greater taxes to help those less fortunate.
I may be incorrect in my perceptions, but somebody is going to have to prove it to me by supporting their arguments with the facts and stats that are relevant to the situation.
An uncouth,
Amethyst
