Thank you everyone for the great wishes and for not being annoyed that my silence triggered some speculation and worry. I would never just stop coming up to this board on purpose, but it does feel good, in a naughty sort of way, to know that someone missed me and worried about me!
The trip was something I agonised over. It was an opportunity to relax and have fun. I was afraid to do it! I guess I feel like the little boy with his finger in the dike. If I move, or change anything, the whole thing will crash in!
Well it didn't. My kids were ok, the plane didn't crash...I was able to relax a little and see how tense I am. Of course I thought a bit about the situation with H but I also tried to vacation from that as well.
Did I make progress? I decided that I will, maybe, talk to him and see if he will go into therapy with me. Since my own judgement, and his too, is not reliable, I think I'd like to work things out with someone else. And then if we split, I will not feel the mixed feelings I have.
I just want to address the concerns that people have had about some of the postings. Sometimes people say things I don't agree with up here. I really find these comments useful, because sometimes only then I can see what I really think! The only thing I don't like on the board is when someone is too pushy on a sensitive spot or, in the pretense of being logical or correcter than thou, starts to berate or make personal comments or instructions to others. (I do not mean anything that has been said to me on this thread - this has all been fine.) I do have a great aversion to conflict up here - I guess I feel like a little child watching her parents argue and wondering if they are going to split up. It bothers me and I just want it to end now. Even though I suppose it has a function for others to work things out.
Plucky
