Daughter of an N wonders if she is overreacting???

[longtire]

Dawning, you deserve NO less than a special man in your life you puts you above all others and CHERISHES your feelings.  Not just accepts or tolerates.  Definitely NOT ever denigrates and despises.  Is that what you have?

At the very least he made a damaging mistake.  If he admits this and apologizes and it doesn't happen again, then it was a mistake.  Re-evaluate seeing this person if he says anything along the lines of "why are you upset?" (not looking for information but telling you indirectly that he sees no good reasons for you to feel as you DO.), "you're too sensitive, you're blowing this out of proportion, it doesn't mean anything (denying your perfectly valid and valuable feelings).

[Plucky]

Hi dawning,
Your SO gave you what is known as a headsup.   Some one else mentioned this on another thread.  If you let this pass, settle in for a lifetime, or as long as you take it, of similar and worse treatment.  This other woman will never retreat into the background of your relationship.  She, or someone like, will always be there to rob you of the front seat.  If you protest, you will be labelled.

It is so hard to let go of what seemed to be a wonderful person.  You have to do what you feel and what you are ready for.  Think back to other relationships and whether there was a similar wakeup call, and whether you heeded it, and what the consequences were.
Whatever you do, you have the love of all of us on the board! 
Plucky

[Dawning]

Thank you everybody for speaking out.

It hasn't been an easy week.  But I have discovered that, right now, SPACE is the most beautiful thing....to sit in my very own apartment and know that I am safe. 

The SO-guy seems to have lost all interest in me.  It is almost like I am irritating him.  And, althought I have tried to be an active partner in discussion, it usually ends up these days with him telling me "what I am doing" and "stop being such a weak-ass...the world is not fair."  So, he's shown me a few things/shined a light in my direction and I am grateful but now it is time to give up....just give up.  What else can I do?  Keep plugging along hoping this guy will revert back to caring for me as I once sensed he did? There is a time where you just know when to give up.

So, I pick up my boot straps, face the new days afresh and do what I love.....and that will take me to the right place.  Sometimes, I slip but, now that I am adult, I can be aware of when I am likely to slip rather than be knocked over by an N family member with their own hidden agenda.

IMO, he's also very, very slick with words. Telling you about the other woman and in the same paragraph sliding in an oozy compliment to you was VERY slick.

Hopalong,

Thanks for picking this up b/c - now that I go back to the first reading of his email - the stunned response was that he ended that paragraph with an oozy compliment to me.  If he had left that sentence out, it wouldn't have turned my stomach so.  *Slick* really is the appropriate word here.   


I love and care for you all. 
Dawning.

[Sela]

Dear Dawning:

So, I pick up my boot straps, face the new days afresh and do what I love.....and that will take me to the right place.

This is such a good attitude!  Not .....poor me.......more like ...live and learn.... and not only that but go on doing what you love, looking forward to getting to the right place!  That is wonderful!  Good for you Dawning!

As to giving up.....on this guy........he's actually the one who's given up.....by seeming "to have lost all interest in" you.  Some one who loves a person deeply doesn't  just lose interest, especially if they are serious about marriage.  This guy may sence your refusal to be bullied ?(even if you are only voicing things calmly but consistently).  He may have decided that you won't be easy to control?   So he has sort of given up??

I'm sorry that this relationship doesn't seem to be a good one for you Dawning, and I'm very glad that you are hopeful toward the future.  When the right person comes along, you won't be wondering if you are reacting appropriately!  You'll be at peace inside and comfortable...joyous and sure.

Still......if this relationship is ending........it's a loss.  A loss that hurts and will need to be grieved.  Big, large, huge hug to you.......((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dawning))))))))))))))))))))))

Sela

[Healing&Hopeful]

Thank you everybody for speaking out.

It hasn't been an easy week.  But I have discovered that, right now, SPACE is the most beautiful thing....to sit in my very own apartment and know that I am safe. 

The SO-guy seems to have lost all interest in me.  It is almost like I am irritating him.  And, althought I have tried to be an active partner in discussion, it usually ends up these days with him telling me "what I am doing" and "stop being such a weak-ass...the world is not fair."  So, he's shown me a few things/shined a light in my direction and I am grateful but now it is time to give up....just give up.  What else can I do?  Keep plugging along hoping this guy will revert back to caring for me as I once sensed he did? There is a time where you just know when to give up.

So, I pick up my boot straps, face the new days afresh and do what I love.....and that will take me to the right place.  Sometimes, I slip but, now that I am adult, I can be aware of when I am likely to slip rather than be knocked over by an N family member with their own hidden agenda.

IMO, he's also very, very slick with words. Telling you about the other woman and in the same paragraph sliding in an oozy compliment to you was VERY slick.

Hopalong,

Thanks for picking this up b/c - now that I go back to the first reading of his email - the stunned response was that he ended that paragraph with an oozy compliment to me.  If he had left that sentence out, it wouldn't have turned my stomach so.  *Slick* really is the appropriate word here.   


I love and care for you all. 
Dawning.

Good for you Dawning... well done for seeing this guy for who he is, and for having the courage and strength to know that it's not what you want.  I feel this is a huge achievement... because you know you are looking for someone to treat you how you deserve to be treated, and that you can give up on the one's that don't fulfil this.

Onto bigger and better things for you hon.... definitely something to smile about xx