Thanks, Hops! Good thoughts. I like the idea of thinking of meeting different men as "practice." Surely is a better practice than the kind of "practice" I got with Red Hawk, LOL.
I had decided just before I read your post that I would not ask further questions about his last relationship until and unless I meet him for coffee or whatever and think I would like to see him again. It may be that I will know from other things that it's a no-go anyhow.
I ordered that book "A Fine Romance" from the used book marketplace at Amazon.com and should get it in about a week. Thanks again for that recommendation. I just LOVE the idea and possibilities of having a HEALTHY relationship. Feeling "in love with health," which is a great feeling.
I remember the bad old days, grieving and pining and anguishing over N men in my life, and being almost addicted to the pain (so it seems, when it was so hard to let go!). One thing for sure, I am not addicted to being long-suffering anymore! I think when I was younger the N love interest seemed to be the "be all and end all" and I could not imagine ever loving another. Not so today.
Another book I like is by Barbara De'Angelis, Ph.D., "Are You the Right One for Me?" She has some really good stuff in there about the common mistakes made when picking the wrong person, and things to look and watch for both healthy and unhealthy.
She talks about watching the old relationships in your head "like a movie," and then do a freeze frame at the red flags.
I look back at some of the red flags with Red Hawk and think, "Wow. There was a spot where it would have been so cool if I had just ended it right then and there with total assurance." It was the self-doubt and that part of me "wanting to be fair" that kept me hanging around for more:
He says he will never give up being close friends with his ex-wife? Well, maybe it would be unfair of me to expect otherwise. He said, "If that's going to be a problem for you, you may as well dump me right now." Yes, he said that -- more than a couple of times! I should have just gotten up from my chair right then and there and said, "I can't promise that will not be a problem for me, so I better give you your pink slip right now then" and just walked out the door, gotten in my car and driven away. Now THAT would have been cool.

I like thinking of things that happened with Red Hawk and others that were blaring red flags, and imagining what choices I could have made at those times that would have saved me so much pain and regret.
Patience is so important. I know I can't order a good potentially long-term partner like breakfast at a diner. I must pace myself reasonably and just check, check, check, letting many plates move right on by. One day my plate will come.

Hugs,
TP