Hi, EzPz: I am sorry your daughter's mother deserted both of you. Someday (maybe now?) you will see this as a blessing that was meant to be.
Bean has touched upon something similar to my experience.
I noticed in your last posts that you feel negative and recognize that you may be drawing the same, by way of the natural law of attraction, to yourself. I hope that by sharing a little bit of my path, you might see some light for yourself.
She has such a sense of self that it is a wonder that she is my daughter.
Do you see how in one sentence you say what a wonderful person your child has become....(that girl you raised by yourself) and immediately denegrate yourself? It is NOT a wonder she is your daughter. She IS so wonderful BECAUSE you are her father. Now, start saying THAT to yourself.
What I have learned is that our self talk is what drives us. Where is your self talk driving you?
I, too, came from a wonderful, loving family, and did not have a N parent. I did not choose an N (ex) husband because he was like my father. As a matter of fact, he was polar opposite. I chose him because I needed to learn things I could not learn any other way. And, fatalistic as I am, I believe I was destined to have these wonderful children.
I honestly thought, that to be a "good girl", I had to place my needs and desires LASTLAST LAST! And that probably came from my own interpretation (through birth order, past lives, astrological sign......assign any reason you wish...I don't know, really!!!) of my families' general religious/spiritual bent. I took it to mean that I was a victim of others, a martyr, if you will....and that itself, kept me a "good girl". God forbid, I should do anything "selfish" or even self preserving. If so, well then the deep self loathing just set in again.....giving me the outward appearance of a confident person but the innate esteem of a pile of oatmeal.
Everyone else's opinions about me meant so much more than my own. As my mentor said, I gave up seniority over my own life.
But, just so you don't ADD to the self loathing, understand that it only helps to take inventory of your life, AFTER you decide you are worth more. Otherwise, you will just say: what a jerk I am/ have been for thinking poorly of myself...and the cycle of self abuse continues.
When I hit bottom, so to speak, it was my son who prodded me to get it together.
I started to see (therapy helped!!!!) that I had made choices in life, based on my core beliefs. I had to look at what those were.
I decided to change them, and thus change how things were manifesting for me in this life.
One thing that helped me, was to look at (I read everything!!!) just how belief systems drive our actions and thus our experiences. How energy, that invisible yet undeniable force in everything, works in life, in relationships, etc. AND I decided that to change my life, I had to change my MIND. That's where everything starts....with our thoughts. I analyzed exactly what I told myself about myself. What I knew to be TRUE and what kind of life experiences had overridden that truth and become the voice in my head.
I decided. I changed. I can't count on others changing. Only I can change. Our only true power in this world is internal.
Well, I could go on and on and on. But MY telling you (and I'm sure most people here would agree, too) that you are a deserving, wonderful man, and that your ex GF is a total N/freak, and that you have been dealt a nasty blow by your ex wife (and I mean NASTY, what with all the fallout), matters naught. OUR opinion cannot mean more to you than YOUR opinion about yourself.
Maybe you can start there. Give yourself a break. This being human is about being fallible. It's also about being compassionate, not only to others, but to ourselves, as that is where love starts....the love we have towards our own humanity.
I wish you lots of love, light and insight!!
