Author Topic: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?  (Read 7483 times)

mudpuppy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #15 on: April 27, 2006, 08:59:43 PM »
Thanks mum and Hops.

And thank you Jona for reminding me who said that good stuff.

mud

TNT

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #16 on: April 27, 2006, 11:16:32 PM »
My ex N's behavior was very similar.  He didn't show all of these behaviors in the fast pace yours did.  We had an 18 year relationship.  I was 19 when I started seeing him romantically. 

I had never been in love with anyone before, so I didn't realize how fast our relationship got serious.  I just thought that my relationship was what everyone experienced.

I noticed pretty quickly how crictical he was.  I also noticed our differences.  He was very detailed oriented, perfectionist.  But then,  he was also very sloppy and sloven when it came to things he did and how he took care of himself and his home.

He become overyly critical when he was teaching me to drive stick shift on our way from Oklahoma to South Florida.  I told him to back off and quit yelling at me.  The more he yelled; the more nervous I would become and the more likely I would put the car in the wrong gear.

I was 19 and I think I looked pretty good in a bathing suit; I've always been pretty curvy.  I would not say that I was overweight at all.  He said that I needed to start watching what I ate and workout more often. 

When you are 19 that is probably the time when your figure is probably the best.  It really hurt my feelings.  I told him that I would start once he started.

His being critical never got any better for me.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells all of the time.  I kept trying everything I could try to make things better for us. 

I changed my religion.  I started my own business to have more time to spend with him.  I made new friends, because he did not like my old ones.

I tried being overly nice to him.  I tried being mean and rude to him.  I tried ignoring him.

I tried being "Miss Suzy Homemaker" for him, "Miss Corporate America" for him, "Miss Super Slut" for him.

I kept noticing all along it felt like he was emotionally unavailable to me.  When we would have rare emotional connections afterwards he would be even more distant to me.  This was so confusing.  For we would be so close and loving to one another one day; then he would be so withdrawn and distant to me the next day.  I would wonder what I had done to cause him the act like that.

I finally just signed up for therapy.  I decided that I couldn't give up until I truly thought I had given our relationship the best shot I could.  Now I wish that I hadn't spent so much time with this person.  I just loved him so much.  I truly thought that he loved me too.  When I met him he was 22 years old.  He changed somewhere along the way or maybe his true personality just started surfacing or the False identity started to show.

That is what is so confusing to me.  If you meet an N at a very young age do you ever see there real personality?

gratitude28

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2006, 12:08:02 AM »
Hi TNT,
It sounds like you were smart enough and strong enough not to get sucked in the whole way! Good for you! Next time trust your instincts. I think being young, like you said, you don't have comparisons as to what is healthy/normal. NOW YOU KNOW!
Hvae you defined what you DO want out of a relationship? That will help you determine whether a person is right for you and your life.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Hopalong

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2006, 01:44:26 AM »
Welcome, TNT. This really confuses me too:

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That is what is so confusing to me.  If you meet an N at a very young age do you ever see there real personality?

I hope somebody has some insights on this for both of us!

Hopalong
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Hopalong

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2006, 09:32:45 AM »
Thank you, Storm.
This needs more thinking about.

Maybe I'll start a thread.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

dandylife

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2006, 10:32:19 PM »
Some of these posts seem very flippant in their attitude toward what you've been through and that bothers me. You've just been through a traumatic, manipulative experience that changed you as a person. You were confused and rightly so. I would advise you to read as much as you can about this type of personality disorder so that when you encounter people like this, you will know what to do.
Your question: how would you classify this girl? She's someone who treats the people in her life as objects. She doesn't see you (or any boyfriend) as a real true-life human being with thoughts, feelings and attitudes of your own. Is there hope? People can change, but even after therapy for this type of personality disorder, many people still treat others badly. There are people out there who are respectful, loving and empathetic. Good luck.
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

ezpzlemonsqueezy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2006, 07:33:25 AM »

Dandylife thank you for your comments

I have an appointment with a doctor on monday and Wednesday because I need some help. I am continually waking up at 3am in the morning reliving the entire 6 month experience. It is if I am looking to blame myself. I am feeling a lot of signs of depression and I cannot raise my child or do my job if I am sleep deprived. I flew into Florida yesterday for a visit with my family and I could not stop crying when my sister picked me up at the airport. It is getting ridiculous.

I am trying hard to de-personalize the whole thing..I consider myself a pretty good guy. I seem to be sufferring thru some naivety in which I can't understand how someone would do that to me.

I keep reminding myself of all the things she told me about her ex-boyfriend who she dated for ten years who never proposed to her and he earns twice my salary. In summary she told me that she stayed with him for ten years out of convenience and how he would not marry her because he was too concerned about his money. Last year as soon as I said I loved her she dumped him and she was onto me. This year within weeks of a January 23 ultimatum from her where  I said i could no longer commit to marriage because of the abuse she was onto a new guy.   She boastfully told me over the phone how he wanted to her to take him shopping and that he said that if she married him she could retire  This is all in the space of a few months and now they are serious.

We always have this image of monsters as uniformed world leaders. Accepting the fact that a monster may also come in a persona which is adorable is lesson to be learned.

I am trying to accept the fact that it is all part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I have been trying to medicate myself by reading some of the Sam Vaknin sites on NPD.

What they say applies so much to my ex-g that it is scary.

"Classical, full fledged" narcissists victimize. Nothing evil here, nothing premeditated, no sinister grins. Simply an absentminded, offhanded, kind of indifference and lack of empathy. And a lot of hurt people.

Narcissistic individuals do not tend to be physically abusive although there are some out there that are. Their worst weapon is their mouth. With their mouth they spit verbal negations and dispense emotional abuse. Their vocal cords are their method of attempting to control others.

Nor can the narcissist come to terms with his need for help or acknowledge that wrongful behavior on his part may have contributed somehow to the situation. His self-image as an infallible, mighty, all-knowing person, far superior to others, won't let him admit to shortfalls or mistakes.

Happiness, joy, and the effort to please others is not normally undertaken by the narcissist except in the beginning or potential ending of a relationship. At either of these points, the narcissist may be charming, helpful, pleasing, and amusing beyond imagination. But, this effort is only used to obtain a new narcissistic supply source or to win back the affection of an important source if abandonment appears eminent. At all other times, the narcissist believes his/her presence, is clearly and abundantly sufficient to maintain the loyalty, trust, affection and respect of those which the narcissist already considers his/her object. So, the narcissist will postpone, withhold or procrastinate the continuing efforts that are essential to maintaining any kind of meaningful relationship. A narcissistic person is unable to fake the emotion of love for another for a long period of time. This impairs the capacity for a committed relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, marital instability and promiscuity are prominent in those with NPD.
Narcissists can be happily married to submissive, subservient, self-deprecating, echoing, mirroring and indiscriminately supportive spouses. They also do well with masochists. But it is difficult to imagine that a healthy, normal person would be happy in such a folie a deux ("madness in twosome" or shared psychosis).

Then, when reality conflicts too often and too evidently with this figment – he reverts to devaluation. His behavior turns on a dime and becomes threatening, demeaning, contemptuous, berating, reprimanding, destructively critical and sadistic – or cold, unloving, detached, and "clinical". He punishes his real life spouse for not living up to his fantasy, for "refusing" to be his Galathea, his Pygmalion, his ideal creation. The narcissist plays a wrathful and demanding God.

The problem with being the narcissist's supply of adoration is that it does not come without verbal abuse and negation. In the end the narcissist will verbally abuse his supply in such a manner that if they do not need him excessively he will run his supply off. This is what the narcissist fears most--the lost of his supply. Unfortunately the narcissist is a narcissist and, therefore, is incapable of being anything but a narcissist. In the end he accomplishes what he fears most--losing his narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is also so paranoid that it is difficult for others to withstand his paranoid episodes. All things considered, usually the greatest amount of time that anyone can take the narcissist's paranoia and the abuse dispensed by the narcissist is two-three months. Then his supply needs a break.

The narcissist is not in touch with his emotions. Therefore, he does not care how he hurts others. He does not see others as human beings with feelings and needs. He has no empathy for others and cares only for himself. The narcissist never completely lets go of any individual he has found that can provide him with narcissistic supply until he finds that he can no longer stir up any type of sensation in that person whether it be positive or negative. Only then will the narcissist let go. Or, if the narcissist finds a better source of narcissistic supply he will quickly throw you away.

The narcissist is attracted to people that are inferior to him. Associating with these people makes the narcissist feel superior and confident that he can maintain his narcissist supply and control his supply. Although, he would like to socialize with the high status people whose names he frequently drops, these individuals will seldom tolerate the narcissist's inappropriate behavior for any length of time and in actuality these individuals evoke fear in the narcissist.

Narcissists have little sense of humor. They don't get jokes, not even the funny papers or simple riddles, and they don't make jokes, except for sarcastic cracks and the lamest puns. This is because, lacking empathy, they don't get the context and affect of words or actions, and jokes, humor, comedy depend entirely on context and affect. They specialize in sarcasm about others and mistake it for wit, but, in my experience, narcissists are entirely incapable of irony -- thus, I've been chagrined more than once to discover that something I'd taken as an intentional pose or humorous put-on was, in fact, something the narcissist was totally serious about.

Narcissists will never accept the blame for anything that happens in a relationship. They are quite ready to blame the other person involved. They expect to be the center of attention in a relationship and demand their every wish be fulfilled by their partner.

Don't expect the narcissist to get better with age. By the time they are old they have pushed everyone who has ever tried to care about them away. Their narcissistic characteristics also seem to increase after the death of parents or loss of others that have exerted some type of control over them.

A relationship with a narcissist can at times be fun and invigorating. After the relationship has come to an end, for the non-disordered, there maybe a feeling of let down or boredom. A relationship with a narcissist is like a roller coaster ride--there are extreme highs and lows. Be thankful the relationship has ended. The best advice for anyone who is presently involved with a narcissist is to RUN! The relationship won't get better. Also, it's better to get out before the narcissist snatches away all your self-esteem. Remember, their worst weapon is their mouth.

Brigid

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #22 on: April 29, 2006, 10:24:21 AM »
ezpz,

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I have an appointment with a doctor on monday and Wednesday because I need some help.

Is this with a therapist or psychiatrist or your primary care physician?  I understand the sleep deprivation issue and your need for medication to deal with that.  However, if you are falling into depression, just getting more sleep will not fix that.  When my xnh left me 2 1/2 years ago, I couldn't eat or sleep and was dealing with severe situational anxiety and depression (we had been married for 22 years at that point).  As was talked about on another thread recently, I would strongly recommend getting into therapy, but also find a psychiatrist who can prescribe and monitor anti-depressants, if that is indeed what you need.

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It is if I am looking to blame myself.

Yup, that is how they make you feel.  Most of us have gone through that at some point.  Just know that it is not your fault and over time you will come to terms with that.

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Simply an absentminded, offhanded, kind of indifference and lack of empathy.

This is a good description.  It left me feeling like I had entered the Twilight Zone once he showed his true colors.  They also are very good liars and live by the lie.

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Narcissists have little sense of humor.

This is one I would have to disagree with.  My ex was (and still is) very funny and loves to be the center of attention with his humor.  He often doesn't get why his humor may be inappropriate or hurtful to others, but he is still a funny guy.

It took me over 2 years of intense therapy with a wonderful therapist to understand why I hung around for all those years and ultimately suffered so much when he abandoned me.  It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself, and something I would probably not have done if the marriage had remained intact.  I hope you will consider doing the same.  Do it for the sake of your daughter and for yourself.  There is a reason down deep why you allowed this woman to suck you in and make you think you loved her.  You need to figure that out and heal that part of you so you can look for someone in the future who will be good to and for you and your daughter.

Blessings,

Brigid

ezpzlemonsqueezy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #23 on: April 29, 2006, 11:22:48 AM »
Hi Stormchild and Brigid,

To answer your questions..

1. I am going to a psychiatrist for medication.

2. We met through one of the most popular dating web sites while she was still with her boyfriend which was unknown to me. She was not sure when we would get together because she was about to go on two trips. Little did i know that these were planned trips with the 10 year boyfriend. She gave her phone # and here is the exact message she sent --  from the dating web site (with the phone number's removed)
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"You can call me when I return, if you would like to. My mobile # **********. We return on 8-28-05. I may go away again on 8-30-05 until that Sunday, I'm not sure yet."

Well I have to get ready, the car service is coming for us at 4:30am.

Thanks for the email. I hope you have a wonderful week.

I'll look forward to your call.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
we met six days later

ezpzlemonsqueezy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #24 on: April 29, 2006, 11:50:22 AM »
Teen age girls can be very perceptive.

The last time I got together with this woman my teen daughter would barely speak to me.

After about three days I said to my daughter "why are you barely speaking to me?"

My daughter replied "dad do you have any idea what is going on here?"....."do you realize that the last time we got together she made it sound like everything was your fault"..."can that be possible?".....she want on to say "my own friends who have been over for dinner say that she picks on you constantly".  "Dad, they don't like her and worst of all they think the chicken she makes is way too dry"

Finally after a few days my ex girlfriend in one weekend...criticized my dress, my dentist, smelled doo doo in my car, lectured my friends daughter who she never met before for an hour and told me I had no credibility regarding the break up with my wife 10 years ago. That was all I could take..and then when I tried to discuss it with her all she could say was "there you go making yourself a victim again!". I said "is this a joke because I cannot believe what you are telling me?"..."I told her that I could not take it anymore"....She replied "OK have a nice life and hung up". I think  she had new narcissistic supply ready to take over.

My daughter said "Dad I know you are unhappy - but I am so glad it is finally over!"

ezpzlemonsqueezy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #25 on: April 29, 2006, 04:00:52 PM »
I have a had a very interesting life to say the least. 

My ex-wife deserted my daughter and I ....when my daughter was five years old.  She did not even leave a note. For five years I did not even know if my ex-wife was alive. Can you imagine what the police think when someone goes missing like that and there is no note?  Because I had no note and had no concrete information I always told my daughter the only truth at the time that I knew that her mom was missing...I had to take a lie detector test as if they thought I killed her or something..It was hell. I was actually able to get a divorce by going thru the court process on my own.

In the early years I just did not know what to do...I took my daughter to a lot of plays (sound of music,King and I) and concerts (spice girls). After five years I finally found out that my ex-wife was married somewhere in Colorado with 2 kids.  We don't know her phone number and my daughter has not spoken to her mom in ten years. BTW my ex-wife has not seen her own father since that time and my daughter and I see him on a regular basis.

I don't why I got involved with someone like my ex-girlfriend. I just always had the desire for a complete family again. When I met the ex-girl friend I was confused by her supposed love of family and me. My mother is actually very loving and nurturing and nothing like her. But I think It is my easy going style that makes me a target. I have a very nice house and a real good job. However I never know when to be assertive. I am too busy trying to be a nice guy and be fair. Also I don't think that I ever had been attracted to someone physically as I was her. I forgot all the real important things.

The desertion of my wife and the effect on my daughter and I is something I will never find funny for as long as I live.

Returning to the saga of my ex-girlfriend. She did not think it was such a big deal about my ex-wife's desertion or what I went thru and this is where her narcissistic lack of empathy was on full display.  She would tease me and say "you are not going to box me are you?" which translated means "you are not going to kill me are you?".  If anyone out there thinks I should find that funny than please let me know because after not knowing if my ex-wife was alive for five years I can't laugh at that.

We were having lunch that final weekend in February ( 2 of my long time friends, myself and the ex-girlfriend)...That was when she made the comment regarding the desertion of why ex-wife...."<my name removed> you have no credibility regarding your's  ex-wife's disappearance and I think you are playing <my friends name removed> and I for fools"....as if I was a liar....Why would  I make up a story like that?....that I was all I could stand...that was it.

How could someone be so abusive in their words?  I did not know it then but I know it now...as muddpuppy said so eloquently in an earlier thread ...I must have unwilling made a call to central casting for a textbook NPD psychopath!

Ex-girlfriend of mine, I don't care how desirable you on the outside...I don't know who your new guy is. I hope he is not out there now buying that engagement ring after two months.  I hope he does not ever have to suffer the way you have made me and countless others suffer. You have been doing this to men since 1991 when you divorced your first husband. He is going to figure you out!  Life is just too precious and you my little sweetie are just not worth it!

As for me...I am going to heed all the kind words and advice spoken by these people and heal myself, be the good person that i know I can be and move on.

ezpzlemonsqueezy
« Last Edit: April 29, 2006, 05:04:46 PM by ezpzlemonsqueezy »

ezpzlemonsqueezy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #26 on: April 30, 2006, 06:51:18 AM »
I took my daughter for therapy during the first two years after my wife's desertion. The therapist would basically have my daughter play with blocks and make drawing's to interpret her feelings. The therapist at the time felt that my daughter was fine. 

The approach I have taken for years is to encourage my daughter as much as possible. I truly believe that she can accomplish whatever she wishes. She has been a dancer since she was five. She made all city as a first chair flutist in our town's school system. She has a lot of friends and she is the goalie for the field hockey team. She has had a boyfriend for two years who appears to come from a very nice family. I have been over there many times and they are very nice. She is on the phone with him every night helping with math homework. She tells me how many of the girls her age are starting to drink and smoke but that she wants no part of that.

I am starting to make plans for her sweet sixteen next year, her first car and she is starting to tell me what her career goals are. With all that has happened she tells me the other day that she thinks she may want to become a psychologist since all her friends come to her with there problems.

She has such a sense of self that it is a wonder that she is my daughter. She has much more self-esteem than I have.

Somehow and I know it sounds crazy, I have never felt that I fit in being a single dad raising a daughter. I just did not think that society really allowed for that. I have aways felt like the odd man out. I always felt that no one would be interested in me because I was a raising a child and that I was a full time parent. What would I have to offer since i cannot drop everything because I have a daughter that is the best thing that every happened to me. Knowing that I have an ex-wife that deserted us has always been an embarrassment to me. What do people think?  I don't want anyone to think that I am a monster or anything because I am truly not. When the ex-girlfriend made jokes about my ex-wife's desertion that is the worst thing that anyone could say to me.

I always felt that the man who was not raising a child would be picked over me.  I think that this belief has led me to get into some relationships with the wrong people. I seem to gravitate towards women that are really controlling. I always begin relationships as the guy who is the answer to their dreams because on the outside I am going along with every thing they say because I want to be accepted and I am always questioning myself and asking if I am maybe too sensitive?

This is exactly what I did in the last relationship. I was probably the only man who put up with her abuse so to her it appeared that I was the man of her dreams when on the inside I thought she was abusive. This coupled with the fact that I do not trust my own judgement has created some confusing situations. Based on what happened I am just feeling so unloved now. I think she is abusive. She thinks she is not and that I am the one with the problem. No matter what I do and no matter how hard I rationalize  it is so hard for me to accept that she is the way she is because of NPD. I want so much to blame myself and I cannot figure out why. In my opinion if you threaten your daughter by pulling up in front a women's shelter and telling her to get out than that is abusive?
I basically want to live a quiet live and be happy. Right now i am feeling so unloved and I am thinking very negatively. I know objectively that this does not make sense but this is where I am right now and I am hoping I can change things around. It seems so real to me. After this thing with the ex-girlfriend this is the worst that I have ever been.

EZ

« Last Edit: April 30, 2006, 09:15:31 AM by ezpzlemonsqueezy »

ezpzlemonsqueezy

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend? -breakthru by bean
« Reply #27 on: April 30, 2006, 09:21:55 AM »
Quote
OK, there's a lot here, whether you know it or not.  Do you?  If you stick around, we could probably help you a lot with this...  What about being a nice guy to yourself?  Did you ever think about that?  Most likely, you've been trained (by a parent) to take care of others - their feelings, instead of yours.  When you're trained to do this, it becomes very hard to 1) figure out what you're feeling and 2) ask for what you want.  This is a recipe for disaster in a relationship.  Trust me, I know!!
.

Bean, you have it!  that's it.  I was raised to be the "good boy" by my mother

I spoke with my mother this morning and she was basically raised the same way...to be the good girl.

She admitted to me how she got into the wrong relationships because she wanted to be loved. Marrying the first husband after six weeks.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2006, 09:28:52 AM by ezpzlemonsqueezy »

mum

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #28 on: April 30, 2006, 11:32:02 AM »
Hi, EzPz: I am sorry your daughter's mother deserted both of you. Someday (maybe now?) you will see this as a blessing that was meant to be.

Bean has touched upon something similar to my experience.

I noticed in your last posts that you feel negative and recognize that you may be drawing the same, by way of the natural law of attraction, to yourself. I hope that by sharing a little bit of my path, you might see some light for yourself.

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She has such a sense of self that it is a wonder that she is my daughter.

Do you see how in one sentence you say what a wonderful person your child has become....(that girl you raised by yourself) and immediately denegrate yourself?  It is NOT a wonder she is your daughter. She IS so wonderful BECAUSE you are her father. Now, start saying THAT to yourself.

What I have learned is that our self talk is what drives us. Where is your self talk driving you?

I, too, came from a wonderful, loving family, and did not have a N parent. I did not choose an N (ex) husband because he was like my father. As a matter of fact, he was polar opposite. I chose him because I needed to learn things I could not learn any other way. And, fatalistic as I am, I believe I was destined to have these wonderful children.

I honestly thought, that to be a "good girl", I had to place my needs and desires LASTLAST LAST! And that probably came from my own interpretation (through birth order, past lives, astrological sign......assign any reason you wish...I don't know, really!!!) of my families' general religious/spiritual bent.  I took it to mean that I was a victim of others, a martyr, if you will....and that itself, kept me a "good girl". God forbid, I should do anything "selfish" or even self preserving. If so, well then the deep self loathing just set in again.....giving me the outward appearance of a confident person but the innate esteem of a pile of oatmeal.
Everyone else's opinions about me meant so much more than my own. As my mentor said, I gave up seniority over my own life.

But, just so you don't ADD to the self loathing, understand that it only helps to take inventory of your life, AFTER you decide you are worth more. Otherwise, you will just say: what a jerk I am/ have been for thinking poorly of myself...and the cycle of self abuse continues.

When I hit bottom, so to speak, it was my son who prodded me to get it together.
I started to see (therapy helped!!!!) that I had made choices in life, based on my core beliefs. I had to look at what those were.
I decided to change them, and thus change how things were manifesting for me in this life.

One thing that helped me, was to look at (I read everything!!!) just how belief systems drive our actions and thus our experiences. How energy, that invisible yet undeniable force in everything, works in life, in relationships, etc. AND I decided that to change my life, I had to change my MIND. That's where everything starts....with our thoughts. I analyzed exactly what I told myself about myself. What I knew to be TRUE and what kind of life experiences had overridden that truth and become the voice in my head.

I decided. I changed. I can't count on others changing. Only I can change. Our only true power in this world is internal.

Well, I could go on and on and on. But MY telling you  (and I'm sure most people here would agree, too) that you are a deserving, wonderful man, and that your ex GF is a total N/freak, and that you have been dealt a nasty blow by your ex wife (and I mean NASTY, what with all the fallout), matters naught. OUR opinion cannot mean more to you than YOUR opinion about yourself.

Maybe you can start there. Give yourself a break. This being human is about being fallible. It's also about being compassionate, not only to others, but to ourselves, as that is where love starts....the love we have towards our own humanity.

I wish you lots of love, light and insight!!

pennyplant

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Re: How would you classify my ex-girlfriend?
« Reply #29 on: April 30, 2006, 11:46:09 AM »
Mum,

Thank you for sharing these beautiful insights with ezpz.  I'm finding them helpful to myself as well.

I always tell people,"I was raised to be 'a good girl' and that is not 'good'."  And you have explained exactly why that is so.  It makes so much sense.

Ezpzlemonsqueezy:  Mum is right--your daughter is so great because she is YOUR daughter.  Now you need to believe that.

Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon