Appraisals & stuff

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hiya all

I'm just getting my thoughts out more than anything here as there's a lot going on in my life at the moment.

I have my appraisal next week and we have a system which is called a 360 degree appraisal system, where you request feedback from various people you work with, which they enter into an electronic system.

I haven't had all the feedback back yet, but what I have got back the plus points are helpful, diligent, professional and polite with one of the director's saying I was an excellent example to the admin team.

They also include things to work on which have come back, using the telephone more instead of email, quiet and should try to be more assertive.

The thing is, I'm my own worst critic, without anyone else adding to it.  And I thought I was assertive but in a nice way... i.e. I say things like "I would appreciate if you would kindly............"

My work colleague has now gone on her hols and I'll have been doing this role for a week now without her.  I'm lucky in that my boss is a great help, but I appreciate how busy he is and feel like I'm adding to his stress.  However I realise it's far better to ask questions and do it right, rather than mess up and then he has a mess to sort out.

Also, while I was out with my H and BIL tonight, as they both work at the same place, they talk about work a lot.  H said that a couple of times I brought the conversation round to my work.  I felt like such an N.  That is such an N thing to do to bring the conversation back to myself.  H said I reminded him a bit of a friend of mine M.  M is quite N-ish too.

It's quarter past 11 and I should be asleep as I have to get up early tomorrow morning but I have so much going around my head, mainly work as a lot has happened today.  Deadlines that I only found out about a couple of hours before.  I did manage to meet it though.  Also I updated a load of information, only for it to be deleted by the central department and I had to do it again.  Lots more stuff, which I know isn't my fault, but still have the, if I'd realised this and chased it up then this wouldn't have happened kind of thing.

Sorry, I just don't feel very great at the moment.

Take care

H&H xx

[Hopalong]

Aww, H&H, having an N moment with your H and his friend doesn't make YOU an N! It sounds to me like it was just the stress of the evaluation on top of a very tough day--your work wiped out? deadlines? Yikes!. Maybe that's why you kept bringing the topic back...you were just having a struggle, that's all.

I think you need to not feel guilty about having to ask your boss necessary questions. I have my boss sighing like a foghorn in my ear because I have to call him so often (it's not my fault, it's the nature of the work...and he has to supply the answers before I can continue...and it's to his benefit, ultimately--which he realizes, but he siiiigggghhhs just in frustration sometimes. Not with me, just with the stress of the process. It's hard on us both). Whoops...hijack.

I think the way you ask is a little tentative (I wold appreciate...if you would kindly...). Are those Britishisms? Maybe if you just cut out one of the two so you're only expressing gratitude or appreciation in one of the phrases.

So you could ask, "Would you please___?" and leave it at that. Or, even more assertive: "I'll be needing ________, thanks very much." Both polite, maybe just with less tiptoeing apologetically, kind of thing.

Sounds like a VERY positive evaluation!! In reality, this is what it is!!!!!!!!!
Try to put those mild suggestions-for-things-to-challenge-yourself-to-change-gradually as just that.

You get an AAAAAAA!

Hugs,
Hops

[Healing&Hopeful]

Thank you Hoppy... I do appreciate your post.  I didn't sleep well, not helped by H not being very well and tossing and turning all night.

Plus I apologise to you and all, but I really just need to vent about my job at the moment!

There is one project manager who I deal with who is well, well I'm not sure what to call him!!  He has one guy leaving the company who is on his project this Friday (tomorrow).  He liaised with my work colleague about finding someone to do a handover, and my colleague sent him an email asking him to confirm dates, part time or full time work, will it be extended etc etc!

HE DIDN'T BOTHER TO REPLY.... HE DIDN'T CONFIRM WHAT HE SODDING WANTED!!!!!

So, he then sent another email to my work colleague 4 working days later, who is on holiday and he would have received her out of office reply telling him to contact me.  NO, let's contact me yesterday.... you know to bring me in to loop.  Yep, that's yesterday.

Soooooooooooo, the guy who was going to do the handover and take on the work, has now been sold on another project... and the project manager is trying to blame my work colleague.  No, He didn't reply.... he didn't do his job!!!!

Soooooooooooo, he asked if I could find out if another guy was available, although he wasn't on the availability list I send out which speaks for itself!  Anyway, I asked him when he was looking to book him for, as soon as possible.  Right, rung the other project manager and managed to get this guy for a handover, and a week commencing 27th Feb.  Good I was thinking.... so rang the first one back and you know what, that's no good, he needs someone for next week.... SO WHY DIDN'T YOU SODDING TELL ME YOU NEEDED SOMEONE FOR NEXT WEEK.... AM I A MIND READER.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Anyway, I found him someone else who he doesn't really want, but I told him he had a choice of this guy for next week, or the other guy for the week after, so he's chosen the guy for next week.  He then had to ring another guy to check that the first guy was free, which he has to be because this is chargable work so it takes priority.  But I ended up ringing the other guy direct because I AM DEALING WITH SUCH COMPLETE IMBICILES!!!!

Anyway.... got all the dates sorted, everythings ok and what am I waiting for.... THE STUPID SODDING PROJECT MANAGER TO CONFIRM.  I've emailed him, rang him where he put me on hold immediately.............

God I'm so peed off.... not only do I not earn anywhere near enough money, or are considered a high enough level to sort out crap that is entirely his stupid fault... why do I do it... for the good of my health.  No, because there isn't anyone else to do it at the moment!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

And breathe! xx

[movinon]

(((((((((((((((((H&H)))))))))))))))))))))))

[Portia as guest]

Get it out ((((H&H))), say it!

Ooooo I do wish this board had of been up and running when I was at work, oh boy it would have changed my life instantly!

I’d have loved to been able to say what you just did. Imbeciles!!! Nincompoops! People who are paid twice as much as me to act like idiots!

I was a copywriter. Adverts and stuff. So many managers would ask me: “we need an advert for this new thing, can you do one, by tomorrow, and get it to the designers and make it like what Saatchi & Saatchi do? Good girl, I don’t what you’re on, but I wish I had some.”

Haha.

So I drew up a checklist, a ‘Brief sheet’ chock full of questions like: who’s the intended audience? Age etc. How much are you spending? Where’s the money? Etc etc.

Maybe you need a checklist for dealing with idiots.

(1) assume they’re idiots straight off. If they aren’t you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

(2) ask really dumb questions like: what when where who why and how.

(3) read the answers back to them to confirm

(4) refuse to be rushed by them. It’s their problem, you’re sorting it out. If they give you their time in defining clearly what they want, it makes it better for both of you. Win-win!

Many folks at work don’t communicate clearly and they make their lives more difficult. It’s not your fault. You can help by slowing them down, asking them to clarify and not taking responsibility for their incompetence. Please help me to help you kinda thing.

No apologies necessary.  Your post was/is just fine H&H!

Oh I wish this board was here 10 years ago! In the olden days……(goes off to reminisce about the bad old days)…. 

[Healing&Hopeful]

Ha ha ha.... I'm feeling much better after my work rant.

Portia hon.... how are you?  Good week away?

Well, I've finally got confirmation from him.... and this, named edited out....

"Looks like (guy booked) is available for a few hours tomorrow and all of next week.
I hope he can resolve all the outstanding issues from (guy leaving) in that time.

I appreciate your help and that you have pulled out all the stops to help me, in (work colleague's) absence..

I hope you can appreciate my position though.  I learnt of (guy leaving) imminent departure just 2 weeks ago – and only then through the grapevine.

I have been urging him to do what he can to identify a suitable person to hand-over to and perform a suitable handover.  I have also made a number of requests to Kay to ensure we have an appropriate person to handover to.  Given (guy intially required who was sold) is on annual leave next week, then assigned to another project for 2 weeks thereafter, he is not a suitable handover."


Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... and his responsibility is ZERO!  So I've sent out confirmation etc, but I'm not going to reply to this.  I made it look like I didn't see it until everything was confirmed.  Funny what you were saying about triggers Portia, this is my trigger.  I get so frustrated with people who don't admit their responsibility.

And breathe.... 

[Portia]

Hi again H&H, yes thank you , I spent time up near Stoke and it was good. Lots of nice food, a long walk. But H caught a cold in London while I was away and now I have it and that’s annoying. London germs are the hardiest! At least I’m not at work. Speaking of which:

I had another thought and how about this for vicarious living? I was thinking only today that I wish I’d taken up an offer at work years ago to go on an assertiveness training course. At the time I felt really insulted by this suggestion and also felt that a course like that might make me vulnerable to my boss; show my weaknesses etc. And I don’t deal with being ‘controlled’ very well so put that together and I said no. I really wish I’d said yes, now. Mind you, I’ve been on some awful courses which were manipulative too! Nothing’s perfect I guess.

So with that background of mine, about being more assertive, how about you ask for some training on this? Saying to you ‘be more assertive’ isn’t very helpful but a course might be great. I’d prefer an external course, maybe one I’d found myself that the company would pay for, because I’d find it tricky doing this type of work with people I knew, or who knew me. What do you think?

Also, while I was out with my H and BIL tonight, as they both work at the same place, they talk about work a lot.  H said that a couple of times I brought the conversation round to my work. 
Were they both talking about their work? Did this include you? If so, what’s wrong with you talking about your work? I mean, wasn’t that okay…? Maybe if he has The Cold he’s feeling a bit irritable. Maybe it’s him not you? Nobody’s perfect.

I felt like such an N.  That is such an N thing to do to bring the conversation back to myself. 
Not if you’re feeling excluded!

H said I reminded him a bit of a friend of mine M.  M is quite N-ish too.
Does H like M? In what way did you remind H of M? Just wondering.

About your chap at work, this doesn’t need a reply does it?

I hope you can appreciate my position though.  I learnt of (guy leaving) imminent departure just 2 weeks ago – and only then through the grapevine.
(I’m thinking, this has what to do with me?? You’re wasting my time.)

I have been urging him to do what he can to identify a suitable person to hand-over to and perform a suitable handover.
(ah! So it’s the fault of the guy who’s leaving then! Tut tut, fancy someone who’s leaving not doing that. Urging? Not hard enough obviously.)

Sorry manager here, but it’s your ass on the line, it’s your work, it’s your responsibility.

Some people. He’s been panicking and you’ve solved his problem. I hope he doesn’t think he can do that every time he has a panic.

How about saving this email in your ‘good stuff about me and how other people mess it up’ file?

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Portia

Glad you had a good time…. Nice food, walks and fresh air sound lovely!!!!

Yes, my H has “man flu”… though to be fair he is quite ill at the moment.  He did realise I was upset by his comment and said that it can’t be easy when him and his brother were talking about work.  The thing is, we mostly go out with his brother and his brother’s wife, so they talk about work and me and his wife chat away.  She was working last night.  Thanks ((((Portia)))) and ((((Hoppy)))) for giving me other ways to look at it.  At the time my head was just screaming….NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Would you believe the manager has just sent me another email?  With what he had put in emails…. Which I had anyway.  God, he really doesn’t get it, and be buggered if I’m sending him something back saying, “yes I can see where you’re coming from and you did everything you can”…. Because it’s bollocks.

Annnnyyyyywaaayyyyyy…..  What was that about being assertive? 

H&H xx

[Portia]

“Thanks for your emails. I appreciate your position. It would have helped me if you'd let me know of x sooner but glad I was able to help out. Hope the new person solves the problem. Regards,”

?????? I don't know??? just a try. See what you think.

[Moira]

Hi H&H-Have beenreading your posts about your work troubles and totally identify with you . I feel in the need of a work place rant myself- seems like the majority of my postings are rants lately! Sigh! I'm having ongoing, draining N conflict with my boss who is abusive and a bully. Too like my N mother was! I have a meeting today with her, another boss, the H.R. manager- who is a real piece of work in his own right- he and i have crossed swords before and he hates me with a passion. Luckily for me I have a great union rep who supports me and has balls of steel. She has also dealt with both bullies before. I returned to a toxic workplace in Nov after having left for a three month project elsewhere. Unfortunately that project turned out to be not what I was told it was at all, which is too bad because it could have been full time and I had high hopes i would love it. Never anticipated I'd have to return to this snake pit! My boss here was already planning a negative evaluation for me when I left so I thought I'd skated on outta here without having to deal with it. Wrong! She had me in her office an hour after I returned to give me shit about clients I'd left in Aug. and she and I had sat down at that time to go over my case load and divvy it up. No problems voiced then. also on my ass for my sick time- which is high, I admit. i have a disability and am very vulnerable to stress and I have to say I've had th the highest sick time in this place compared to any other work place I've ever been in almost 4 decades. Diagnostic i think.anyway, she's given me numerous " make work" projects with impossible deadlines, is critical of everything I do and say on a daily basis and is even making remarks about my physical appearance! ( Have piercings and tattoes- work as a nurse and I'm not saying at all that i look like a teenager or a biker broad! Not by a long shot! But I'm very alternative and my boss is a straight laced Muslim. Not implying anything racist here but I'm being judged by her cultural standards) All union grievance material and I'm pursuing same. am also in a good position to file discrimination, harassment and numerous safety complaints,grievances( she's deliberately set me up several times in situations where I could have been assaulted. Work in community mental heath and do emergency response. Deal with very sick and unpredictable folks). Suddenly she and H.R. switched tactics last Fri: re the original complaint against me. She was alleging she suddenly " had serious job performance issues". I've worked in various setting for 20 years as a nurse and never had anything but glowing evaluations. Now, the agenda for today is " something else". Am pretty sure it's going to be about my sick time. they've tried to force me into another position here they think " would be less stressful". They can't do this. Anyway...despite feeling supported and validated by union ( am not the only one here either being harassed and bullied), am filled with dread and fear about this afternoon. Fixated on catastrophes - what if I have done something unethical, shoddy etc? What if  she does have some valid concerns that merit discipline? doubting myself and second guessing everything I do. Filled with anxiety everyday . Only predictable thing is her abuse. am applying for a hospital job at a good hospital that's out of community so will have different H.R> and obviously, bosses. Have great reference, all of whom can confirm, if necessary, the harassment and abuse here. Just found out have an interview there this Wed. Feel I will certainly get the job, but even here am filled with anxiety. What if for some reason I don't get hired there and have to stay here and face likely even more bullying. Esp. after today's mtg.  when she and H.R. will be getting slammed by my union and will realize they can't make anything stick from a criticizing my clinical work.Hope everything is working out for you. thanks for listening. am keeping my fingers crossed everything goes well, or as well as can be, for this mtg.this aft. Hugs, Moira