Narcissists and sex...and their message to you

[Anastasia]

When you were young was it common for your Narcissistic mother to give their children feelings of icky/nasty regarding anything sexual?  For instance, my mother referred to my vaginal area as my "shame."  At 4, I thought that was stupid and assinine and it was!  She watched me like a hawk growing up in my teen years as she just "knew" I would be the slut in school.  I wish I had been.  Instead I was still a virgin at 19, and so scared of what crazy mother and cruel stepfather would do if they even thought I was playing around, that I was pure as the new driven snow.
I read on this board shades (from Portia and others) that this was not uncommon behavior for our mothers, BUT is it because they were narcissists and did not want us to "compete" with them (sexually) or is it because they are just plain crazy and screwed up in all matters.
Any opinions out there?  

[Discounted Girl]

I think they are too sick and twisted to explain. It will drive you mad(der) to try to figure them out. Most of all I hate the blind-sided whammees my NQueenmother comes up with -- out of the blue. If it were for something positive and redeemable, it would be quite a talent. She used to make comments to me about sexual things when I was young about which I had not a clue what she was getting at. Like, one time, 7 yr old, I was riding in the back of my Dad's pickup, along with some other kids and when he turned the corner we fell over and my legs were up in the air. Boy, did I get told off when I got home. And the time, in the 7th grade, when a boy walked me home from school and I supposedly was standing too close to him in the driveway. She should have spent her energy explaining to me what having monthly periods meant -- she just let me believe it was for nothing other than being female. I knew zilch about reproduction. What I learned, I learned in health class at school.  I was a virgin until I married at 19, while I guess I am glad of that, in retrospect, it sure would be a kicker to have seen her face if I had brought home some scumbuckets and smoked pot in her face. She was the one who got pregnant before she was married, not me. I had to figure that out for myself when I was a teenager. She would never tell us when her anniversary was. Secrets, secrets ......... ssshhhhhhhhhhhhh ... sort of like Simon's dad "boy, I'll whoop up on you and put you into tomorrow." .. What a bunch of jerks. I say, they all need to bend over and let us go down the row and polish our boots a little.  

[Discounted Girl]

Simon's dad didn't really say that -- I was just being silly -- but it's sort of like I read into it.

[Argusina]

I've read somewhere that it is pure projection of the icky feelings they (the parents) have themselves about their own gender/sexuality (often having been abused themselves...)

Children are unfortunately "perfect" projection canvases...  

[Anastasia]

When I read posts like Jacmacs, all I can think is the old saying, "there but for the grace of God go I."  My heart goes out to you, Jacmac.
That could have been me as my stepfather was a sex addict and I was "saved" only because I made a point of telling my Grandmother and Uncle.  My stepfather was too afraid of what my Uncle would do to him if he touched me, so he didn't.  Instead, my stepfather hated me for "telling" that he was starting to exhibit signs toward me, made my life a living hell from then on, and got my idiot/codependent Nmother to torture me and abuse me verbally even more than he did.  
And, frankly, I realize now that I am older that my Nmother was insanely jealous of ALL women and that was the primary reason she was so cruel to me all the time.  She could not wait for me to leave home.
And I could not wait to get the hell out even more than she wanted me out...so I got out and stayed away.  The BEST thing I ever did.
Yes, I lost out on alot of money by doing what I did...but, who cares, I got out "safe" from any real sexual abuse.
As I said, Jacmac, my heart goes out to you...and take care of YOURSELF!