Dangerous Words - It isn't (or wasn't) really that bad.

[Healing&Hopeful]

Since we have a decent relationship now, I'm trying to separate dealing with the memories of my childhood from the relationship we have in the present.  Does that make any sense?  

Total sense... you have just put into words what I am trying to do xx

[Plucky]

Since we have a decent relationship now, I'm trying to separate dealing with the memories of my childhood from the relationship we have in the present.  Does that make any sense? 
Gail 

Not to me, but that doesn't mean anything.  If it is working for you, that is what is important.  I wonder if your mom thinks about it at all.
Plucky

[Hopalong]

Hi Gail,
I think it might depend on what decent relationship means to you. If it's mostly calm, and if since you see her only a couple times a year you can keep it that way, I do understand the wish not to breach the peace. Or, are you in a lot of present-tense pain whenever you're around her or speak to her? In that case, it might be worth trying to talk to her about it, or ask for another apology if you think she's capable of giving it.

Or do you feel mostly at peace around her now, and it's just when you're on-your-own dealing with the memories that the hard pain comes up?  If that, then maybe it's like you're healing in a parallel universe from hers, and you might not need her acknowledgment of your pain in order to keep making progress with the healing.

I'm not sure this is helpful, but for what it's worth.
Hopalong

[Gail]

Yes, Hopalong, that is very helpful and describes the situation very well.  Mostly, I'm trying to understand why I put up with so much mistreatment from X Bf and XH.  To do that, I've been looking more closely at my childhood.  Sometimes, those memories do cause a lot of pain, but trying to process them with mom just wouldn't work. 

I don't think I need another apology because she has tried, to the best of her ability, to show a lot of support and love in recent years.