Mentally Ill Abuser

[Sallying Forth]

While answering "lovedafraud's" post to the forum I came upon some disturbing information about my h and mental illness. While I don't like to use that term "mental illness" the reality is that he does have at least one, if not two mental illnesses if he has personality disorders.

In Lundy's book Why Does He Do That? he says that mental illness does not cause a man's (or woman's) abuse of his (her) partner. Something I do like about Lundy is his take no excuses attitude toward the abuser. He goes on to say that a mental illness contributes to the severity of his problem. He lists the following points:

1.  Certain mental illnesses can increase the chance that an abuser will be dangerous and use physical violence.
Paranoia, severe depression, psychosis, obsessive-compulsive disorder and antisocial (psychopathy/sociopathy).
Can take years to be brought under control and his abusiveness won't necessarily change.
I know this is something I needed to read and see in black and white. While Lundy doesn't mention OCPD per se it would definitely be included in the above list as well as CNPD.

2.  They don't like the side effects of medications (for their mental illness) and they are too selfish to care about the implications of the mental illness for their partners or children.

3.  The severity of the abuse in combination with the severity of the psychiatric symptoms need to be taken into consideration. Looking at the psychiatric symptoms alone can lead to underestimating how dangerous he is.
Interesting because I wanted to divide and separate these two facts when in fact they need to be combined.

4.  Antisocial personality disorder have no conscience and are therefore repeatedly involved in behaviors which are harmful to others.

5.  Those who have NPD have a highly distorted self-image.
This disorder is highly compatible with abusiveness.

6.  Many abusers who are not mentally ill want women to think they are, in order to avoid responsibility for their attitudes and behavior.


I am glad I stumbled upon this information while reading about psychopaths. I really needed to read this.    My eyes and mind have been opened to new and needed information.

[lovedafraud]

   Sallying Forth,
   My Nh was supposed to be on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, but quit taking them after a few days because he thought they made him too sleepy. However, he did stick to a regular regimen of meth and alcohol! I have been reading up on all this,too, and so many of the PD's, substance abusers and perpetrators of domestic violence seem to be of multiple disorders. I'm noticing that many of the mental illnesses have dual diagnosis, with the substance abuse, violence, etc. Very intimidating people. I never really thought about how bad it was until I got out of it recently, but still he has really done a number on me.
   lovedafraud

[write]

it's very true. I have biploar 1 disorder, a serious illness with occasional psychosis, and am the least abusive person! I have never threatened or harmed anyone. There are many common perceptions of mentally ill people which just are not factual.

People are violent mainly because they choose to not learn how to manage their anger and emotions, because they feel entitled and justified in imposing themselves and acting out on others, and because they enjoy it.

Lundy Bancroft's approach changes the way families, therapeutic workers and the justice system allow abusers to use addiction, background and mental illness to excuse violent behaviour.