Hiya Certain Hope:
I took this very personally (in my head I thought you were referring to me
):
I've had occasions where mutual forgiveness was expressed verbally but then the other's cavalier attitude would strike me as insincerity. I truly don't deal well with "cavalier" and I've long been aware that plenty of nastiness can be barely veiled beneath a guise of wit and humor.
When I see that, I figure there's an agenda underlying the message which precludes any genuine sincerity.
Since Stormy and I had expressed mutual forgiveness, over on the "patience" thread, and I tend to joke around a lot and make no secret about it, I thought you meant I was the one with the cavalier attitude and you weren't just thinking it but saying it, which set me right off, since you don't know me and we haven't even had an interaction before now (which by the way, welcome to the board. I haven't had much of a chance to read your posts yet but I hope to and I hope you will find any support you might need here and anything else good that will help).
Then, me thinking you were calling me calalier felt like another diagnosis. Like being diagnosed a liar or insincere. Those might not be in medical books but they feel like some sick, disease or wicked, untreatable illness to me. And I try really hard not to lie and I know I'm sincere, so I really freaked out thinking this.
Also the words: "veiled beneath a guise" .......oooooo that sounds so nasty and Nish and accusatory and like such a rotten, mean thing to decide without knowing a person......can you see where my brain took me?
Also "there's an agenda" and we all know whoooooooooooooooooo we use that word so frequently ...to describe......so it sure made me think you were slyly trying to insinuate that I am an N....and haven't we already been down that road, elsewhere recently, and haven't we learned yet that it's not appropriate for anyone here to DIAGNOSE like that...??
or is it even.....sllightly respectful, for that matter, and/or helpful? And I was thinking too, why would you, who I haven't even spoken to here yet, go about insulting me and diagnosing me ......jumping to conclusions about me, someone you don't know and haven't spoken to?.......if you weren't .....taking sides......which led me to believe you were not being honest about that either (you were lying--in my head--
).
And I have an aversion for lies.
But.........you have taken the time to apologize here to me, even though you didn't feel like it and only did so because you think it's the right thing to do. It feels weird to read that but it does sound honest, and I appreciate that. I have no reason not to believe you. I'm doing my very best here to be reasonable and to reject the idea that you were speaking about me at all. It's very possibly and quite likely that I've misunderstood what you were saying and what you meant, which I've done before and will likely do again sometime. So I forgive you entirely and I do also apologise for my own run away thinking and conclusion jumping and misunderstanding.
You wrote:
There will always be people whose personalities conflict. Perhaps you and I are two of those, although I had not yet gone so far as to make that judgement, at this point.
I guess we'll have to wait and see eh CH? I'm not all evil or swimming in conflict or as mucked up as a my rain boots, I don't think. You seem like someone not so hard to get along with and you took the time to post some of your stuff to me and it was humble of you to say you were "careless" and to say you're sorry, when you didn't really want to, so I give you double points and a big check mark. You're ok in my book. I trust your intentions and thankyou for all of that.
I wasn't referring to you when I used the word pious, I was referring to myself. Your statement....
But at the risk of giving the impression that I'm trying to come across as pious
made me wonder if maybe you thought I was referring to you? Haha! If so!! Welcome to the
"she must mean me"
club! Is this where you feel I insulted you? Or was it that I asked if your comment was supposed to be helping?
Given the way I was thinking at the time, I hope you will understand that I was feeling insulted and attacked and misjudged and treated unfairly myself. I was trying to communicate with Stormy, and I felt you weren't encouraging that to happen .....and so I double appologise for returning the same treatment to you, when I would have been better to wait until I was calmer and possibly clearer headed (or something near that--which can happen sometimes
). I'm sorry I insulted you. I didn't mean to either. I really mean that.
But somehow I get the feeling that no matter what I say or don't say, someone will take offense
because it's within their own self to do so.
I'm not taking offense to your words. I appreciate all your effort. Thanks CH.
Sela
