what's happening to me?

[tryingtocope]

I think my mom is npd.  I started going to therapy to address some of my issues.  A couple weeks ago I was talking to my T about something, and I was driving home and suddenly I didn't know where I was.  I've driven this route many times.  I don't remember making the turn, but I did make the turn and was on the right road.  There are other things that happen that others remember and I don't.  My mom asked me what to get my daughter for her birthday.  I told her skates.  Then a few hours later I went in her room and she already had skates.  I didn't know she had skates when I told my mom, but right now I remember when she got them. I bought my daughter a dora set for Christmas.  I was wrapping it when my husband came in and he said why did you get her that, she already has that.  I argued with him and he showed me and I asked where she got it and he told me I bought it for her.  I DON'T REMEMBER BUYING IT FOR HER     I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Tryingtocope

I can only imagine how scary and frustrating this must be for you.  My memory isn't great and I can understand where you are coming from.

I'm not too sure what is happening or why you can't remember but it is obviously affecting your life so I would advise to see your doctor and talk it over with him/her.

I'm sorry I can't be of any more help, but I do hope your doctor will take this seriously and be able to advise something.

Take care

H&H xx

[Portia]

Hi Tryingtocope

Are you taking any medication which might affect your memory? Some SSRIs I’ve heard can affect memory.

Has this started since you started therapy – it might be associated with remembering memories that you haven’t thought of for a long time, if at all. I’ve often found myself so absorbed that I simply don’t notice things, let alone forget them. (I kind of get caught up inside my own head if you see what I mean.)

I agree with H&H, please see your regular doctor about it in case there’s a physical cause.

How do you feel about your therapy?

Having memory lapses isn’t unusual, and without knowing more I’d say you’re not abnormal.

Is it worrying you a lot? Please talk some more if you wish. And welcome!

[Sela]

Hi Tryingtocope:

Welcome.  Sorry you are having such a confusing bout of memory lapse.  Something similar happened to me when I was experiencing trauma.   The problem disappeared after awhile, once I was dealing with stuff in a more calm frame of mind and with less hysteria.

Maybe the shocking discovery of information about NDP combined with thinking your mom has the disorder is traumatic for you??

Or is it possible that therapy is awakening or encouraging the awakening of traumatic memories for you?

I just wonder if something is really upsetting you and if that might be a possible cause these episodes?

It's a lot to deal with all at once.   Maybe it's causing a sort of interior panic and so your brain is compensating by keeping all resources available to deal with that  (thus......it's ignoring what it sees as unimportant information like remembering who got what for their birthday from whom when and what road leads to where)?

The name you chose for yourself...Trying to cope...suggests that is maybe what you are trying to do?
That made me think that you are trying to cope with a lot and that that might be what is causing you so much distress?

   I felt like I was losing my mind when that happened to me.  Hope it helps to say... I didn't (although, some people might argue that point --- just kidding).

Do ask your doc about it and try not to worry too much.
Hopefully, this too shall pass.

Sela

[tryingtocope]

Hi Healing and Hopeful....  my T is taking it seriously... she thinks I should be on meds.  I can be just fine and then something or someone will trigger me and I feel terrified, like I can't talk, then I try to compensate and end up making jokes, and I have thought that my moods were just swinging.  I'm not sure what is happening now, because my T keeps saying things like I dissociated, and that was the child in you, or that was the teenager in you.  It feels like mood swings happening rapidly.

Portia - that's what I fear the most, is that I am abnormal.  I don't know when I was driving if I was in a deep trance or what, but I don't remember making the turn, and that feels so scary for me.  It happened after a session with my T when I was discussing a traumatic incident that happened when I was a teenager.

Sela - I'm hoping and praying it is just what you say, that I am overwhelmed and just having memorie lapses, but incidents come up where my kids will tell me I did or said something and I don't remember. 

I have an appt with my T tomorrow and I will discuss these things more with her then.  Hopefully things will be okay.

[reallyME]

Tryingtocope,

I cannot encourage you enough, that if your therapist suggests meds, please agree to at least try them.  I realize that you might have heard all kinds of bad things about people having problems with medicine, but I am a person whose life was literally changed because of meds.

I had some borderline, bipolar and also ADHD issues personally.  I am on a med called topamax, and within 30 minutes, I went from the mind of a child to a mind of an adult and I've gone back to college, my marriage has turned around, my friends that I split up with are now back in my life and I'm able to even handle relationships with N's because their little "inside jokes" and "digs" don't go "over my head" anymore.

Even if you find out that, after a long while of trial basis, the meds are not your preference, at least follow the advice of the therapist and give them a try. 

One suggestion though...I did a LOT of research before I decided WHICH MED I was willing to test out on my brain.  The T said "Depakote" I said NO WAY...the T said ___________...I said "I will try Topamax."  It's YOUR BRAIN, not THEIRS, and you have patient's rights to decide what you put into it.  So, please do the homework and research side-effects, talk to others who are already on the med, before you agree to try it, but DO give it a try and see if your thinking improves and you feel a lot clearer.

Blessya,
ReallyME

PS...now you all know the reason I picked this name "ReallyME" Smiles

[Teartracks]

Hi,

I've had memory problems associated with childhood abuse by NPD mother and I have lost my way from time to time.  I jokingly tell friends that I get lost backing out of the yard, but there have been periods when I get 'lost' more than others.  It is unnerving.  I want to follow this thread and glean along with you as the mystery of not remembering unfolds.

I think I'm understanding that you are not taking any meds.  On the outside chance I misread, I thought it might be good to mention Ambien, a sleep medication that can cause disturbing memory problems.   

[tryingtocope]

Bean...  I read your post this morning before I left for my appt.  You said it is normal for a person who has been abused to dissociate.  Your words calmed me greatly today and my T agreed with you.  I am feeling much better since my session.  After talking with my T, I realized that I have been dissociating most of my life, I just didn't know there was a word for what was happening to me.  There are parts of me that take over when I am triggered and since starting therapy I have become more aware of it and it produced a panic.  But my T says this is good because it is part of my healing.  She said when you suffer from abuse as a young child this is the bodies way of protecting you and becoming aware of what is happening is part of healing. 

ReallyMe - I did discuss meds with my T.  She will be working with the prescribing doctor and he will make a recommendation for the type of meds I should take.  I told her I am willing to listen to what he recommends and have him explain to me how they will help.

Teartracks - if you are comfortable sharing the times you've lost your way I'd be interested in hearing. I buy things for my kids that i don't remember buying, and say things I don't remember saying... until I'm told by my kids later.     Do you have people tell you things that you don't remember?   If your not comfortable sharing, I understand... 

 

[reallyME]

Trying,

I pray that you will find the help and/or meds that will allow you a new lease on life and the opportunity to truly be free in your mind, body and spirit.

~ReallyME

[teartracks]

Teartracks - if you are comfortable sharing the times you've lost your way I'd be interested in hearing. I buy things for my kids that i don't remember buying, and say things I don't remember saying... until I'm told by my kids later.     Do you have people tell you things that you don't remember?   If your not comfortable sharing, I understand...
 
Hello Trying,

Honestly, I don't think I can shed much light on this subject especially as it applies to what you describe.  Here's the only thing I can offer as to my own memory losses.  I break it down into three segments.  1)  Childhood:   Except for a few instances, my 'memories'   are mind pictures with no associated memory attached.  I think these are probably flashbacks.  2) Lost:  I have had these very short lapses of memory most of my adult life.  There have been periods when the lapses were more frequent than others.  These lapses have occured during office time, at home with family, or driving, actually any time while awake.  I think one name for it is de ja vu.  Ambien:  I am an insomniac.  My physician prescribed Ambien.  Memory lapses, even temporary amnesia are commin side effects.  I experienced those and others. 

Sorry I have been so little help in your situation.  I agree that seeing your physician is a good place to start.  I hope you'll keep updating here.

teartracks