Good question-- what is wrong with acting out? I think the answer is kind of complicated. Well, the short answer is it isn't "wrong," of course-- if it is something you need to do. Wrong/right don't enter into it in that sense.
I guess by acting out I mean confronting the real anger, hurt, confusion, and more subtle legacies of this long childhood (including legacies in your own personality-- narcissism you have adopted, as we all do, in imitation of the narcissist in your family, doubts you have taken on in order to make the relationship "work" when you were young, things you blame yourself for secretly that aren't your fault, black and white thinking that reflects how they always treated you, fears of being close to people because of the hurt they might inflict that leads you to ineffective relationships, etc etc) not by really confronting any of it but instead by yelling at your parents. Even if you read something long and articulate, you are still essentially making an official appointment to yell at your parents. They know that, you know that.
Confronting all the stuff you are carrying around with you (legacies of their treatment of you) by yelling at them might be helpful because it might symbolize to you the real yelling you want to do, which is at the legacy you hold inside you, your memories, your hurts-- the protection you want to offer to the child you were. But it will only be a symbol. For some of us we needed to do this sort of yelling (and I did do it, too, to not very good results) to make clear to ourselves that we weren't doormats any more. I don't get the impression you need that-- nothing in your posts suggests you think of yourself as a doormat. On the contrary, you seem armed for battle, which is a good strong place to be if your sword is aimed in the right direction.
But I have sort of said all of this a bunch of times and I think it isn't resonating. Maybe it will later, maybe it isn't hitting a bullseye for you, maybe there are personality (and gender?) differences in all of this and on the other side of your meeting is a better world for you. However it goes, I wish you luck!
One thing I thought of that I hadn't realized before: My relationship with my parents now is only tangentially related to the healing I need to do over my childhood. Because no matter how things are now (and for me they are pretty good) it has no effect on what happened to me then, which is over and done with and has to be processed. I am not sure, now with some distance, that even if my parents had said to me "aha! we see what you mean! we are sorry!" when I confronted them (and I confronted them in a way that made it difficult for them to do that, because I just got really mad and did it) that it would have made as much of a difference as I thought it would at the time. Yes, it would have been nice. But it wouldn't have been the catharsis and healing that I really craved.
Sorry-- just had that revelation and wanted to share-- ignore at your leisure
