Hi Ceemee,
You are obviously WELL read.
Thank you for the compliment! But I think circumstances put me in a position where I had to learn, no matter what.
Getting better psychologically has been more or less my priority in life since sept 2002.
I have been through psychoanalysis for only 1 year sept 2002-sept 2003 (once to 3 times a week, mostly twice).
I think it was a tough but great experience that could not be replaced by anything else.
It is true that psychoanalysis is really expensive both in time/energy and money, but in the country where I live (France) it may be fully reimbursed... (this is one of the very few good things living in this country
). And behavioralism is not really taken seriously in my country, i.e. ask someone about narcissism, he will not know what this is about...
This is why I am here, and this board has helped me tremendously.
So, after 1 year of analysis, I was stuck and I decided to quit.
6 months later, obssessing nightmares for 10 days about my mother and her sisters and her mother made me think about my analyst's last comment/warning :"remember that the most dangerous person for you in your life is your mother".
I did not want to go back to him, but I started buying books in a bookstore specialized in psychoanalysis, but easy to read . I cried, I got very angry, I sometimes felt really suicidal when I read them (I know now that it is a specific type of transferance expected from someone w/ schizo traits)...but as long as I could get some answers to my questions, I was somewhat happy. And I learnt to cherish my unconscious and my dreams. I also learnt a lot from the internet and from this board in particular.
This year, I met also met a few people who help me get on the right track by pointing the importance of the spiritual dimension.
I finally accepted it as a "gift" and not a curse. And I also learnt not to talk too much about it (especially my mother who is not spiritually inclined at all).
So, my point is that even when desperate/stuck on some big issue, it is important to keep hope and cherish/trust the unconscious.
I have faith in it. My dreams have been my best tool to get forward.
Later, after I have "forgotten" (consciously) the issue , the light or the answer will come in some other way b/c the unconscious does not forget.
And IMO an intersting way of helping this happen is to learn another point of view (or theory/whatever you may want to call it).
After a while you will be able to make connections and link (some) dots together...
So, what worked for me, was first to spend time in psychoanalysis and then have a "self-analysis" (sorry for the pompous term) i.e read books about questions raised but unanswered during the analysis. And observing myself and asking more questions, and so on...
Getting back to you
I'm thinking it might be good to go with a TA therapist or maybe even a psychoanalyst
I would personnaly recommend a psychoanalysis (if your insurance can cover it), and later maybe a TA. It sounds more logical to me b/c the psychoanalysis will provide you more w/ the basis and concepts than a TA which is more systemic than analytic, I think.
The reasoning I had, regarding the choice of therapist is this :
1)only doctors (w/ 10 to 12 years of medical studies) are reimbursed. In other words I would choose a psychiatrist (not a psychologist or psychanalyst w/o medical background).
2)as I believe depression/psychological disorders are at the boundary of the body and the mind, I did not choose a "traditional" psychiatrist as we can see in hospitals (he would tend to ignore the "mind" aspect of the problem and focus on medication).
I looked for a psychiatrist who has his own practice and whose methodolgy is psychoanalysis. It took me 3 months and attempts with 2 other therapists before I could get one that would suit me.
Today, after having analyzed all the transferance stuff that went on during the analysis, I think that my analyst was probably not the best therapist I could have, but a good enough one, regarding my case (not so easy to deal with). Now I am thinking about maybe (next year?) getting to TA group therapy.
But I need to do my homework first, ie. I need to read more books about the topic.
I wish you good luck about finding an analyst (if you can). I think it is really worth, but I would like to warn that it is a very important decision to make in one's life and that it is always a hard time (for both you and people close to you) when you are in analysis -and some time after.
-RL
