Thank Marta for writing to me and wondering where I was.
I have been contemplating what to write about what I've been experiencing since being on AD's. My entire perspective was horribly skewed before I got on AD's. I didn't know how "off" I was until I got on the right dose. I saw my doc this afternoon and she affirmed for me that depression can have that affect on some people. My thinking was
so far "off" the beaten path I was no longer Sallying Forth on A New Adventure. Yet I didn't know I was so far "off."
I don't even know how I drove over 100 miles on the 14th of December without killing myself or someone else. I was not in a healthy mental and physical state to be driving a car for even 5 miles!!! All I have to say is thank goodness and God for adrenalin. That is what I was burning for fuel for who knows how many days.
I am somewhat back on track for my life. Though there are many areas where I need to make some adjustments as the AD's continue to work and keep my brain thinking properly. I am sleeping 10 hours a day and that feels just right to me!!!
Now about the "off" the beaten path stuff ...
I have come to realize that my h is
not N. After being on this forum and looking at my Nparents and Nbrother - who are
very N - everyone seemed to be N. N seemed to be crawling out of the woodwork and into my life. Yet after being with my supposedly N h for Christmas I know he is not. There were no N behaviors I experienced the entire time with him. We were together for 11 days straight and also the weekend before for 3 days straight.
My h had his 1st appointment with the special t just before the holidays. He was told how to behave with me and he did behave. I was pleasantly surprised.
My h took care of me for Christmas. He gave me lots of non-sexual touching and hugs. We spent very quiet and relaxing holidays together. The entire time I was nearly incapacitated due to recovering from my depression. Horizontal was a great position for reading, watching TV and resting. I couldn't handle sitting at the computer for more than a half hour at a time. And I couldn't do anything including ride in a car, drive a car, walk and ride my bicycle. Fixing food was nearly impossible.
Anyway this is where my brain got skewed - N's everywhere in my life. I assumed that my h must be N if I grew up with N's. I did marry my "mother" though in the sense that my h has OCPD like my mother does. Although my h's OCPD does not manifest the same way so it is
not exactly like marrying my "mother." I have to be realistic on that too. The things which I don't like about my h's OCPD behaviors he doesn't like about himself either. Therefore he is very willing to change them. So this is good news for both of us. These are the issues he will be dealing with in therapy.
Also after reading more about OCPD in depth I realized that it presents with similar appearing behaviors as does CNPD. I could easily see how these could be con
fused in my mind especially when my thinking was skewed.
As for my own therapy, I am going to cut down for now until my h and I live together again. Then we may need couples counseling and/or I may need to return to more frequent counseling for myself. There will be sessions with his special t with both of us so that the special t can ascertain whether there is progress in his treatment. The special t goes by feedback from me
not my h. Smart man!
I was "off" the beaten path now I am Sallying Forth on A New Adventure once again.[/u][/i]
