Hi MarissaML,
Wow, thank you! I feel your love, wisdom and sense of humour. You're awesome (celebratory tone). I hope you're right (that I don't have the "D." I have been looking for a role model/mentor for as long as I can remember, now I feel the urgency for me to be a role model for the younger men around [sigh]. Do I have affection for others? I know I can identify with people whose wounds seem to resemble mine in some way, but do I have love for them? I'm embarrassed to say, I really don't know since I have never been loved by anyone "you know you have found love cause if it comes your way, you'll be weeping" - ? I've started to get the odd tear here and there during the past 2 years, perhaps building me up to the weeping? (in God's hands) I'm so grateful and also embarrassed to say that I've received the most support from the replies I've received on this board. And I witness your recent 12 year journey MarissaML. Thank you for sharing it with me, it has helped and given me hope, encouragement and has fuelled the idea that I can choose my friends rather than just being passive. I look forward to the day when I can blow away the Grocho Marx joke about not wanting to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
Hi ANewSheriff,
Can we cut a deal together? I'll tell you more about me and my life if you can tell me what needs they will meet for you? I know it may seem obvious but it'll help me to hear it directly from you.
I'm glad they didn't have Ritalin when I was in "school." I just heard today on the radio that kids become hyper in compensatory response to parents who are depressed. Ritalin is a stimulant and it has the effect to make the kid tilt over to disassociative spaceland. The announcer said he wish he could break the knuckles of anyone who tried give Ritalin to kids and then direct the attention to the depression of the parents. If the PARENTS cured their depression, the kids will calm down. Any thoughts on this?
I ask cause it helps me to see the link more between my personality in response to my "parents" depression.
I'm extra sad recently because I went in for acupuncture and told the "doctors" my story, it turns out they released stagnant qi (energy) only to be fuel for the unhealthy pattern already at work (in others words, now I'm more spaced out, less grounded, eat more, breath more shallowly, and my nose drips unexpectedly). I later read that often acupuncture has the opposite effect. I offer this up as a red flag for others. TCM may have originally been about body/mind union but as it's practiced, in my opinion, it serves to further the split.
Thank you all! Full respects,
Anansi
"A negative is one stroke of vertical awareness away from being a positive" (heard this on a tape by Allen Cohen)