Author Topic: Abuse and forgiveness story -  (Read 3231 times)

David P

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Abuse and forgiveness story -
« on: October 07, 2005, 05:37:10 AM »
I have a friend called K ( not her real name - ha !) and she is at the hospital in a bedside vigil with her dying Mom. K is my friend from college.She is a good Catholic girl,an alumnus of 'Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt' College for young ladies..maybe even a validictorian.
K was treated harshly by the school and her parents and K decided to deal with her pain by forgiving them. She told me about six years ago that she was planning to write and visit all those who abused her and she was,"Going to forgive the b******s whether they wanted forgiveness or not". She was really going to cleanse her soul of resentment by doing this crusade. Admirable !
She wrote to some and talked to her parents for the longest time. However in the process she developed a chronic eating disorder-she is now the size of a small country -I tell her she needs her own zip code.

I talked to her yesterday and asked her how it was going and IF anyone had sincerely apologied or made a genuine attempt to make an amends. She looked at me a moment and burst into tears.
I then asked her if anyone had just listened when she was reading then her complaints about their behavior and she said ,softly, "No!" I asked her what most of them did say and she replied," They just hollered and told me Iwas a screwup and it was all in my head."" Stuff like that ."

I asked her again if she really believed that she had forgiven them and she said," I tried to but I guess that I am still madder than a hornet. So much for this kind of forgiveness".

I asked her if she was just hoping that doing "forgiveness" will make all the bad feelings go away?
She kind of nodded her head -

So now she is sitting in a hospital with her Mom and is holding her hand and feeling a mixture of anger and love and compassion I guess.

 Weird world isn't it?

Chicken

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2005, 06:05:36 AM »
you can forgive people without approaching them and telling them about it.  I think it's best to forgive those who hurt you and still have the ability to do so, in your head, not in person.  Forgive them, for they do not understand... and let it go.  Seems to me this girl was in some sort of denial of what she was really approaching them about.  The reason for her visit was to look for forgiveness from them, which is a whole different ball game... and dangerous territory
Hope you didn't really tell her she needs her own zip code by the way...   :(
I would be so offended if I was overweight and someone said that to me

Brigid

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2005, 08:42:31 AM »
David,
I went through what K is going through about 9 months ago when I sat at my mother's bedside and held her hand while she died of complications of Alzheimer's.  I had to do this alone (well, my brother was there, but I may as well have been alone), crying and trying to process the pain of loss combined with the anger of never having felt loved by this woman.  I never again cried for her after that day. 

Forgiveness comes from your own heart.  I don't know if I have forgiven either of my parents for not being caring and loving and my father's mental abusiveness.  I know I still cry when I watch stories of adults talking of the wonderful relationships they have or had with their parents.  For the most part, I just choose not to think about them and have a sense of relief that they are both gone.  I think my way of dealing with it was to be a great mom myself and giving my children what I never had.  Maybe that is as good as it will ever get.

Brigid   

vunil

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2005, 09:00:13 AM »
I think forgiveness means forgiving even though no one has made amends. If people make all the proper amends, then forgiveness isn't necessary, right?  If the forgiveness has strings attached, then I agree it won't really work (and it isn't really forgiveness).

One benefit of forgiveness, which I am working on with my parents, is that it allows you to acknowledge your own humanness and need for forgiveness.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  I don't mean that it equates the victim with the perpetrator, but for ME (not speaking for anyone else!) I do better not casting myself as only a victim.  It helps me if I realize that I have victimized people, too, out of recklessness or ignorance or immaturity, and I am thankful to think that they might forgive me.  If I can give that gift, too, then so much the better.  I think it's important to do this while maintaining that what the person did (what people did to me, what I did to people) was bad-- it isn't an excusing of the behavior, just an acknowledgment of human fallibility and the necessity of not holding onto the transgression forever.  Almost everything (at least everything not super-horrible) is understandable in the context of the human condition-- parents were badly parented themselves, abusers were abused themselves and/or were born broken, etc.  At least for me that understandability helps me let go a little bit and see things in a broader way-- helps me move beyond a place of anger and helplessness.

I am not sure where forgiveness fits in for super-egregious crimes-- I know that there are people who forgive murderers and rapists and such and I am not sure I could do that.  It is harder for me to imagine the payoff from that-- how my mind and heart would talk myself into it.  But I don't think that when they forgive those people that they in any way excuse what the abuser did or expect some sort of payoff for the forgiveness.   

Please do tell me you didn't tell your friend she needs a new zip code?   :?

David P

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2005, 10:19:27 AM »
Yeh, I did tell her that she needs her own zip code. She knows me well enough to know that I don't say things like that to insult or humiliate but rather to have her confront what she was doing to her body by binge eating. She looked at me all bug eyed after I said it,cried a bit and then said something like," I know you're right you bastard!" (My kind of tough love I guess)

DP.

mudpuppy

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2005, 10:23:18 AM »
Hi David,

Maybe it would help your friend's perspective if she thought of Christ on the cross. He asked the Father to forgive His persecuters as He hung on the cross. All but one continued to ridicule Him and they eventually killed Him.
If you approach perpetrators by forgiving them, they will usually be convicted of their sins and hate you all the more. Precious few will ever have the grace to say they are sorry.
Forgiveness is for the forgiver not the forgiven. I believe forgiving others is so that we might learn to ask forgiveness for ourselves. When we forgive and are spat upon we experience a tiny, tiny portion of what He endured for us.

As for the zip code thing, I hope she is a really, really good friend. :P

Quote
Weird world isn't it?

Its indescribably weird. And the older I get the the weirder the people in it get.

mudpup

Mimi

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2005, 09:17:41 PM »
:Forgiveness is key to healing.  I'm agreeing it is for the person who forgives.  Unforgiveness is like taking poison.  The resentment and bitterness causes problems in my spirit and emotions.  The person who hurt me doesn't even acknowledge they hurt me oftentimes, so I ask God to help me forgive them for their thoughtless words or behavior.  When my parents said some terrible things about me last summer, I asked God to help me forgive them and love them anyway, yet set boundaries with them, I experienced God's peace, love and healing.  This summer, at their 60th anniversary celebration, I believe God vindicated me completely with my family.  I'm waiting for that same vindication with my husband - a narcissist similar to my mom.  Hang in there. Jesus can help us find forgiveness for ourselves, then give it away.  When we do that, we are totally forgiven ourselves for our thoughtless words and deeds.  No one is perfect, I know I'm not.  Let it be a comfort to you, that God sees every mistreatment and wants to help the wounded and hurting.  I'm counting on Him helping me deal with my current relationships.

Sallying Forth

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2005, 02:48:52 AM »
Forgiveness without the necessary inner work first is fruitless. It serves no purpose and it doesn't come from the heart.

David, your friend K. still has inner work to do if she is binge eating. An eating disorder is a sign of unresolved childhood issues.

Also forgiveness does not mean forgetting. I have forgiven but I will never forget lest I come upon the same situation again and stumble into it head long!
The truth is in me.[/color]

I'm Sallying Forth on a new adventure! :D :D :D

vunil

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2005, 12:31:21 PM »
I agree with Sallying-- if you just say you forgive without the other stuff usually what it means is "ok, whatever, I guess I am stuck with the abuse, I'll live with it and pretend it isn't true."

That's why the anger phase is so important, I think.  It gets you out of that way of thinking.  Dave, maybe your friend hasn't had her angry phase yet.  I do find I overeat sometimes when I really want to be expressing my anger/sadness/whatever negative emotion but I am too scared or don't fully realize what I'm feeling.  Of course, weight can be caused by lots of other stuff besides psychological stuff, so I don't want to jump to too many conclusions.

David P

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2005, 06:15:48 PM »
Yes, she has not done the angry thing at all. Her rush to 'forgiveness ' is her way of avoiding getting angry by attempting to place a layer of 'forgiveness' over her feelings about how she was treated. I think that her eating is maybe her way to stuffing down all the anger that she is unwilling to feel and experience in the present. She has a lot of co-dependent symptoms in which she sees relationships with others as vital to her survival.Maybe she had to try this bogus forgiveness thing to realize that it was an attempt to try to pretend that she can make all the anger go away without feeling that anger and then letting it dissipate.

BTW she has started at Jenny Craig
David P.

Sallying Forth

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Re: Abuse and forgiveness story -
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2005, 06:58:45 PM »
Hey David, tell K. to get the book The Seven Secrets of Slim People by Vikki Hansen and Shawn Goodman.

The front page review says:
"Whatever eating problems you've had, we've had them too: sneak eating, bingeing, purging, compulsive exercise, or just forever fighting with the same ten or twenty pounds. Like you, over the years we have tried every diet and weight-loss program in search of the perfect formula to drop those extra pounds that were making our lives miserable."

Also check out the web site http://www.normaleating.com/. They have an online forum support group as well.
The truth is in me.[/color]

I'm Sallying Forth on a new adventure! :D :D :D