Ongoing stickiness with counsellor...

[Hopalong]

Good JOB.
I've seen more than a few Ts in my time.
I have learned and been helped in different ways by each; one was very harmful.
So if you find yourself needing counseling again, shop around for a few visits...there are so many good ones.

You're spotting something in this T that is now not good for you, and bravo to you for acting on it no matter what you think she might think. (You got good stuff from it for a while, and now something else has surfaced so you're changing your mind. Your right...to change your mind.)

You're not in counseling to change what a T thinks. You're there to change what YOU think, and you have!

Kudos
Hopalong

[mum]

You're not in counseling to change what a T thinks. You're there to change what YOU think, and you have!

Soooo smart, Hoppy!!

[Sallying Forth]

hello Gang!

I rang my counsellor and told her i would like to take a break.  I was feeling unbelieveably guilty about it for some absurd reason and felt like I was commiting a crime or something...  She was ok about it, but I could tell she was disagreeing with my decision.  At one point she became silent and because we were on the phone I felt like I needed to fill the space! -as you do! 

She said to me "It sounds like you are doubting your decision" to which I said "No, this is just an awkward situation, but I feel like I can take over by myself for a while and I could do with taking a break from it for financial reasons also" 

I didn't want this to be an issue, as I would have liked to think I could go back if I felt like I needed to in the future.  She said after that she may not have a slot for me in the future and I may have to go to someoen else if that was the case.  I said that is the chance I will have to take at this point.

Good for you Selkie!!!

Her response to your future with seeking out a therapist sound manipulative also. This is something one sick therapist said to me to keep seeing her. I later discovered she was N and had her own agenda and it wasn't my healing or life.

I really needed her when I was having relationship problems.  I succeeded in dumping the "N" I was with and never looked back, i am feeling good and well educated on N's and my reasons for succumbing to them.  I would like to think I had support from her if I needed it if I found myself in a sticky situation with an N boyfriend again which I may well find myself in that situation again---I am just CRAP at detecting N's! 

...but I am not so sure I would feel so comfortable going back to her now.  I just feel like she is all or nothing, no flexibility.  I need flexibility.  My schedule/life is a bit hectic and I would stay with her forever if she would let me come and go as I please.  I am paying her for crying out loud!  Why does she need me to commit to her?  It's horrible, I feel like I am letting her down by not going religiously every week.

I feel relieved.

Many therapists are less healthy than their own clients. Pretty sick but true. All or nothing or black and white thinking is a sign she needs help herself. So you are making another sound decision by choosing to not see her in the future.

"Why does she need me to commit to her?"
My sick t was the same way. She wanted this commitment to own me and protect her future financial state. I didn't discover this until well into therapy with my current t.
My current t and I are a very good fit. He allows me to determine how often and when I see him. We have no set ending point on my therapy either. I have many therapists who up front will give you a specific time frame and expect you to see them a specified amount of time each week. Everyone of those t's I rejected.


I posted the following web site to a different topic. You might be interested in this. The site is about between unhealthy and healthy boundaries.
http://www.drdinaevan.com/boundaries.htm

And this one describes how to create healthy boundaries in relationships.
http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

[Plucky]

Hi Selkie,
you may not know why you want to leave her, but it is probably a good reason.  Only now do I realise why our couples therapist was bad from over 2 years ago.  She talked about her financial condition, required us to come every week, which was a huge expense as we had to drive a hour each way, take a half day off work and pay a sitter.  She instituted a 'policy' that if we were out of town we had to pay for half to the fee anyway.  Then we got stalled in the therapy and she couldn't figure out what to do next. We chatted for months (!) not acomplishing anything, and then she decided we had to come more often!  I mentioned a vacation to visit family and she told us we had to 'make choices' about what was important - the therapy or the vacation.    I'm glad she forced that choice.   She tried to leave the door open to start again, but I told her, no thank you!  I was really angry, and amazed at her cheek, but only now, reading this thread, do I realise how completely useless that therapist was.  She did allow our marriage to struggle on a few more months than it would have, but was that a good thing?  At that price?  Hah!

a ranting and off topic
Plucky