Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Facing the monster
Plucky:
Hey Cadbury,
Um could you refresh my memory? So who was the jerko here, was it you? Oh no, it was tithead? Ok well if you have to berate anybody, berate old tithead here. Not yourself. You've been coping admirably. Of course you have qualms, and shivers, and acid in your stomach. I do not envy that one bit. It is not easy, but it will get easier. Old Ns have trouble learning new tricks. Whereas you, my dear chocolate bar, are a very quick study. The hardest thing in the world to learn is how to change your emotional reactions. It requires not only intellect but willpower, motivation, flexibility... I'd go on but I fear your level head would swell.
Plucky
Plucky:
PS he gave you the money to try to do something 'nice'. Not nice as in good to you or the Right Thing to Do. Niice as in, 'now you owe me something' or nice as in 'see everyone what a great person I am'. Or nice as in 'she won't be expecting this, so I can get the upper hand for a moment.'
The correct reaction? "Where's the rest of my money?" or "About time. What took so long?" Don't you DARE feel GRATEFUL or THANKFUL.
A belligerent, indignant,
Plucky
Hopalong:
Cadbury, I swear Mum and Plucky were IN THAT ROOM with you!
I too think you did just magnificently.
This is Broadway, you do the same play over and over and every now and then you forget a line or trip over a prop. So what.
You are just amazing. The down feelings are just that you didn't have the new adrenalin high of the first triumph! But consider this...the ultimate goal of these contacts for you is chronic mild irrittion and...BOREDOM.
Yup. No drama. Just a really boring chore you get more and more detached about doing and which soon will not derail you from enjoying the previous and following hours...fully.
STILL totally impressed. Quit grading yourself. It's a pass-fail course and you're way better than passing this! You have so many serious reasons to sit down and have a nice session of real self respect. Just try that on like a beautiful new coat and walk around in it.
I bet you'll be wearing it more and more, because it looks GREAT on you.
Hopalong
Sela:
Hiya Cadbury:
I'm with the others who have praised your responses. I think you are doing a marvelous job! Truly! You are getting better and better at dealing with this dope! That's fantastic!!
--- Quote ---...the ultimate goal of these contacts for you is chronic mild irrittion and...BOREDOM.
--- End quote ---
Oh Hoppy!! I sooooo agree! Or better yet.......as entertainment! Not really something you look forward to with glee......but something you (Cadbury) can come away from.....eventually.....shaking your head and smiling at how silly TH is.......how juvenile.....and how some of his antics even make you laugh!!! Rather than inducing acid in your stomache.....something that gives you a chuckle, part of the time, and is otherwise, quite boring.
--- Quote ---Then he gave me a very serious look and said "Cadbury,......tell me do you have this effect on all the men you've been with". So I said "Yes, there they all are waiting in a line outside the door". Actually, I didn't say that at all... that is what I thouht sela may have come up with so I smiled to myself and ... stuttered like a mad fool.
--- End quote ---
Hahahahahahahaha!!! Oh yes! I might have said that!! Or even maybe......:
TH: "Cadbury......tell me do you have this effect on all the men you've been with"
Cad: "Oh for heaven's sakes no man!!! They acted normal!!"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: (and if he should then ask: "Normal?" maybe respond: "What? Oh you know! Normal silly! Like a normal person!" and giggle sweetly!!
Great going Cadbury for thinking up stuff to keep you grounded and even giggling inside! Maybe that shiver was you resisting bursting out laughing? Or soon it will be!! Even the thoughts that make you smile will help to calm you....help you keep your boundaries safe.......even help you relax a little. After all......he is just a TH trying every trick! He's playing a childnish game and losing! You're waaaaaaaaaaay too adult to get taken in by him! Soon....you'll be confusing the heck outta him!! He'll have tried it all and still be a loser!!
:D Sela
Mati:
Hey Cadbury
I think that you are doing just great, BUT, sorry if I am missing something and do not grasp the whole situation, why do you have to put yourself through all of this? You find it distressing to be in his presence, and he makes smutty sexual remarks to you. So who can make you be there?
He has permission to see his child right? But the child cannot bear to be without your presence for more than a few minutes right? So OK the visit has to end pretty quickly and the child returned to you (waiting in another room). It seems to me that tithead will get fed up with this much sooner. You being there, seems to me, will be giving him the message that his presence is not that bad as far as you are concerned, and actually being such a tithead, might even mean that you are still interested ? YUCK!
Mati
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