the bad-guy wins for now

[movinon]

Well,

He got visitation - 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends PLUS Tuesdays overnight.  It didn't seem to matter that my older daughter and I testified to multiple incidents of abuse - they didn't even deny it!!!!.  It didn't matter that he hadn't seen or talked to her in 5 weeks (of course had a good excuse for that).  I feel defeated.

He admitted to "removing" the motorcycle w/out permission, to having the gun (after lying to the police - which the judge seemed to gloss over).  He has to turn over the gun and passport and motorcycle - big wup.  He gets our daughter, unsupervised.  I can not protect her. 

Apparently CPS has not even CONTACTED him which the judge took to mean that it wasn't a high priority case or that it wasn't currently in investigation.  She said we seemed to "fall down" somewhere and perhaps we could work together to get back on track.  Yeah, I fell down when he HIT ME!!!!  I woke up is what happened.  What is going on here?

WE did get the psychological evaluator we wanted, but from the literature I've read, these people can fool the eval. pretty easily and suck them into OZ to where they are singing their praises or at least not looking at the faults.  At this point, I just wonder if it's worth it to spend another 5K after spending 10K to get kicked in the gut.

Life is sucking right now...

Movinon

[pennyplant]

Dear Movinon,

I'm so very sorry for how this turned out.  There is just no satisfactory way to explain how some people can be so blind when you really needed them to see how it is.   

Pennyplant

[Hopalong]

Oh Movin.
Here are strong arms and a spongey shoulder...until you get another wave of strength.

You will.
I am so so so sorry.

F****ing COURTS!

Hops

[mudpuppy]

Thats the problem with court. If you get a good judge you're fine. If you get a jerk it doesn't matter if you have Perry Mason on your side.
Are you stuck with this judge if you go back to court?

mud

[Sela]

((((((((((((((((((((((Movinon))))))))))))))))))

It's not for nothing.  You've stated your concerns and they're on record.  That counts.
Call cps and let them know that you are still very concerned and that if anything happens you'll be suing them.

Document, document, document.  Every word to them and their responses. 

And all about the children.
Their mood, appearance, etc when they leave.
All notable differences when they return, especially anything that you suspect is out of order, which you then get a witness to, take pictures of and report to cps.
Especially what the kids say to you, word for word.

You can call them.  You can document those calls and the tone you pick up.
You can teach them to call 911, other safety stuff, especially to do with their bodies.
You can let them know that they can tell you anything that bothers them.

Stupid judges suck but not all judges are stupid.  Can you ask for a different one?

Sela

[write]

Sela's right.

You made your point and all the injustice in the world can't undo that.
I am sorry for you and your daughter that the system didn't 'listen'.
But that doesn't undo the validity and importance of you standing up for yourselves and setting the framework for your lives.

My favourite aunt used to tell us 'the truth will stand when the world's on fire'.

With an entirely open mind start a journal recording your ex's contact, what gets said; what your daughter is like when she returns.

How old is she?
Does she have to go if she doesn't want to?

[movinon]

Write,

She's 6 years old wants to see her dad...no matter how abusive he is. 

How do you prove psychological abuse?

He got up there on the stand and lied, lied, lied.  I'm in a really horrible place today.  I have done EVERYTHING that has been asked of me-by the book.  I will hopefully speak to my lawyer today about getting another judge.  I feel like everything is moot at this point.  I am doubting myself terribly.  When I called the police, they discounted me, CPS has discounted me, the therapists we saw never brought up the abuse and now the judge totally discounted me. 

If there's anything that can make me feel like I've over-reacted or that I'm crazy, well, this is a good combination.  He'll be having his gf babysit most of the time I'm sure and what a wonderful victory for him.  Now he can go back and tell everyone "I told you I was telling the truth about how crazy and vindictive she is". 

Thank you all for your kind words of support, but I'm just not able to take them in this morning.  I just feel sick and I want to fade into the furniture.

Movinon

[write]

go easy on yourself.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((((((((MO)))))))))))))))))))))))))

You're in shock. Your feeling sick and sad is totally understandable.

This will lift and you will be able to deal.

I swear.

Breaattthhhe.
Be very kind to yourself for a week or so (well, forever).

I think it's more urgent that you do some self-nurturing right now than anything else.
Then you'll be able to take a deep breath and resume the battle.

This is truce time, armistice. You need a bit of emotional rest.

Hops

[Portia]

Movinon

A child needs only one good parent to grow up whole and healthy.

You’re a good parent.

You’re a good person.

Life isn’t fair and judges and the system are sometimes crap. We know that.

Please don’t doubt yourself. You’re doing fine, you’re doing your best.

(((((((((((Movinon))))))))))))

[moonlight52]

Movinon     It seems to take a magnifying glass to find Justice in a courtroom at times.But have faith keep records of every thing.
                You are a great parent that is the most important thing.
                In the court system there is so much game playing that when you just come on in and tell the truth you can get hurt again .
                But hang in there tables turn .Keep records carefully. Do not give him any thing he can use against you.
                Good luck ! You and your child will be OK!   Remember the tables will turn he will goof up .The truth will be seen .You know
                who you are.
                Your sweet child knows.
                moonlight
               

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Movinon

I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said here.  I can't imagine how low you must be feeling right now and as an adult child of divorce, maybe you can take some confort that I feel angry with the courts who dealt with my families case.  I fail to understand how someone so far away from the situation decides where you live, which parent you see, when you see them etc etc.  There are no easy answers.

I agree with the others, document, document, document.  I imagine that the worst thing about this must be feeling like you've been discounted and discredited as her Mum, but please don't doubt yourself.  Stay strong.

Take care

H&H xx

[mudpuppy]

Hi movinon,

I'm really sorry for how it went. Court is a form of Russian Roulette.
But, you might not be able to appreciate this right now, Ns can be beaten in court. You just have to perservere. They cannot sustain their lies forever. I know its expensive, believe me I know. But your daughter is worth it.
I really believe as bad as the system is, if you continue to force it to watch him eventually you will be able to protect your daughter. Eventually the system will see what you do. There's no guarantee, but I believe persistence and perserverance and demanding they do their job will pay off. There aren't many forces in nature which can withstand a protective mother.

mud

[mum]

Movinon. I am so sorry. I feel your pain right now more than you could know. I have spent so much money trying to fight an N in the courts and it does seem futile, I know.  Family courts are loaded with people like our ex's stompiong around getting their primitive needs met and strewn in their wakes are the rest of us who try to take care of our children.
The world is insane, that's why it's so hard to "prove" anything within the courts.  What passes for "normal" is really unbelievable.
Please know that you can and will recover from this, your daughter can and will come into her power with such a difficult dad. I know it, I have seen it with my own daughter.  I, myself, would not have claimed my life back if I had not had such a tormentor for an ex.  This perspective I have now was hard won, but like childbirth, well worth it.

I don't know how you will find the way, as it is different for everyone, but I do know you have in front of you, the opportunity and the ability to grow and flourish and surpass this seemingly endless negative place in time.  You will prevail.

Darkness cannot survive in the light.
Stay down there as long as you want or need to, but know you can come back up when you are ready, and happiness, and light and love will be right there for you.
(((((((((((((((((((Movinon)))))))))))))))))))))))))
So much love to you.
Mum

[movinon]

Write, Hops, Portia, Moonlight, H&H, Mud -


Thank you for all your words of support.  Today I'm in a better place and know that time will take care of this.  It was just so hard to see through the fog yesterday.  I think being kind and easy to myself needs to be my top priority.  I am just so "comfortable" in the fight.  I am aware that I am full of warrior energy and I need to stop and nurture myself (or allow myself to be nurtured) more often. 

It seems since he got the green light to have contact with his D and all the "drama" and near tears in court of "not haveing contact with his D for 5 weeks and 2 days" he would have at least called her by now.  Well, one thing's for sure...even though the police, courts and CPS deny my reality, he always proves me right.  I know in my gut he does not want to have that much contact with her.  He's in sex heaven right now with his new woman and nothing else matters.  I know this beast that he is too well.  When this woman wises up and leaves, he'll be back with a vengence.

Mud - I am not stuck with this judge, but my attny. thinks the other judge would be similar.  She has mentioned an appeal, but doubts that it will do any good.  One of the only things that is holding me up is that this dog will have his day.  I hope I am there to see it.

He did purger(sp) himself on the stand that I can prove.  He said he 1)stopped taking showers with our D years ago and used it for teaching purposes only and 2) used a washrag.  CPS reported to me that my D admitted to showering with her dad and that he did NOT use a washrag.  Hmmm.

Mum - As usual, the love that comes through your words bring me to tears.  Thank you.



THE BIG QUESTION - Should I do the psych. eval?

Movinon