suicidal friend

[Bloopsy]

Hi guys i am wondering if you have any acdivece about dealing with and helping a suicidal friend. My friend told me that he is considering suicide, and he is currently living at home with his abusive parents. I am obviously not equipped to help him. He previously attempted suicide with his medication, which he abuses currently. I am very freaked out and also feeling like I can't talk to him so much, because it makes me so scared and angry, and also i just don't feel like talking to me is helpful to him past a certain point, and I am obviously incapable of talking someone down from suicide even though i wish that I was.. I don't know what to do. My only idea is to go to this AA meeting on Wednesday where there are other gay men who might give me their numbers to give to him. I would go to visit him but I just don't know if i can handle it alone. He is very vigilantly negative, and who could blame him, and I am not capable of doing much. I am very scared because I know that he has attempted this before and is also very isolated and smoked crack recently which is a very bad sign. I don't want to call 911--- but I may be being really neglegent not to. i feel like getting him in touch with other gay males who may be in a position where they could help him may be the best idea but what if time runs out????? He is very isolated from all but the exploitative aspects of the gay community which adds to his depression. I am not capable of dealing with this at all---- I feel weird calling this guy from that meeting because he is very young and I feel like I may overwhelm him, and thought that if I just spoke about it at a meeitng that those who were capable/felt able  to handle it might offer to give me thier numbers to deal give to him which might help him to break out of his isolation. Am I playing God by not calling 911??? I do not want to traumatize my friend further and I don't trust those people to treat him well . I had another friend who was suicidal and they came to take him away and when he got out he drowned himself in a river and I think that the trauma of being forced to stay in a hospital contributed to his death.

I guess I also just feel really mad at my friend for some things that he has said to me over time which have hurt me very badly, and I am trying to write them off because how can I expect him to be sensitive to me what with how he is feeling, but at the same time I feel overwhelmed by him talking about killing himself all the time and being sort of mean about some stuff that is sensitive to me----- he is my closest friend and I admit that I want to withdraw at times--- but at the same timie to do all that I can to help him.

[Bloopsy]

hey--- I think that I will go to visit him, he lives about 3 hours away from me, and try to find someone that is willing to come with me. I think that it is the best I can do. 

[Bloopsy]

Hi I guess that I will ask him to come to visit me for a few days on the condition that he comes with me/ goes on his own to meetings????????? I know that I am sort of answering my own question--just very worked up!!!! I guess I would appreciate any tips on taking care of myself around him-- it is very difficult and the last time he was here after getting in a fight with his father I became very overwhelmed and was unable to be of much help to him due to being so scared that he would not be okay--

[Plucky]

Hi Bloopsy,
How about calling a suicide hotline and asking advice.
I am not sure it is a good idea to try to save this guy on your own.  Sometimes it is a losing proposition and then how will you feel?
I am hoping for you all the strength and all the good luck in your various situations.
I am pulling for you.  Wish I could do more.
Plucky

[Mrta as guest]

Hi Bloopsy,

I did not knpow that you have been through so much trauam, having a suicidal friend and another one who already took his life. That is terrible.

I can feel your pain and concern for your friend. I would not call 911, but I don't know what I would do either. How about asking someone from AA for help? They might have an idea. Also, there must be suicide hotlines, how about asking your friend to call one up?

Mrata

[Bloopsy]

Hi (Marta)))) It's true it's sort of extra scary once you are made blatantly aware that it is not just talk or something and the devastation and everything that follows suicide and it is just icky but at the same time my friend just does not seem willing to reach out for help which I understand because he has been very very burned over and over again and especially by his own mother, although he happily told  me that she left him some snackks but that just makes things even more complicated because she may leave him snacks but I have a feeling she will never be able to give him much else especially the love that he needed and still needs from her and that he is waiting for. Anyway thank you for  being so kind, I admit that I am feeling sort of angry at everything because looking at the way he has been treated and stuff and trained and everything it just seems so unfair , and also the fact that I can really relate and everything and trying not to go into denail myself about the way my family treated me so that I am doomed to repeat it in torturous relationships with others and stuff, but anyway, and I do not want to go into denial about my own stuff so that I can be there for him, which especially is dumb because he doesn't like me when I am in denial and doesn't want to talk to me!!!!!!! whatecv!!!!!!!!!!!! hugs to you  I hope you have a very nice day!~!!!! I am meeting with my new sponsor to do the first step tonight!! yay.

[Bloopsy]

hey I called a hotline and they gave me some numbers for him, which sound sort of promising ( a bit!!!)------ he is very picky and everything and I know that it is hard when you still are waiting a little for your parents---- but at least there are these numbers. Anyway, the woman told me that it was not necessary to call 911 except if he tells me that he has overdosed, obviously, so there is not much else to do but try to be a good friend I guess. Thanks for your tip!!!!!!!!!. Love, Bloopsyrose

[Moira]

Hey Bloopsy! Sorry to hear about your friend. As you likely know i've worked for 20 yrs in psychiatry- 15 yrs of it emergency dealing with crisis. your friend needs to take some action- or not- on his own. He does have risk factors and the fact he' smoking crack is not good- not from judgemental point of view. I don't see anything here that would make me think he could/should be hospitalized against his will. He is in control of his behavour. You've done all the right things in supporting him and giving him resource numbers. There's nothing more you can do. I agree with comment about not rescuing him or sacrificing yourself for him. You need to take care of yourself and he needs ot be responsible for himself. good idea mentioned by ? Plucky- to perhaps contact a crisis line yourself or if you have a mental health team in your area to talk to someone about this. Take good care Moira

[Bloopsy]

Moira--Thank you for reminding me about  him having to be responsible for him-- he is to a certain extent but I guess the self destructiveness just takes over. I hav edecided just to keep in touch as usual and remember that he and my other friend who died are very different and just because he went through with it doesn't mean that we all do. Also, he has this opportunity in another town now, and that will get him away.