Hi all,
I just wanted to share what happened to me the other day. I am
plagued with health problems at the moment, namely Syndrome X
(Insulin resistance), Anxiety Disorder, High Testosterone, and
thyroid problems. I was feeling unstable the other day and this
immense pressure, like my chest and throat area felt stuck, I felt
like I was suffocating. I felt such a strong need to ring my nparents
at 6 am to see if they somehow hopefully changed towards me. Big
mistake but also an epiphany.
At first we were being civil, doing the "how are you's" talking about
my health problems, then she started playing her mind games again.
The last straw which made me leave back in 2003 was my brother coming
over making the accusation that my partner of 10 years had placed a
prank call to his wife at 6 in the morning. She had told him
it 'sounded like him'. I know thats a load of rubbish because I was
with my man in our new apartment that we had secured, before I moved
out SLEEPING!
He couldn't accept the truth, and we ended up arguing and then he
went to hit me, as this happened at nparents place they got involved
and of course took sides, theirs. When I was grabbing my stuff to
finally leave, she had trying stopping me and yelled at my
partner 'I'll kill you' as if it was his fault. None of it was of
course.
So anyway back to the phone call I was asking her WHY she takes
sides, because she was adamant that no one in the family had done
wrong to us. We had to put up with their abuse for years so this
prank call accusation was the last straw. She was carrying on about
how families fight and make up, that the problem was us etc and if
only they could visit us to talk or we come down there. I said No
way.
You see my brother was always the favourite, and no matter what she
will never back me up for anything. Not even his bitch wife who made
the stupid accusation in the first place because I believe she was
always sexually attracted to my partner and had this weird contempt
for him over the years when he has been nothing but good to
everybody.
In fact on my brother's wedding night, she invited my man to have a
smoke with her in an office at the reception centre and while doing
so lifted her dress right up while sitting on the desk to flash her
ugly legs. I have known women who end up hating men who don't
reciprocate or like them back. She is one of them. Sorry I have
digressed. Anyway you would think that a proper mother would back up
her daughter and let her daughter-in-law know she made a mistake.
To say 'Malia told me it wasn't him as she was WITH HIM, I think you
made a mistake dear'. Its my parent's fault for enabling her and my
brother to play these stupid mind games. She has never backed me up
in my life and on the phone she was trying to tell me that we
shouldn't be upset over this phone call business. That it was us over
reacting etc. I will never let that cow sister-in-law think she won,
or appear as if she was right because she it goes against the grain
of everything I believe in.
My family have bagged my partner for years and never wanted me to get
ahead in life, get married, have kids (nmother made me abort my baby
at 19) which by the way I brought up. I said on the phone 'do you
ever think of your first grandchild?' she kept on ignoring my
question so I said there asking it over and over again for like 3
minutes until she said yes but it was just to shut me up. She does
not care. She dotes on my brothers kids. Not once did she ask how I
was feeling about my own loss, she would just yell when I tried
reaching out to her.
She tried to make me feel guilty that my nephew (golden child
brother's son) was asking for me which is a blatant lie because he is
older now and won't remember me holding him as a baby. I said that
one day I will come to collect my cat (because where I live the
landlord doesn't allow pets) and she played a huge mind game on me by
saying 'oh him he is dead now' and as I was feeling devastated for
about 10 seconds she said that he was alright and that SHE feeds him
everyday.
Then she tried to guilt trip me again over my partner's father who is
dying from colon cancer. He is apparantly on his deathbed, but my
partner doesn't want to see him. His father was abusive to him his
whole life. I respect my partner's decision as he is a grown man of
35 and I respect his feelings, simple as that. Yet my nmother was
saying that everybody was bagging us saying that we should be ashamed
of ourselves and that it was MY fault for keeping a son from his
father. Geez I must be powerful eh.
I said if he was dying why were they trying to sell a house and she
got all paranoid and asked how did I know this? I said I saw the
house on a real estate website and she then accused me of snooping on
the internet. See how she twists thing around? researching =
snooping. Also I asked about the money they ripped off of me, $10,000
that I earned and trusted for them to save when I was 19 years old.
They never gave it back to me, they let my brother invest the money.
She said 'you and xxx will blow it' all of her thoughts of me are
bad. She never thinks good of me. She doesn't know that I have been
reading up on wealth creation and would like to invest my own money
towards getting my own home, then using equity to build a real estate
portfolio in the years to come. Many people are creating wealth that
way. She has always known I have had the smarts to do anything with
my life really. When I was younger I had the world at my feet but she
did her best to sabotage and discourage me from everything in life.
Anyway I said that I knew I wasn't going to get the money, but its
the principle, I worked for it nobody else. I said 'I tell you what
put that money towards your funeral, I'll pay for it' and of course
then she twisted THAT around to say I wanted her dead <-- This coming
from someone who told my partner she wanted to kill him. Hmm.
She then tried to say that my health problems were making me crazy,
and that they could help me. That I was being irrational because of
my hormones and not thinking straight otherwise I wouldn't be doing
this to my family. I told her to get help from a psychiatrist and
that until she does, I won't have anything to do with her again. I
told her she will never see my face again or even set eyes on my kids
(when I start a family one day)
I told her to stop leaving me messages, because she leaves monotonous
phone messages which are just guilt trips ending in 'I love you'. She
never said I love you ever in my life. She always denies saying
things that I know I've heard with my own ears and tells me I am in
the wrong and that I should listen to her because she is my elder.
That I will have big regrets.
She also took sides again by telling me off for cutting off my other
brother and his wife. I asked 'Do you know what happened? what was
said?' No because she goes on what they tell her and really she is
just upset that she won't be able to find things out as my other
brother and sister-in-law were her little spies in the beginning when
I first moved out.
She said to me 'I bet whatever photos you had of us you ripped up' I
said 'yes how did you know? I ripped them up and chucked them away,
why would I want to see your face?'. She knows because she KNOWS what
she does to me. She actually enjoyed making me believe my beloved cat
was dead. She is evil!
I'm sure I have forgotten other things that were said, but these were
the main issues brought up. I had to hang up on her one time, but she
didn't even have the decency to ring back. She was content to just
let me hang up and keep things unresolved. I rang back to finalise
what I had to say, that I no longer wanted to know them anymore and
thats that.
I had a huge panic attack after, coupled with nausea and a
choking/suffocating feeling in my chest but eventually I managed to
fall asleep. I still feel like crap but I feel that the call was
worth it because it felt like an epiphany. I know now that they are
beyond help and will never change.
I bet you if my partner's father does die it will be all MY fault. I
killed him. That will be the next accusation. His father stopped us
on the side of the road last year and instead of talking civily to
his son he yelled like a maniac and brought up the subject of money.
Money is not the issue, its the way we are treated. Acknowledgement,
respect, validation and above all Love is not much to ask for and
does not cost a thing.
I leave you with one of my favourite sayings
'Parenthood: the art of bringing up children without putting them
down'
malia aka genuine
