response from Write

[WRITE]

I don't mean to be offensive to you Jacmac,
I am sorry if you are feeling hurt;

I apologise for hurting you.

I am also human.

Look at it this way:

if I start a thread which says
 
Don't take this the wrong way but- Hey Mudpuppy, you remind me of this old pervert who really hurt me as a child...oh and hey Portia, you know I told you what a nasty b*tch my mother was to us, you're just like her!
Oh I don't mean any of this literally, it's just the way y'all make me feel.*

~how would I make people feel?

Sympathetic? Want to discuss my problems?

Maybe, a few days or weeks later, if they were really understanding people. Most likely they would be hurt and cross that whatever my pain or issues I singled them out in a therapeutic community and attached horrible traits ( cruelty, child abuse, attention-seeking, lack of caring you gave me for example ) to people I don't even know! For no reason other than 'a cry for help', in a place where you only have to post the words 'help me' and people are all over it.

You might at best assume I had some communication difficulties and that exactly is my message to you jacmac- don't write stuff like that, unless you are prepared for brute 'honesty' or 'retaliation' in return. You want to be human and spill your emotional guts, so don't expect others to be superhuman in response.

I have feelings too, and if you found what I said offensive today, I am so glad I did not respond in anger last week, because I would not want to hurt you or anyone; plus hurting others only hurts me.

***

When you wrote what you did I went away, dealt with the ensuing emotions, then did what I always do- go back and view what someone says dispassionately and with an attempt to learn something.

I am in a no-win situation as to whether I even post here again:
if I disappear some people who have been corresponding with me via the Board for a couple of years, in some cases more, are going to be upset because I did not let them know, and in some cases they are worried.

If I ignore jacmac it's just apparently more of the same- me unable to see anyone else.

If I respond, yes, I am a creative writer; my mild response today was merely one phrase I had a problem with but decided to leave in even if it was hurtful and non-constructive. Of course I can do more; writing professonally is all about invoking emotions.

I came here like the rest of you for support over a troubled time and because NPD is so back and forth, wearing, destructive of will and confidence...and there needs to be a forum for people who are involved with narcissists. There was a time when I needed this forum to work things out each evening, just to commune with other people who know what it's like to spend weeks hammering out a decision, for the result to shift at the eleventh hour. For you to be found lacking again and again, despite the fact you manage a household/ company. For someone to feel the need-unbelievably, unrealistically, imperturbably to act out. Again and again and again.

No one need apologise for their feelings, or for sounding off.
But acting out- believe me, NO ONE needs to go down that road and find what a blind alley it turns into.
And if I- with Bipolar 1- can learn to rein it in, anyone can.







* illustrations- I deliberately chose two people who don't fit the characteristics, no less shocking though is it, to be associated with yucky traits.

[Stormchild]

Hi write, glad you're back!

...you only have to post the words 'help me' and people are all over it.

Sadly, that has virtually never been my experience here, and I've seen folks left twisting in the wind many, many times.

Not everyone gets love-bombed here when they could really use it.

As you were... [on edit: I meant that 'as you were' in the military sense, as in, back to what you were doing. Didn't mean you were love-bombed. If you were, that's a good thing!]

[WRITE]

not everyone gets love-bombed here when they could really use it.

well maybe that's something people can be aware of, some people feel left out and don't know how to get included?

I think when I am depressed it has been worse for that-sometimes the world feels like a giant party going on just out of reach.

[Certain Hope]

Hi Write,

I'm also glad you're back and hope that you'll stay and continue to post. I truly admire the manner in which you've "reined it in" and I also appreciate the views you've expressed here and in your other posts for both their basis in reality and for their fluency. Your thoughts and reactions seem honest and level-headed to me. Reading you helps me to get my feet back on the ground through my own swirl of emotions (which threaten to overwhelm at times when I see some of the interactions here.) I agree with so much of what you've said, but am reluctant to discuss it and risk the eruption of another round of defensive responses. I don't think your posting here is a no win situation, Write. It's obviously helping you to sort through a number of issues in your own life and I assure you that it's been of great benefit to me (and others too, I believe). Sometimes there seems to be a sort of competition here... for attention, for approval... for love.... with the members of this board being called upon to take sides. It often reminds me of the methods employed by kids who try to play their parents against one another to get what they want. The dynamics of the whole situation can get particularly nasty when inspired by envy of another "kid" in the family who seems to be the "favored child". What a mess.  All around us we can see the damaging effects of the elevation of self-interest above the best interests of the group as a whole, whether it's a family unit, a sports team, a church... any group cooperative effort. The ties that bind us together are fragile and need to be tended with care. No blind alleys for me. I had enough of the defensive posture in my years with N. I just hope you'll keep telling it like it is, Write.

Hope

[reallyME]

I guess this is why I'm glad I have my "don't give a rip" attitude about walking on eggshells with people.  They can't hurt ya unless ya let em get under your skin for any length of time.  Recently, someone decided to backstab me and then walk away.  For 2 days I grieved, but by the time they came back, I was stronger and able to state my feelings boldly but gently.  I'm learning.  I've been reading a book called "When to Speak Up and When Not To."  I am seeing where my communications in the past, were too aggressive and closed off people's spirits.  I'm still non-tolerant of N's and cautious around BPD's, but I'm learning that I don't have to set them off by my own words.

Laura

[WRITE]

Thank you, Certain Hope.

I am seeing where my communications in the past, were too aggressive and closed off people's spirits.

That's great!

[MarisaML]

Write ,
I'm glad that you came back and I hope you stick around.  You make very valid points.  I'm sick of people hurting my feelings and then others expecting me to just get over it and except it.  I feel that we should all be held accountable for our actions.  Some of the most hurtful things that have been said to me.. the person who said them didn't even give it a second thought.  I'm left lingering over those words years after they're said and they never even noticed that it hurt me so badly.  Oh well.  I didn't mean to make this about me.  Only to let you know that I know how you feel. 

Marisa