Letter from Dr Evil

[October]

Here are the highlights of a missive, which Dr Evil has sent to my GP, and copied to me.  Needless to say, I have forwarded this to the complaints department, and asked for it to be included alongside my complaint.  It is full of lies.  Anyone here recognise me from this description????

"October was clearly agitated and angry today.  She remains convinced that she needs long-term psychotherapeutic intervention.  She does not need psychiatric input as she remains reluctant to start any psychotropic medication.  She became verbally abusive towards me as she was clearly not happy with my various suggestions.  I had to terminate the interview today due to her inappropriate and rude behaviour.  We noted that October has had extensive psychotherapeutic interventions in the past.  She has also had previous aggressive outbursts.  Our Trust remains a zero tolerance policy - any form of abuse, verbal or otherwise.  I plan to report this incident to Trust managers.  In the meantime, October will need to be re-assessed by the Complex Therapy Service as to whether or not she would benefit from further psychotherapy.

With regards to her mental state today there were no clear signs of depression, anxiety or psychosis.  However, it was extremely difficult to establish any sort of therapeutic relationship today.  She was wilfully confrontational and aggressive towards me, resulting in unacceptable verbal abuse."

In case anyone is wondering, the 'unacceptable verbal abuse' was to say 'Go to hell' to his almost closed door, with him one side of it and me the other, after he had kicked me out of his office.  And I meant it, and I would say it again, if faced with such an unfeeling b*stard as this. 

I have never ever had any other aggressive outbursts with any doctor whatever.  Diane said that I am very bad at expressing my anger, and that I internalise it. 

Rather shocked at being kicked when I am down, and by a doctor.  Shouldn't be, but am.

In response I have written to my GP to tell him about the complaint I have made.

[Bloopsy]

what a dweeby icky dirty little man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How horrible. I do not know what to say. Just don't take it out on yourself!!!!!!! (((October))))))

[October]

Thanks, Bloopsy.  I am struggling against this new 'reality' of myself as an angry, abusive, aggressive person.  I have to find the real person who is me, but all I can see is this projection that he has made onto me, and which if I am ever angry about anything ever suddenly becomes true.

Very confused.  Very hurt.

However, pretending to be a cork in the sea, until this particular storm passes.

From Trauma and Recovery:

In order to escape accountability, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting.  Secrecy and silence are the perpetrators first line of defense.  If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of the victim.  If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that noone listens.  To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalisation.  After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies; it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it is time to forget the past and move on.  The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater is his prerogative to name and define reality, and the more completely his arguments prevail.

This is what is happening to me.  And what I expect to continue.  Using these words as a straw to clutch onto, to retain my grasp of reality.

[vunil]

That man is a psychotherapist? I have never heard of a therapist talking in that way-- he seems to have no clue what therapy is.  He just sounds like an angry man using psychological language.  What drug exactly is he talking about?  Is there some drug that he thinks keeps people from being angry, and is he actually recommending such a drug? 

I am so sorry you are having such trouble finding qualified psychologists.  This guy doesn't seem useful at all and I am sorry you ever met him.

[dlk]

Hi, I felt it necessary to relay a personal experience of mine.  I am currently in the early stages of divorcing my husband of 20 years.  We had been to individual and couples therapy for 6 years.  The majority of the therapistss thought my husband was wonderful, and I can't tell you the level of frustration I had when he would blatantly lie during sessions.  It is what I call selective memory.  He remembers what ever paints him in a favorable light.  Most therapists picked sides, never mine.  I would be beside myself during these meetings, which I can understand why October appears as she did to Dr. Evil.  It's all about frustration and being tired of going over the same topics with nothing getting better or improving.  When my husband slipped up with two therapists and showed his true colors, he quit.  He was up for it when I would get blasted week after week.  I was so miserable and actually felt my husband was trying to push me into committing suicide.  The main point is that mental health professionals can and are fooled by narcissists.  I have been reading books and doing research on the subject and nothing diecribes my husband more accurately than the Narcisistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  Why our joint therapists bought into his act is disappointing and alarming to me.  They did more harm than good.  My individual therapist is the person who foung the answers, helped me out and kept me sane.  If you aren't happy with your therapist....keep trying!  

[Bloopsy]

(((October))) you are not an abusive person. You have been hurt and it seems like you are willing to speak up for yourself, and that makes people very uncomfortable.

[Gail]

October,

I am so sorry you are having to endure this.  It sounds to me like he's trying to cover up his unprofessional treatment of you. I'm glad you're speaking up.  He almost certainly has treated others this way, too.

To dlk,

I had the same experience with a marriage counselor.  XH refused to go back to the one who saw the situation accurately, so he picked out a different one.  We saw her a few times, then once after we divorced and XH wanted to "attempt reconciliation".  At that session, she pushed me to keep talking about how terrible I was feeling about what XH had done, then criticized me for getting upset and told me I needed to learn how to communicate better.  By then, I'm crying, and XH is sitting there calm, cool, and collected, and telling the therapist he was "baffled" at the depths of my feeling.  It was devastating.  What helped, in a perverse way, was that he admitted to infidelity he had hidden from me after the appointment.  So, he was pretending to be the innocent husband in front of the counselor and watched me melt down, while all the time he knew that he really had been unfaithful.  That was it for me.  I've never regretted divorcing him since.   

XH and I were married for 23 years, so I empathize with what you are going through. 

Gail

[CeeMee]

Hi October,

I'd say it was good that you got your letter off to the complaint department before he sent his.  It would indicate that your letter was not in reaction to his, but rather, his letter was in reaction to your complaint.  That puts him on the defensive.  Now that he's painted you as aggressive, he will seize any opportunity to help push you into that state of aggressiveness to lend veracity to his account.  Beware.  I'm hoping that the line in the letter which states that you will need to be "re-evaluated" will be the opportunity you've been waiting for:  a new doctor, a new diagnosis and a chance to feel healthy again.

Last, but not least, hopefully this action will put Dr. Evil on notice that his behavior will not be tolerated, not even by the most vulnerable amongst us.  I would guess that he will be much more careful with his words and actions because of what you've done October.  Most people wouldn't be willing to put forth the effort to go up against the evils of the world.  Thank you for your courage.

CeeMee

[Marta]

October:
Our Trust remains a zero tolerance policy - any form of abuse, verbal or otherwise.  I plan to report this incident to Trust managers.  In the meantime, October will need to be re-assessed by the Complex Therapy Service as to whether or not she would benefit from further psychotherapy.

October, NO, I DONT RECOGNIZE YOU IN THIS DESCRIPTION. It makes me angry and frustrated too, at what you have to go through. Oh lord, what a horror this profession is! No wonder you had thought about giving all this up and going solo. How hurtful all this must be to you, and to take on the system on yoru own. Just don't let them get you down.

dk, your experience sounds really painful and damaging. Hugs to you.

Marta

[October]

Thanks for all your support.  I really appreciate it, and I am sorry for other experiences which resonate with this one.  (((((hugs to all)))))

I spoke to a friend yesterday, who is connected with the Health Service, and she says as CeeMee does, that putting in a complaint about me after I have put one in about him will not look good for this doctor.  If he had a complaint, he should have registered it the day of the appointment, not several days later, after I have made clear that I am complaining about him. 

She also said that procedurally, knowing that I am making a complaint, he is out of order in sending me a copy of this letter.  He should not have any contact whatever with  me, and that this letter looks like bullying and intimidatory behaviour on his part.  That is certainly the effect.

I have today received a copy of a letter from Dr B, the one who was offering group therapy to the new psychiatrist and to my GP.  He backs up Diane's recommendations for out of area therapy, and will support the recommendation for funding.  He says both she and I worked hard, and that it was working.

He makes no mention of my being aggressive or verbally abusive (because I am not).  He says the therapy was working, but that I need more, and that because there is no more to be had locally this needs to be sourced out of area.

Which should help me. 

If in the end the funding is not available, I will not be surprised.  But Dr Evil didn't even try.  He just wanted me off his hands.   

[Chicken]

It's obvious that Doctor is trying to cover his ass.  He is clearly out of line here as he has to stretch the truth in order to justify his response.   What a disgusting, horrible, insensitive, selfish man.  Don't second guess yourself- don't give the incident any more of your energy, He's not worth it.  I think it's good that you complained though.  If he is that kind of person, then maybe he will have more than one complaint, if not now, then maybe in the future.

[spyralle]

Hi October,

I have met loads of psychiatrists like this.  they are extremely arrogant and know nothing, but the one thing that they ALL have in common is that they love to push drugs down peoples throats like they are going out of fashion.  Big hugs to you October for standing up to him and saying NO alot of people haven't got the strength to do that and end up in a stupourous state.  What the hell do you need psychotropics for anyway you are not bloody psychotic...!!!!!!

There is one good point that I took from that letter though.  Despite all his protestations he is saying that you need further assessment.  this is his acknowledgement that you do need help and it will certainly be read that wy by other professionals.

Hang on in there October.  I am well impressed that you stood up to him.  That's why he is quoting the zero tolerance policy....  he's not used to it.  If I had a ound for every client who had lost their temper with me I'd be loaded, but to me it means that clients spirit is alive and kicking...

Spyralle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[October]

If I had a pound for every client who had lost their temper with me I'd be loaded, but to me it means that clients spirit is alive and kicking...

Spyralle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Spyralle.  That is a good point; I hadn't noticed it before.  Part of me is still alive and kicking.   

Actually, I didn't lose my temper at all.  I was very, very angry, but I didn't lose it.  If I had, he would have had reason to complain straight away, no messing!!  The predominant emotions for me were not anger, but fear and humiliation. 

Selkie

Thanks for your comments.  You are right that he is very insensitive.  He also has issues of his own which are impinging on his professionalism, and which he needs to get resolved.  Hopefully, if I am taken seriously, that will happen.

Now moving on and trying to think of other things.  Not easy.

[longtire]

Hi October,
I agree with what others have said here.  Don't worry about his claims about you.  You define you, not his reactionary comments.  Not at all.  Don't waste another moment on it.  There is something else that bothers me about his comments (yeah, like there isn't enough on the surface already!)

"October was clearly agitated and angry today.  She remains convinced that she needs long-term psychotherapeutic intervention.  She does not need psychiatric input as she remains reluctant to start any psychotropic medication.  She became verbally abusive towards me as she was clearly not happy with my various suggestions.

Even IF all this were true...  Gee, an agitated and angry therapy client.  Does this guy have any clue what he's supposed to be doing?  At all?  Even a tiny bit?  Then he goes on to say that you don't need therapy because you are reluctant to take meds.  Does he have any inkling that that is your decision and your right (as long as you are not insane AND dangerous to yourself or others)?  Also, a verbally abusive patient.  Did he skip class on the days that his classes and training talked about the BLATANTLY OBVIOUS:  clients will be in extreme pain, distress, discomfort, and have not learned how to interact successfully with others yet, so THAT IS WHY THEY ARE COMING TO GET HELP FROM *YOU*!

In the meantime, October will need to be re-assessed by the Complex Therapy Service as to whether or not she would benefit from further psychotherapy.

Do you think he realizes that this contradicts his earlier pronouncement of absolute judgement on you in the first paragraph?

With regards to her mental state today there were no clear signs of depression, anxiety or psychosis.  However, it was extremely difficult to establish any sort of therapeutic relationship today.  She was wilfully confrontational and aggressive towards me, resulting in unacceptable verbal abuse."

Did he also miss ALL lectures on setting boundaries, protecting himself, professional detachment, and dealing with clients who lash out verbally?  Even if what he said was true?  The hole gets deeper.

If I were this person's boss, or in charge of his review, I would note that this person does not seem to have any idea of WHAT his job is, let alone any clue HOW to do his job.  Though his words are phrased as an attack on you, ALL they do is admit that he is not competant and at the very least needs training to fill the gaping holes in his abilities.  How much do you want to bet that this person was one who chose to NOT take therapy themselves while in training to give it?

I often wish I had mud's ability to poke holes in these people with a few hilarious words.  Instead I just get all steamed up about it.  It's wrong and I feel mad.  I'm sorry that you have to deal with/aroudn this person, October.  It is hard enough when you are getting help and support in these situations.  No one needs to behave in ways that just make it harder.  Keep advocating for yourself and trusting the outcome will be what you need.

((((((((((((((October))))))))))))))))

[October]

If I were this person's boss, or in charge of his review, I would note that this person does not seem to have any idea of WHAT his job is, let alone any clue HOW to do his job.  Though his words are phrased as an attack on you, ALL they do is admit that he is not competant and at the very least needs training to fill the gaping holes in his abilities.  How much do you want to bet that this person was one who chose to NOT take therapy themselves while in training to give it?

Thank you so much for your sensible comments, Longtire.  It is so difficult for me to be objective about this - I find myself falling into believing that Dr I is right, and that all he says means that I deserve nothing at all.  But of course that is the hole in his argument, as you rightly point out.  All that he complains of indicates that I am not well, and need further help.

He says that I should be assessed again by Complex Needs.  What he still has not grasped is that there is no longer any such thing, in effect.  My therapist who left was the complex needs provision; the position is currently vacant and there is nobody there to carry out a further assessment.  And what would be the point when the one he has is being totally disregarded?  So his rather circular and illogical thinking makes no sense whatever.

Either I need help or I don't.  If I do, then the Trust has an obligation to meet that need out of town if it cannot meet it internally.  Either way it is not his money, and it is not his job to obstruct the process of referral.

Thanks for helping with this.  (((((hugs)))))