For those who remember me...

[mia]

I just wanted to give a quick update.

First, I would just like to say hello and I hope everyone is doing OK.

Now for the latest regarding my XN and father of my two children (now ages 6 and 8

A call to child protective services was made a few days prior to Easter. The call reported extreme emotional & verbal abuse from XN.
Also, X N had been abusing the pet kitten he has at his home in the presence of the children (picking up kitten and throwing it into the wall). The children were terrified.  They knew better than to even attempt to seek out the kitten to comfort her b/c of Dad's wrath. My poor daughter told me she waited until Dad went to bed that night until she went to look for kitty.  Thankfully the little creature was fine physically.

Anyway, X N is being watched closely.  Of course the system hasn't suspended visitation but I feel that this is a step in the right direction.  Unfortunately, emotional and animal abuse doesn't seem to be taken seriously enough. 

The children's school also was questioned and the guidance counselor confirmed that my daughter was reporting emotional abuse and animal cruetly to them.

X N has been dead silent since this investigation began and in a way this scares me b/c I wonder what he is plotting.  I know he is just waiting until he feels the heat is off him before he retaliates.

Sorry this is so brief but things have ben a little crazy here.  I'll try to catch up more later and read through the various threads to see how everyone is doing.  I'm sure there are a lot of new faces here too!

Take care all.
Mia

[Brigid]

Mia,
So good to hear from you.  I'm sorry that things haven't improved--actually gone down hill from the sounds of it--but hopefully someone will sit up and take notice soon.  The animal abuse is over the top for me and I'd have a hard time not wanting to throw him against the wall.

I am sending many hugs and prayers to you and the kids.

Blessings,

Brigid

[mudpuppy]

Hi Mia,

I was just thinking of you a couple of days ago. I was going to PM to see how you were.
He's lying low becaause he's scared and well he should be. Sounds like he is more out of control all the time.
Maybe this is the first step to getting him out of their (and your) lives.
It certainly won't help him in the future.
Prayers to you and your family. Those who persevere win.

mud

[mum]

Mia! So good to hear you are still hanging tough. I am so sorry your ex keeps getting lower and lower..
I had the same thought as Stormy: in this state, animal cruelty is a crime...
But I know you will need to weigh that with what that will do, further, to your children....
I am sending you images of a happy life, sans the psycho exN. Here's to a mental vacation.....creative visualization....happy kids, safe kids.....no more crazy making. Bless you. Sending happiness your way.....

And you probably already know this: people who abuse animals are very likely to abuse children....duh, right?  You are doing a good job protecting your children. I remember way back when, thinking your ex's behavoir would catch up with him...he would be his own downfall. Well, here it comes. Your kids will be fine. Picture it. Make it happen.

[write]

your ex is a psychopath, whatever are protective services thinking...hurting animals predicates increasing violence.

Well, you are building a record and a pattern. And your ex will be finding in not such a long time his children will be refusing to spend time with him.

SPCA is a good idea to try help the poor cat.

Have you read the Lundy Bancroft book on violent men? ( it's on the recommended reading list somewhere on the site )

You could pass it to the social worker after...

Hang in there.

[Portia]

Hi Mia, the posts above say it all. Welcome back, I think you're an inspiring woman.

[Hopalong]

Mia,
I am so glad CPS has been notified.
I wonder if it's important to repeat the calls as often as there's a reason...
the system gets so overwhelmed sometimes.

Seems the throwing the cat into the wall thing should be a huge red flag.
I would tell absolutely everyone that knows or might be in contact with the kids, urging them to call CPS also at the first sign of anything. Are his neighbors alerted?

I also support the idea of calling the SPCA...really important.

Please keep us posted.

Thoughts are with you,

Hops

[movinon]

Mia -

I am so glad you are being proactive, but please DO NOT depend totally on CPS.  They are unpredictable at best.  My stbxh is STILL emotionally abusive to my D and has been sexually and physically abusive.

CPS did nothing (well, except talk to us - didn't talk to him for MONTHS).  I called the case worker repeatedly and she never returned my or my lawyer's calls.  We ended up in court w/ a prelim. hearing where the judge decided that b/c CPS had not contacted him (it had been 3 months), it OBVIOUSLY wasn't a high-priority case.  THANKS CPS!!!!!  He got standard visitation (unsupervised).

They were only interested in the sexual abuse aspect and showering and sleeping w/ my 6 yo D wasn't enough to "alert" them to do anything.  They wouldn't even LOOK at the dv part of it.  They referred me to a woman's shelter for that.

If I had to do it all over again, I would GO to CPS instead of waiting for the stupid case worker to return my call.  I was too afraid to look like the crazy one, so didn't push it.

Sometimes the agencies that are meant to protect, fall very, very short.

Movinon

[Sela]

Hi Mia:

I'm hoping this is a good thing.....the CPS involvement and that it will eventually lead to steps to keep your children safe.  Do you have a lawyer?  Lawyers seem to be able to get through to CPS sometimes...firmer... and show how serious you are.

I have kept and will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Hi Movinon:  It does not seem prudent or rational the way CPS has chosen not to act, in your case.  I hope you continue to keep meticulous notes of evvvvvvvvvvverything that goes on, that the kids say, that you notice about their behaviour, etc and document accurately.  It's a pain but it may yet pay off.

Sela

[seasons]

((mia))

Sending healing and thoughtfelt wishes to you and your children. seasons

[mia]

Brigid,
Thank you for the support. The animal abuse was indeed over the top and the fact that the children had no choice but to witness it made me physically ill.  My daughter is still reeling from it. She said, "Mom, I always wanted a kitten but I wouldn't have got one if I knew Dad was going to hurt her."  She was blaming herself.

Mudpuppy,
Hi, old friend. I think of you and your family too.
Yes, he is becoming more and more unglued.

Storm,
It's very nice to hear from you. I'm sorry I forgot to mention in my orignal post that X N did give the kitten away to his half sister who BTW is a wonderful young woman.  Thank goodness for small favors.   Now if only I could get the kids away from him too.

Hi Mum. 
Thanks for the positive energy, girlfriend.
X N has been talking to the children about moving to the West Coast (sorry West Coasters).  I have been hoping, wishing, and praying that this will happen. It would be a dream come true to have a country between him and the children. Apparently his plan is to be gone before my daughter is 10.  This could all be some sort of game though. 

Write,
I will look into the Bancroft book.  Thanks for the suggestion.
I have also been working closely with the children's therapist and school guidance counselor.  The guidance counselor has been absolutely wonderful!  She is such a strong advocate for my children....especially my daughter who meets with her regularly.  She was very forthcoming with child protective services.  She has really helped my daughter develop and use coping strategies while at Dad's house.  My daughter is beginning to stand up to Dad in little but significant ways. 

Portia,
Thank you for your confidence in me.  You are too kind.

Hopalong,
I really feel that word is getting out and being believed more and more.  I know the school is no longer fooled by him and he knows this.
He now refuses to take the children to any events/activities related to school.....even birthday parties b/c I know he fears that the other parents are not thinking good thoughts about him.

Movinon:
I am so sorry for your situation. The system is tragically flawed on so many levels. I know not to put all my faith in it.  Believe me when I say it was not on the top of my list for help but sometimes desperate situations call for desperate measures.  Actually, the CPS worker was floored that I had presented these abusive situations to a Judge in family court and the Judge DID.not.blink.an.eye over any of it. He ignored it.
It really sickens me.

Amazingly, both children are thriving socially and academically.  Emotionally, I think they are doing above average which is excellent considering what they are forced to endure.

Sela,
I do have a lawyer.  Just got the bill in the mail to prove it. 
Thanks for your prayers.

Seasons,
Thank you for your wishes and thoughts.  They are much appreciated.

Hugs to everyone,
Mia