Stormy,
Yeah; re: the #s, the percentage of Ns (of all varieties), I also shudder. I also counted the Ns I've encountered and THERE'S A LOT OF THEM!!! Dang, it's depressing.
It's also a bummer that when one meets someone (in any context: social, business), one must be cautious and "read" the other person, feel the 'nigglings' (thanks CB) and act on (not make light of or downplay)
red flags.
Bottom line: We cannot be passive; sussing out whether someone is an N is a proactive activity. Upon discovery of an N, we must
immediately remove ourselves from the N's firing range
BEFORE the N shoots at us.
Nowadays, if I see
red flags, I will not make an excuse for it or tell myself I'm over reacting. I'm just going to remove myself from the N's orbit and absence myself from the N's life.
Leah,
I think the the operationsdouble website (
http://www.operationdoubles.com/narc/npd-blog/index.html) has some excellent info.
Leah, I think that because we were raised by Ns, we are more vulnerable than those who were raised by healthy people. Additionally, because we were raised by Ns, we are more vulnerable to Ns and Ns can sense that. Based on what I've read, this is why children of Ns often marry Ns. Also, Ns can sense our vulberability and that's why they are drawn to us- ie: that predator article; ie: your Church Group "friend", remember, as you said SHE chose you. Additionally, because we were raised by Ns, we are familiar with the abuse inflicted on us by an N and so, to us, the abuse feels "normal".
Therefore, we just have to be very aware of people we encounter and scrutinize their Nness. When the
Red Flag waves, RUN!!!
"I will have to join another Church group, but, am a little bit worried how that will look." Leah, who cares how it looks? I bet that many people in both of the Church groups KNOW she's an N. They may not think of her as an N, but, I bet they know she's bossy, bullies, lies, one-ups people, etc. And, if they don't know that, then they're enablers in denial and you don't want to be with them because they are not healthy.
Now that we know about Ns, we don't want to be with Ns, enablers, people in denial or anyone who is mentally/emotionally unhealthy. Now that we know about Ns, we don't want to be with anyone (friends, lovers, boss, co-workers) who abuses us. If we're in a situation where we can't avoid them (work), we ignore them, don't give them supply and don't let them abuse us. We don't let the predator target us.
Yes, it takes time to find healthy people, but, they are out there (so I hear!) and we gotta find 'em.
dazed