It's been a long while since I've been here - trauma so I'm back

[Overcomer]

Hello everyone!!  Rather than start a new thread, since I experienced some trauma today I thought I would vent.........

I told my mom I had a boat load of work to do so to please not pile all of her work on me..........................so a little while longer she asked if I could come into her office and go over some things.................so we went through all the little details that she thinks are so important............we get so much junk mail...............mostly I toss it.  She looks at everything and thinks she needs to act on it.  So she was asking me about an important decision for our business and I told her, if we keep the bookkeeper than we can go with the less expensive solution because the bookkeeper will keep us in line.  If we lose the bookkeeper we have to stay with the more expensive solution because they hold our hands more and we will need that without bookkeeper.

Well, that opened a can of worms.  The fight began.  I told her, "Did you call me in here to start a fight?"  And she said no.  Then she started throwing accusations at me, etc.  I told her I could talk to any employee I want because I am the GM!!  She is the CLASSIC "the emperor has no clothes" or "there is a pink elephant in the room" person.  (I think Jac started a thread like that!!)  I call it like I see it.  She invalidates what I say and blames me.  It's funny.  I blame her for everything.  She blames me for everything.  It is a vicious circle.  We go round and round and round.  Good news is I don't back down.  I told her I thought her behavior was arrogant and prideful (and it IS!!!!!)  She said something like, "I don't make any money at this job so I reserve the right to make any decision I want for the business."  I told her that that statement was arrogant and prideful because if she makes poor decisions for the business than it doesn't matter if she makes much money or not - they are bad business decisions.

So anyway as one person on this board told me "Give it up, give it up, give it up - to God (sorry for those agnostics - but He is the only person I know to give it up to - no comment on all that on this thread.....maybe I'll hop over there and put my two cents in....)

[Hopalong]

No apologies needed for this agnostic!
I'm glad you have a strength and source to give it up to, Kelly.

I am sorry that you and your Mom are in this horrid dance.
It must drain you beyond belief.

Hope you can get some self-nurturing in, and a little escape from it all..

Hops

[Certain Hope]

(((((((Kelly)))))))  Sounds like someone has to stop the blaming and it's not likely to be your mom. That's the sort of adult choice that only a mature grown-up can make    Be cool, Kelly... and Amen to giving it to God... He's the only One who can sort this stuff out.

Love,
Hope

[Overcomer]

Well, nmom said, "Maybe we should sell the business......"  so I got on the phone and called a man I know would be interested in buying.  If I can do enough homework, I may be able to get out of there, sell the business and get a little money - maybe to pay off my house or cars and then?  I thought I might wait tables somewhere................I honestly don't care what I do as long as I am able to generate enough cash until my other business gets going..................I can taste the relief in my head!!  Maybe that advise to give it up is starting to work!!!!!  Thanks, Mud!!!

[Certain Hope]

Yeee haaaa.... Kelly     The sweet, sweet taste of freedom from the whims of N !  You know, I'd drive a clunker (and did for awhile, not to mention carrying and paying off all the mutual credit debt on my own) just to be out from under that burden.
Praying with assurance for the very best outcome for you!

Love,
Hope

[Overcomer]

Hope!!  Well, I'm not counting my chickens before they are hatched - that would just be too frustrating because if my nmom thinks for a minute SHE is not in control of the situation, she'll balk.....................so it will probably take a lot of back door tactics to make anything happen...........but I know this man will pay more than the business is worth because he is convinced that our name and our mailing list make us incredibly valuable............and it is more valuable than starting a new store................and he knows it...so we will see.  If it is God's will, then it will happen because even God is more powerful than my nmom!!

[Certain Hope]

Oh, I understand that, Kelly...just hoping that you can get free of your end of the business and then it won't matter how many times she might change her mind... you'll be busy doing you own thing! You know, there are so many different options with debt consolidation, reducing overhead, living more simply... it's worth giving up alot if the stress of that N-relationship goes out the window with the rest of the stuff. You can count on your needs being provided for, always.

Love,
Hope

[Hopalong]

WOW.

Kelly!

You just blasted your way out of a thick hard ostrich eggshell!
The rest is details.

I am feel excited for you. I wish you a steady balance and a SECRET inner glow as you tiptoe through the minefield to your FREEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMM on the other side! You just tripped the one wire that turns on a laser that lights a SAFE PATH for you! A few brambles and bruises will not matter, you've got your eyes on the prize!

Hops

[Overcomer]

I went and searched for this thread.............I had some trauma today so I thought I would continue on.........................earlier I started (and it ended rather quickly) a thread about Alzheimers.  I believe my mom is experiencing the first signs of Alzheimers.  EX:  a friend of ours died a month ago and another friend came into our business last week and I told him I was sorry about the passing of our friend.  My nmom asked what happened to the man?  Well, I told her she was the one who told me he died and that other friend agreed and said they had had some correspondence via email regarding his death...................so that was the first time that something as BIG as a death slipped her mind.  So I sent her an email asking her to go get tested for Alzheimers because I feel like she is becoming more and more forgetful.  She came into my office and basically had to hold herself back from verbally attacking me.  Reason is, she is convinced I am trying to convince her that she has A.  We got into an argument about the bookkeeper again and I asked her if she came into my office to fight?  Last week she seemed geniunely concerned about my kids and was all about me backing off from work and being with them.  Today it was, "how are you going to support yourself?"  Last week it was, "we could still pay you even if you are not here."  And today it is, "we can't sell the business....what would you do?"  She is truly a person who speaks out of both sides of her mouth.  I NEVER know if I can trust where she is going with ANY topic.  She changes her mind (or forgets) daily and then blames me for whatever!!

So me and the bookkeeper are tight.  And she is suspicious of our relationship and thinks we are plotting against her.  Does anyone know about Alzheimer's??  How about Alzheimers and how it makes narcissism all the worse.  I am so afraid that rather than my life getting easier, it will get exceedingly more difficult as her Alzheirmer's progresses.  Are Alzheimers patients suspicious??

[Hopalong]

Gosh, Kelly. I don't know.
It might be partly that she's having age-related dementia, but I read recently that some experts thinnk that all early memory loss is related to the processes of Alzheimer's. (In which case, me too.)

I think this checklist may help you:
http://www.alz.org/AboutAD/Warning.asp

I wonder if her intense reaction might also have been upset at hearing that suggestion in an email? It might have been scary.

Hops

[Overcomer]

Well, she seems to think that I am trying to CONVINCE her that she has A.  She thinks that it is my purpose in life to undermine her and make her look bad.  She's a bit paranoid and I have told her so.  She hates that.  In fact, she hates a lot!!  My aunt says she uses the word hate all the time.  Thanks for the link......I'm going to go there now!

[Overcomer]

Hey Guys:  I know I keep bringing back this thread when a confrontation happens between my nmom and me because it is just a continuation of the same fight and I have to vent.........

So, you may know I am holding my breath about a new job which is my ticket to freedom.  Please God - PLEASE!!  Anyway, so my nmom has this vendetta against the computer - it is too slow and she hates it.  She hates that our sales have gone down at our store.  She hates this person.  She hates that person.  She blames the bookkeeper because the sales have gone down.  I said to her that the sales are down because the price of gas is up.....we are at war......the economy is suffering.....it has nothing to do with the bookkeeper.  So in a rage, I went into the bookkeepers office and totally unloaded on her.  I told her what my nmom had said and she was furious.  She told me if I get this job she is walking right behind me.  And she is not training anyone without charging a consulting fee.  It is insane.  My nmom is so delusional that she actually thinks she and my aunt can run the business.  No way.  Without me, maybe.....but without the bookkeeper?  No way!!  The word hate keeps popping in my mind and I have to pray to God that that bitterness will go away.  I feel bad because I know if me and the bookkeeper leave nmom is in a world of hurt.  Oh yeah, I don't think I said that nmom is totally backpeddling on the selling of the business.  Par for the course.  She's signed up to attend an industry convention in a couple weeks.  Didn't invite me.........not that I want to go........

[isittoolate]

Hiya kell

First of all, what we all hear, we must look after ourselves first.

I started on page one here and realized I was out of date, so hopped forward to see why you posted.

You and your mother are still co-owners? Can she buy you out? The both of you must get away from one another!!! You know the N rule...No Contact!

Mom can advertise for other help if you and the bboookkkeeeppeerr leave! I do bookkeeping and I know if I were hit by a mack truck tomorrow, this non for profit organization would be WILD. I do their website too. So I know what you mean.

If N mom is left on her own, she might just understand that she has to sell!

Whatever hell you are feeling is what you have to avoid to live a comfortable life. N mom causes all your stress?

(I have an UZI here!) <tee hee>

You have to do what you have tp do. before you go insame, like............me?

xxoo
Izzy

[kelly as guest]

"co" is not the correct term......yes, we are co-owners but SHE has to be in charge.  She took over when she had to put money into the business (she has money - I don't....)  Suddenly it was "her" business and she took all the glory etc.  Now, the business sales have gone down and she doesn't take the responsibility for the decline - only for the glory.  So now it is everyone elses fault....

The bookkeeper and I work really well together and we talk all the time.  That is what made the bookkeeper suspect.  It really is my fault because nmom doesn't like or trust me.  She has to be in control.  Will she buy me out?  No.  She has to be in control.  So it is my turn to be in control of MY life and when I get this new job it will give me pleasure to allow her to run the show.   And the bookkeeper is so sick of nmom and aunt that she will walk and they won't know what hit them/.......stupid people!!

Yes, I am PMSing and yes I am pissed!!!!!

[kell as guest]

Please help me.  Need input or just moral support!