Author Topic: I'm angry with the English language  (Read 4777 times)

Portia

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #15 on: June 02, 2006, 10:02:38 AM »
Hi Anansi

I wanted to respond to this before but didn’t, so:

I've so often been told that I'm too sensitive.  I don't really know psychologically what that means.  Now I suspect that for me it means that I lack a sense of self, thus project too much onto others, leading to too much reactivity to their responses or lack thereof to me.  Are there any other ideas about the psychology behind being "too sensitive?"

My immediate response is: who says this, what type of people are they, do you trust their perceptions, do you share their world-views?

I think it’s better to be told that you’re sensitive rather than insensitive?

Being sensitive, example. Hope you don’t mind if I look at this (hey you can say so, tell me to back off, okay?):

I am looking forward to learning the (more later) and (later) parts of your story.

Can we cut a deal together?  I'll tell you more about me and my life if you can tell me what needs they will meet for you?  I know it may seem obvious but it'll help me to hear it directly from you.

I’m thinking what have I missed, because you appear to be defensive. So I look back for the bracketed parts and find:

Only child, "father" put death wish on me (more later) and mother molested my entire soul away (later).

And I think: how would I feel about being asked for more information on those, in particular? Ummm I might be sensitive about that, I might wonder why someone wants to know particularly about those things, rather than saying simply ‘looking forward to hearing more from you’. Yes, I think I’d be on my guard, I’d imagine someone wanting to pry. Am I too sensitive? Too sensitive for what exactly?

This sounds so aggressive to me, the way I’ve written it. I thought, how could I say this differently, and I don’t know. Any suggestions? I’m being honest, I would have reacted defensively too, does that seem odd???

Anansi

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #16 on: June 03, 2006, 03:08:20 AM »
Hi Portia,

Thank you for the feedback, for sharing and for connection.  And thank you for seeing the link between what I said about my childhood and for what I said about being "too sensitive."  I feel seen and heard.  And I didn't notice it before and you're right, if someone says "I look forward to hearing more from you" vs the other one, I feel better. 

You wondered if there might have been a different way of saying what you said  Well. ... I'm good with what you wrote, thank you for asking.  It sounds like we both share a desire to express ourselves in as healthy a way as possible?


Hi H&H,

Thank you for your welcome.  And after I read your feedback about how Ns don't do some of the things I did, I feel better.  I appreciate you pointing this out to me.  It helps me.  Thank you again Portia and H&H for keeping this thread going. 

I went tonight to a free intro lecture on Sufism.  After the opening chants, the speaker talked about symbols.  Someone from the audience asked what the symbolic meaning of the Cross meant. It was very unclear and vague but I felt uncomfortable, several people left and I suspect that some were offended.  Actually, I was offended.  Around that moment, it hit me that the only way for different cultures to understand each other is through psychological understandings - especially N (habits, tendencies and D).  I will never return to hear this speaker (who came from Michigan) because I believe he has N too.  Today I started reading "Trapped in the Mirror" - I'm assuming most regulars here on this board have read it.  I was written in 1992.  Have you? 

Anansi






Anansi

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #17 on: June 03, 2006, 02:18:02 PM »
Wow, I just listened to a short radio interview of Sam Vaknin (www.ladybuglive.com/acl.htm) it was painful.  At one point I thought the interviewer was about to break down and cry.  Varkin did dramatically lower his tone of voice and tried to speak more gently for awhile.  I suspect that in ten years time, his social skills (and mine) will be significantly better.  The lesson for me is to put much much more focus on connecting and relating and much less on spreading insights (showing off).  I just wanted to share this.  I live alone and don't have anyone to talk to.  I need to take in N material in small doses. 

Whereever you may be today, may you see beauty.
Anansi

"A personality whose very existence is a derivative of its reflection in other people's minds is perilously dependent on these people's perceptions. They are the Source of Narcissistic Supply (NSS). Criticism and disapproval are interpreted as a sadistic withholding of said supply and as a direct threat to the narcissist's mental house of cards." - Sam Vaknin


pennyplant

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #18 on: June 03, 2006, 04:02:08 PM »
Hi Anansi,

I don't think I've greeted you yet, though I've been meaning to.  Your posts are very interesting.  A whole different take on things.  A variety of imagery.  And I don't think I'd like actually listening to Vaknin, just based on what I've read on this board about him.  I can't even handle Howard Stern, so Vaknin might do something to my very blood vessels.

Anyway, I'm enjoying your point of view.

Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

Anansi

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #19 on: June 04, 2006, 08:42:07 PM »
Hi Pennyplant, I hear you.  And thanks for connecting and for taking care of yourself (by listening to your feelings and protecting them by not clicking on link).
Hi Bean, Thanks for your take on the interview.  On reflection of what you said, yeah! you're right, he does sound like a professor in many ways. I hadn't thought of it at the time.  I also appreciated the phrase "subtle abuse."




moonlight52

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #20 on: June 05, 2006, 07:30:41 AM »
HI Anasni and all, Thank you for bringing up the subject of Mr.Sam Vakin .Mr.Vakin has his own website I believe that the fact he is a self proclaimed n causes problems.
I hope in your search as you reach out for connection Anasni you are feeling the kindness that is being sent to you  :D,
What books are you reading now? Do you like to go to see movies? Also I love cats.I have 2 cats.The first one is named Ebebe and she has blue eyes and taupe and tan fur with grey tipped ears.Also we have Iris who is a kitten for my 13 year old daughter and Iris the kitten
is a calico with green eyes and she can go fetch.If I sit on a chair and toss a straw or light stick this kitty will chase it and bring it back to me .
Isn't that cute.............
Love and Light  :D
Moonlight
« Last Edit: July 01, 2006, 05:11:03 PM by moonlight52 »

Anansi

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Re: I'm angry with the English language
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2006, 06:57:58 PM »
Hi Moonlight,

Thank you for sharing and connecting.  You hope to see me well via your encouragement saying Sam Vaknin's site is often a springboard to healthier resources, if that's right, thank you.  And you hope I may feel some of the kindness that you've experienced here, if that's right, thank you.  Yes, I've felt kindness here.  And I celebrate how you've worked through some of self development things here. Say hi to your cats for me.  I love cats too.  And Bean, I support you in posting your truth - Fight the Good Fight.
About movies:

I'm now watching season 6 of West Wing - a great program.
I'd say that the guy who plays the British Ambassador to the US, Lord ... something (forgot his name) is a bonafide NPD.
And Toby and Josh are becoming less N in this season.  They really made Mrs Bartlett into a smothering mother figure, didn't they?
All loveable characters (except for the Lord guy).  Any other sharings on West Wing welcome!

Anansi

"I voted for West Wing but got the Sopranos" - ?