Bean

[seasons]

Quote from Bean from another post.
mud,

I don't know if you saw my post to you.  I'm going to "make public" any PM's you send to me in the future.  This is because I believe you're trying to dump toxic shame on me in them.  Not healthy.  Not helping.  I know you're not trying to do this, but you are.  OK?  It hurts when you do this.  Which is why I give you the warning.

Bean,
I can't believe I was put in this position, but I am. In your own words above is how I was left feeling.
I don't know why you wanted me to be filled with shame? I'm hurt it does not sit well with me at all.
I'm only speaking for myself and how I feel. I don't like to know others secrets and asked to keep them.
Way over stepping your boundaries. again in my opinion. I feel so terrible and I can't shake it.
seasons

[movinon]

Guys, I hope you don't mind me chiming in here, but I like to offer compliments where I see them due.

Bean - I see you being vulnerable by offering amends to someone.  IMO, this is a sign of someone who is (truely) working on themselves and looking at their own issues.  Time for healing.  Good for you.

Movinon

[Hopalong]

Dittos, MO!
Much respect to you, Bean.

Hops

[MarisaML]

I wanted to comment too!  Bean, it seems that you are trying very hard to do the 'right' thing.  I hope that you can both reconcile your differences.  As I think you are both fair-minded people.

[Hopalong]

Aww, Bean. It's horrible when a personality in cyberspace can traumatize someone in real life.
I'm really sorry it happened.

BTW, I think Marisa just was sending generic good wishes...not meaning to dis your reality or your experience. (Sometimes we track things closely, sometimes not so much.)

I know you feel brittle Beanie, but I think your whole performance here has been honest and brave and clear. Now that I've heard about your dream and the suffering it's caused you, I realize more clearly how very hard this whole struggle was for you.

And admire you all the more for it.

Rest peacefully, Bean. Nothing "real" is going to jump out of the bushes at you. There was just a dysfunctional drama that went on -- on a message board -- and I promise, you are not in danger.

Love,
Hops

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((Bean))))))

I can imagine how you are feeling about all this and if it will help you, then post about it.  I feel you need to do what is right for you so you can move on and leave this behind.

Take care

H&H xx

[Sela]

oh brother!

That is disrespectful to both people.

Sela

[seasons]

hi seasons,

whole paragraph has been edited.
I've read this several times now and I think you feel that I've dumped some toxic shame on you, by PMing you?  I'm sorry seasons.  That was not my intent.  My only intent in PMing you was to tell you my plan for posting.  It wasn't a secret for you to keep.  It was a "hey, I'm informing you of my address change, in case you wanted to write" sort of thing.  If this has triggered you to think I'm asking you to take sides, I'm very sorry.  Had I known that PMing you would cause you any grief I would not have done so.  I actually don't plan on PMing you again, OK?  Now that I know this.  Thanks for setting up your boundary with me.  no worries

bean

Hi Bean,
I didn't sleep well either, up late and the reason for my late reply. I have to admit I got a bit confused today when I reread your reply and it was completely deleted or edited. So I slept on, so to speak what you had replied last night.
Today your reply is different. I understand that can happen after rereading someones thoughts and how we or I
process them, also time does makes things a bit clearer, at least for me.
Yes, I thought I was keeping a secret. While I felt you and a certain group including me, new you were going to post under another name, then flipping back to bean. I felt again, I felt misleading to other posters.

Obviously it was a misunderstanding on my part. I took it the wrong way and did not have to keep it to myself. My apologies Bean.

Just to clear anyother misunderstanding on my part, this had nothing to do with my religion. I have not had
a dialogue with anyone about Religious Debates.

Thank you for your relply. seasons

[movinon]

bean -

Please keep sharing here.  Your feelings are welcomed.  Again, I hear you owning your stuff.  

It's my stuff.

It takes a big person to do that.  It's easy to keep blaming and condeming, but you are choosing not to do that.  You are talking about YOUR feelings.  I felt targeted and hugely disrespected by the same.

Movinon

[Hopalong]

Bean and Seasons,

Thanks to you both for demonstrating how courteously and kindly a confusion or misunderstanding can be sorted out.

That was really nice example of good intent and good communication, imho.

Hops

[MarisaML]

Marisa -

If you go back and read all my posts (click on my username)...and you go back and read all of reallyme's posts (click on her username), you can see that she has responded to imagined things I never said - other people may have posted them to her.  But I didn't.

So, we can't reconcile what didn't happen.  OK?

I'd appreciate it if we stuck to the facts here.  That's crazy making to me for you to say "I hope you'll reconcile."  It implies I was in a fight with reallyme and supports her accusations of me - which are only that - accusations, not facts.

That would go a long way in my being understood here.  If you can't be supportive of that, please don't comment to me.

Thanks,
bean

Okay, now I'm the one being MISUNDERSTOOD.  I thought THIS thread was about you and Seasons NOT you and ReallyME.????  Perhaps reconcile was the wrong word to use with you and Seasons. *&^% What's the right word.  I don't know.  I was only trying to be supportive of you.  And that's all.   BTW.. I'm familiar enough with Message Boards to know how to click on usernames and all that, but thanks anyway.  Under the circumstances I don't think that is necessary. 

[MarisaML]

sorry Marisa.  duh, of course you meant seasons and I.   

Now I know that's my stuff, cause I imagined something that wasn't happening! 

Thanks for not holding that in - thanks for explaining.  I have such a headache about this whole thing, I am not thinking clearly.  my fault totally, I shouldn't have snapped at you.

i hope you'll accept my apology?

bean

Of course I'll accept your apology.  No problem.  I've not had such a good day myself.  It has been a terrible and emotional day..ugh.  Don't worry that I will hold anything against you.  Don't we all make mistakes?  Just take deep breathes and relax.  Everything will be okay.