MW19; Sweetheart. You are right, your life has changed. Even if you were not to have this child, that, too, would change your life.
Please understand that even a man who does not want a pregnancy, especially if he is an N, WILL want some kind of control when the child is born. My next door neighbor, who is a flaming N, did not want his first child, did everything he could to talk the woman (a "casual date") out of the pregnancy, and then, when she had the child, took her to court to get parental rights. NOw he repeatedly leaves the child in the care of his new wife while he leaves town on his visitation days. This sounds typical to me for an N. My ex treats his children as chattel (and me too).
Talk to Cadbury. She is dealing very well with this extremely difficult situation. She may have some great advice, or at least be a good support.
When you say you do not want him to be a part time dad, what do you mean? You realize you will have LOTS of contact with him if he is an "involved" dad, right?
He WILL be one of the most important (I didn't say good) relationships of your life, whether you want him to be or not. I didn't fully grasp the meaning of that when I divorced my N husband almost 10 years ago. You share a child. Frankly, you may get lucky and he will disappear, (ok, that's my fantasy), but at least here in the U.S., fathers have enormous rights, even abusers.
All I can think about is what a happy family I could have if he wouldnt have betrayed me.
But he did, sweetie. Try not to lose yourself in this thought.....
Take care of yourself. It's good that you have made a decision regarding your refusal to take him back, even in light of the baby. My experience has told me, it's a rare person who cheats.....and then doesn't do it again.
Your baby has a wonderful, strong, loving mom. And contrary to what the "split "em down the middle joint custody" folks tell you, kids only need ONE good parent to be ok. You get to be the good one.
