Told to die

[October]

I saw my psychiatrist today. It did not go well.

Diane (former t) wrote to him in JULY asking him to make a further referral.  He has not done so, because, he said, first of all the leaflet she said she would enclose was not with her letter, and secondly, because her letter had no phone number to ring to talk to her secretary to request the leaflet.  So for four months he did nothing, rather than find the number for another department of his own hospital?  Does this sound reasonable to anyone?

Finally, he said, in an angry voice; 'You shouldn't even be here.  I discharged you several months ago.'

I tried to explain that he can't discharge me while I am having treatment at the psychology department of his hospital, and that he should have a letter saying so from my therapist, but he denied having any such letter and got very angry.  So I asked to see someone else and he said I could see his consultant, and he walked out of the office, with my file.  When he returned, he stood at the doorway and said an appointment would be sent to me in a few weeks.  In effect, I was evicted.  Kicked out.   For getting angry.

Now I am having flashbacks of him saying over and over 'You shouldn't even be here'.  This is very cruel.   And without any kind of support I have to try to unravel this message, and disobey the injunction it contains, which is to kill myself.

I have spoken with the psychology department, and they are going to try to help, by explaining about the not discharging bit, but there is little that can be done, to be honest.

I wanted to write this down because that helps to get it out of my head, and into reality.  And then I can try to apply reason and think,this man is a moron, I don't have to do as he says.

As I left his office, he closed the door on me, and just before it was completely shut I said 'Go to hell!'  That is the bit I need to try to focus on.  My anger with him, rather than his with me.

I feel totally betrayed by every therapist I have ever seen.  How can this be allowed?

[vunil]

I don't know what to say except that the behavior WAS reprehensible, as you feel it was, and he should be reported to whomever you can report him to. 

I do not know why this is allowed and I am sorry you have to fight this battle at a time when people should be fighting for you, not against you. 

[mum]

October, I am so sorry this is continuing for you!  One thing I just don't understand about so many of these  wacko therapists (not just yours!) is that it has always been my understanding that the therapist must first validate and develop a trusting relationship with the client before anything else, and as a constant background to any work done down the line.
How can therapy be successful if a patient is "written off" or judged instantly as (fill in the blank).

I am taking a class in colleagial coaching and one of the fundamentals is that to honestly help a colleague with a concern, observing and simply collecting information is essential....without judgement.....so that the person being observed can feel safe and come to his or her own conclusions about thier teaching.

So extrapolate that out to therapy:  I have "fired" a few therapists in my day, for judging me or my situation the moment I met them, coming to a conclusion way before any honest sharing had come out of my mouth. It just seems so WRONG.

I have had a few wonderful therapists, however, and the biggest difference is that they do not jump directly to "lets' identify in what way exactly you are screwed up, and then let's FIX it" but instead have a REAL love for their patients and listen with empathy and compassion, and wait until the patient sees patterns, etc....and comes to conclusions in an atmosphere of trust.
It's like the definition or basic philosophy of what therapy should look like is VERY different.
I hope you find a good one soon.....it can be so helpful.
Sending love and light.
Mum

[October]

Many thanks both.  I have written a letter of complaint to the Health Trust.  I don't see what else I can do.

Thanks. 

[Bloopsy]

Whatev!!!!!! I am so sorry October!! What a ripoff. To tell you that you shouldn't be here when you are going somewhere to get help?????? That sounds very abusive and horrible. I have been told that before and it was by the meanest people. I am so sorry and I hope you get that voice and it's message out of your head and system very soon.

[Sela]

 
Sorry to hear about all this October.  What a mess.
I'm glad the psychology department is going to help.
Hopefully the new doctor will work with you instead of against you.

Sela

[Sallying Forth]

What a jacka$$! That unpsychiatrist should lose his license. His behavior is disgusting.  grrr


Sorry you were subjected to such abuse by a supposed professional. Extremely unprofessional!

((((((((((((((((October)))))))))))))))

[Marta]

Hi October,

It is terrible to get stuck in red tape, and it can really get to you. The dcotor sounds a total moron, please don't let him get you down.

Love, Marta

[Xenia]

What an absolute s*** he was.  And what makes it worse is that he is the gatekeeper to the services and trying to deny you what you have an absolute right to.  He is there to support you, not to leave you harmed by being in contact with him.  It makes me furious that people like that are put in positions of power.

I had a similar experience when I asked to be referred to a counselling group from a hospital in London. Rather than just seeing me and referring me or not to a group, he made me come back again and again - about 4 or 5 times - to "prove" myself as worthy; I felt uttlerly defiled by him; he was sitting there behind his professional judgemental boundaries in his suit and tie asking me to turn myself inside out for him week in week out, using my outpourings like some kind of power-fuelled, psychological wank-mag.  [except that he didn't provide tissues!] He forced me to go on with these endless disclosures as he was the gatekeeper to possible group treatment.  When I was finally allowed past him to the group leader, she absolutely had no problem with me being in her group and instantly understood my 'personality clash' with said doctor.

Anyway, as you can see, people like that make me feel really angry so I can totally understand how you must be feeling.  Just remember, there are some dreadful doctors out there, and you were probably just really unlucky to strike upon a particularly unpleasant arrogant one, and should IN NO WAY take his crass statement that 'you shouldnt be here' to mean anything other than he is an insensitive, controlling **** that should not be there himself in that job.

Good on you for making a complaint - people like him should not have anything to do with anyone's mental health.

Take care,

Xenia

[Plucky]

October, what a horrible experience.  It is like a violation over and over again.  Like those horror movies where you keep thinking the monster has died, but it keeps jumping back up.....
I agree with Xenia.  I would only interpret from his stupid statement, that he does not want to be bothered with anyone who does not fit into his easy profile of person he can control, 'help', whatever.  You are complex and you are not tolerating the bull.  So fakes cannot stand to have you around.  (And look at Xenia's happy ending!)
Stay strong.  Were it not for the risk of being a Pat Robertson, I would say that if anyone deserved to die, it would be that idiot.  But I will not say that.
a wicked
Plucky

[seasons]

I'm sorry, this is tragic. Your willingness to go forward and speak the truth, gives hope for anyone in this monsters path.

((((hugs))))

[October]

Thanks everyone.  I wish I could reply to you each in person, but am not strong at present.  Sorry.  I love you all, and I have read every word and really appreciate your concern.  ((((((hugs)))))) This is what has happened so far.

I wrote a detailed report of what happened that same night.  Then two days later I rang the Patient Advisory Liaison Service, and told them what had happened.  The woman there rang Dr I and asked him what he proposes for my future care.  He told her a completely different story from the one he told me two days before.  When she rang back and told me this new story I told her that it was not consistent with what he had said to me, and that I would therefore be making a formal complaint about this man.  And I have done so.

He told her that I was discharged some weeks ago because I have had a lot of therapy, and that the therapy with Diane didn't work, and therefore there was no point offering anything further.  He said that nobody wrote to me or my GP to tell us.  He said the events of the appointment were 'regrettable' but complained that I had sworn at him.  (I told her I think I had a good right to swear!!)

Diane's letter does not say that the therapy didn't work.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  She said it was working, but that I needed more specialist treatment than this town can provide.  Trouble is, nobody wants to pay for that.  What this comes down to is money.

I have sent a copy of the complaint to my daughter's therapist, and also to a 3rd doctor, who fortuitously carried out an assessment of me less than a fortnight ago, and agreed with Diane's recommendation for complex care out of town.  He promised to write to Dr I and let him know this, and I thought he needed to know what Dr I is trying to do.

The PALS woman said that Dr I is not allowed to discriminate against me on any grounds whatever.  It looks as if he is discriminating on the grounds that I decline to take medication, and he thinks that if I am not on medication which he prescribes, that he therefore has no other role in relation to me, and wants to discharge me.  He has tried to do this the last three times I have seen him.  He is also now apparently discriminating on the grounds that I will cost too much to continue to treat.   

I should get an acknowlegement within 2 days, and a conclusion within 4 weeks.  So watch this space.  I do not expect anything other than all the doctors getting together to agree that they are perfect and reasonable, and I am not reasonable.  But it is still worth drawing a line in the sand, once in a while.

[miss piggy]

Hello October!

You are doing such a great job of advocating for yourself.  Sometimes the fact that we have to advocate for ourselves is just exhausting.  We don't want it to be necessary, just give us the dern treatment!  All the more ironic when you consider how many people need treatment and refuse to get it, and here you are cooperating, and this guy is jerking you around.  Hmmph.

Anyway, just wanted to write and say chin up.  I don't think the doctors are going to gang up on you.  Dr. Evil has already changed his tune, you are getting or have documentation to back up what you are requesting, and now you have succeeded in getting "outside eyes" to witness what is going on.  And they are following up.  And why would you make his treatment of you up?  I have a feeling he's going to shape up now that his colleagues and peers are watching.  He probably has a reputation that others can't talk about in the name of being professional. 

I have had similar experiences in the "educational care" world.  I have a child with learning differences.  Some professionals "get it" and some don't and/or don't want to.  One horrific administrator doesn't "believe" in LD until age 11--the age at which that child would leave his school, and therefore, would not hit his budget.  As Deep Throat says, "follow the money..."      Lots of people like him. It's just the way it is!  And speaking of reputations, any time I would follow up on a lead recommended by our school counselor, I would never get a return phone call.  So I stopped using her name, and my calls are returned.  Hmmmm.

Be prepared with your story and you should be just fine.  Relax, you're doing great!!! Hugs, MP

[Mati]

I think I would be requesting to read my notes at this point (some do not charge you).

I would look for any inference that they thought I had a personality diorder, and start to ask this. I get the impression that if they think that you have one especially Borderline, then you will find them being awkward and not providing any help as they feel that nothing can be done for personality disordered and some of them frankly, think that they are a dammed nuisance and the scourge of the National Health System.

[October]

I think I would be requesting to read my notes at this point (some do not charge you).

I would look for any inference that they thought I had a personality diorder, and start to ask this. I get the impression that if they think that you have one especially Borderline, then you will find them being awkward and not providing any help as they feel that nothing can be done for personality disordered and some of them frankly, think that they are a dammed nuisance and the scourge of the National Health System.

Thanks Mati.  That is well worth looking out for. 

I have never been told by any therapist that they think I am Borderline.  I have asked, not about this specifically, but about any PDs.  None has ever been identified.  I am always told that I am capable of thinking and reasoning in a normal enough way, but that I have the reactions to be expected from a traumatic history.

I am sorry if you (or anyone else) have had these same kinds of experiences with doctors.