Depression

[stayhuman]

Feeling pretty depressed and do not know what to do. Anyone else know how to deal with this?

I feel like I have absolutely no motivation right now-just like a big cloud is hanging over my head and all I want to do is sleep. My firend is experiencing depression just now as well, which doesn't help as it means I have no-one really to talk to about it.

I feel ugly and like there is no point to anything at all.

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((((((((Stayhuman))))))))))))

Sorry to read and run but I'm just on my way out.... however I don't know if this will help or not, but it's a depression learning path.

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/learning_path.htm

Take care

H&H xx

[miss piggy]

Hi SH and H&H,

My two thingies are depression and anxiety.  I take a light dose of Paxil and, don't laugh, but I make sure to take my vitamins.  The Bs really help. 

I also find that just dragging myself out of the house and getting in the sun does wonders.  I know it sounds trite and all.  I try to deal with it like a cold: ok, i have these symptoms of feeling ugly and no one likes me and I'm ruining my children's lives and neglecting my husband.  I just feel like a lump with a pulse.  What to do?  Go for a walk.  What didn't I do that maybe I should do? (usually the vitamins and walking are lacking when I ask this question). 

I also like to read and do tons of crafts but don't always have time.  So I take some time for that and that gives me a lift.  And sometimes my little brain will recall a phrase from something I've read that will put things in perspective and I can get up again and put one foot in front of the other.  Eg. how come I'm not Queen of England or Hilary Duff?  "That slot is taken"  or "the universe is unfolding as it should".  Oh.  good.  I don't have to worry about that one anymore. 

Sometimes I will do something that doesn't require any interaction with others like go to a library, museum, or the trusty standby, retail therapy.  I love bookstores.  I can be a lump in a bookstore and appear functional.  Rent a funny movie.  I just rented Starsky & Hutch (not for everyone's taste) but I laughed so much!  Or a Saturday Night Live Best of...

So stay human, Stayhuman.  Know that you are not alone.  Hugs, MP

[Sela]

Hiya Stayhuman:

Sorry you're feeling so down.  Not very fun.

I'm no expert....but my understanding is that when we are depressed......certain chemicals are floating around in our blood....in abundance.  These aren't  helpful to our state and need flushing.

So I try really hard to drink lots and lots of water when I'm feeling down in the dumps.  It does seem to help.  I guess...getting up and running to piddle....is better than just laying about, so at least it does that much....whether it's flushing out bad stuff or not eh?

Also, when I feel depressed my brain seems to fill up with negative thoughts, or it is the other way around?  I'm not sure.  All I know is that all kinds of ugly stuff just keeps popping in there and twisting it's grimey little fingers around in my head and I feel awful.  Usually...to combat this, I have to decide to mentally fight my own thinking.  I will pick one good thought.......something simple and think about it consciously for awhile.  Often it's something like:

"Enough of that.  Tomorrow will be better."

It's a way of stopping my nasty thoughts in their tracks...blocking them out, I guess... and it works for me....but I do make a conscious choice to do it.  Then I try to imagine that better tomorrow....picture it in my mind and really see it.  Like day dreaming, which feels good.

That wonderful tomorrow may not ever materialize but for me......it's a way of maintaining my hope and of switching to a mode that feels more like living......rather than just existing...and once I am in that state, I am more likely to make changes that might actually induce a better tomorrow.

I allow myself to be in a sad, hopeless state......only so long.   I get sick of feeling depressed and that's what usually makes me think:

"Do something else".

All of the suggestions by H&H and MP are very useful and will help and do work.  For me....the first step......is making a conscious decision to do something different, if what I am doing isn't working.  This isn't to say it's some miraculous instant cure....or even that it's easy.  It's just something that helps me get moving to a better place and maybe it will help you too?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Stayhuman)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sela

[Plucky]

Hi there stayhuman,
I felt like this a couple of weeks ago.   There didn't seem to be any special reason why.   I just felt darker and deeper and darker and deeper.   As if I was carrying a big boulder on my head.
The reason, I now think, is that I was realising, or resisting doing so, that my marriage really has to end.
Once this came out into the open, I felt better.  Of course I now have to face many fears, but it still is better.

But I also saw that once I felt bad, I did, or didn't do, things to make me feel worse.    I stopped eating right.  I didn't rest enough.   I didn't look after myself.
I forced myself to start back to eating, because I knew that if I came up on the board, I would be told to eat right and look after my health.   I reluctantly and gradually started to take better care of myself and it helped.  Just eat one good thing.  Just read one good book.  Avoid anything depressing or too emotional.

I'm glad you are reaching out in your depression.  Things do not look right while you are depressed.  Decisions are difficult.  Interpretations are askew.  Just keep in mind that things may not be what they look, while you are depressed.

Know that even a small effort can help you turn it around.   
Plucky

[j_stice]

The easiest way I found to deal with depression or lonliness is to start to do things that you enjoy, spoil yourself a little. Go cook yourself a nice meal, maybe go out and buy a nice meal, maybe buy a new outfit, go to the movies, do some exercise, call a friend and most importantly remember whatever is causing your depression will pass and when it does so does the feeling! (Just don't do these to excess).If your feeling low because your not feeling important my favourite quote may help "It takes only one person to change the world and you CAN be that person!" All the best and I hope this helps!!

[stayhuman]

Hi everyone.
Thanks very much for all your help. It is really appreciated.

Plucky: I know what you mean about the eating. Since I broke up with my ex I've hardly eaten and I've been smoking way too much. But I think you are right about small things-last night I took the advice of the board and went for a walk and made some proper dinner. It made me feel better but I still didn't sleep untill 5am, and woke up at 3pm feeling rather lacklustre. :S

I think I know tht part of my reason for feeling like this has to do with breaking up with my ex because I really miss him and it feels difficult getting through the day right now.

j_stice: Good ideas, thankyou.

Sela and Miss Piggy: Thanks for your uplifting information. I have taken it all on board. I have been trying to change my mind set a liitle bit untill this passes.

H&H, thanks for the website.

Thanks all xx

[j_stice]

Hey stayinghuman,

Just remember to stay positive and like I said it will pass. Don't worry about the ex- if that person would have recognised your real value the relationship would have worked out. You are obviously someone who is intelligent and caring who tries to look out for others. I am sure the right person is out there for you, you may not just be aware of it. All the best!

[Portia]

(((Stayhuman)))

Have you seen this site? See ‘Articles’ (bottom menu bar) then ‘Identifying Losers in Relationships’ left hand menu. (Thanks to Bunny for this.) http://www.drjoecarver.com/

How about some tests to occupy you? I find doing tests is a good way to stop me having spiralling thoughts. And sometimes it can boost how I feel about myself (‘hey I can take tests! Maybe I’m not so bad…’ .).   http://www.healthyplace.com/site/tests/psychological.asp

[miss piggy]

Hello again Staying Human, 

Hope you are feeling a tad better.  I read your note above about missing your ex and this thought popped into my head.  Maybe you can use it.

I have a clutter problem and I address it by buying books on clutter to add to my clutter problem.   But that is neither here nor there.  But one of these books said a good reason to get rid of things that you don't use anymore or wear anymore or what have you is to make room for something even better that will come along!  So looking ahead makes it easier to let go of that old junk! 

I agree with J-stice: Just think of that empty spot where your ex used to stand as a space reserved for Player to be Named Later.  Hang in there!

MP

[Moira]

Hi there Stay Human! I concur with everybody else's advice. Bear in mind, however, if things do get worse for you, you always have the option of going to some kind of mental health centre, look into free( covered by medical, again, don't know where you're posting from) counseling or use crisis lines if you become desperate. Sometimes, despite having the knowledge of healthy options, depression stops us from acting on them. I work in psychiatry and I too suffer from severe depression. So difficult when guilt, shame, rationalizing and feeling your situation isn't that important or bad, are so much a part of depression. I don't know if you are open to the option of possibly considering antidepressants- even short term- I know many folks are against and them and I understand the fear around this- but there are so many new ones that are effective with few/bearable  side effects. For me, they along with counseling have literally saved my life. As far as therapy/counseling options are concerned- again, don't know if you live in a city or small town- but if you have a teaching university, they often offer services done by psych. grad students- totally supervised and often they are completely up to date on latest things. Usually covered by medical- again, don't know if this is so where you are. Also if there is ahospital that does psych. treatment, they also often have out pt. services. I don't know your possible resources, but if you have any kind of cognitive behavioural therapy courses available, I highly reommend them. Even though I work in the field, I have taken these courses several times and found them immensely beneficial. You may also have the option of finding a therapits, counselor or psychologist who offer therapy on what's called a sliding fee scale- means you discuss your ability to pay and they adjust the cost to fit your financial situation. good on you for being able to muster the strength to follow through on the excellent suggestions offered here! also bear in mind that no matter what the cause is of your depression, even untreated, it does lift! Thinking of you and sending yo light and energy( not to mention hugs!)- Moira

[Sallying Forth]

Hello StayHuman,
Things I do now which work:[/i]

Eat right as much as possible. Whole foods.
Moderate to vigorous exercise three or more times a week for 20 to 30 minutes. Endorphins do change the brain chemistry like the medication does. I know, this is happening for me right now.
Take multivitamins.
Stay away from sugar and white flour as much as possible.
Eat excellent chocolate, 70% or more cocoa content, can have the same effect as the exercise.

Things I did before which worked:

Got on medication for depression.
Got on medication for anxiety.
Used art to express my feelings, especially collages.
Wrote about it.  (Still doing now.)
Talk to a therapist about it.   (Still doing now.)
Got into support groups like ACoDF and ACofA.