EZ,
I can relate so much to your struggle.
What the goal is, I believe, is NO CONTACT.
I read books with titles like "Don't Call That Man". You could too, actually. You might find it interesting. The whole thing was designed to help someone break the compulsive, addictive, desire for contact with someone with whom the relationship was:
1) Over
2) Toxic
3) Fantasy-based
Meanwhile, I'll tell you that I did send my last Nbf a link on narcissism. Suggested he read up on it and calmly stated that I believed this was what his issue was. He wrote back all defensive, and I just stayed calm, said, sorry you have to dismiss it, best of luck to you... Anyway, as ever, he subtly, manipulatively managed the last word. He posted on his artist's website a meaningless "artist's statement" that explained how his paintings were intended to create empathy. HAH! Bet he'd never thought about that word for 5 seconds in his life, but this was his subtle way of weaseling out of confronting anything...he'd just co-opt it.
So I truly believe there is no satisfaction for you whatsoever in any contact with her under any guise. Even to help her wake up. She won't. She's hardened into who she is, and she's not going to change.
You, meanwhile, WILL get over your feelings of loss and humiliation. You will get your dignity back. You will eventually stop daydreaming about the next time you see her and how you might react. You will eventually NOT CARE what she thinks or does or with whom.
This is really really true, EZ. I swear it on a stack of everything.
In the meantime, NO CONTACT will help you push through it faster. Plus, diversions and support. How about posting here every time you feel the contact urge? We could prop you up until it passes. I know what it's like, like dieting or quitting cigarettes, and a buddy system really does help.
Hops