It's been a long while since I've been here - trauma so I'm back

[Stormchild]

Go for it, Kell.

That company is going to be the loser, not you. They didn't know a good person when she was looking them right in the face. Or, they DID, and they didn't WANT a good person.

Either way, you are better off without them. Praying for you.

[Gaining Strength]

She has a gift so I am hoping it is some kind of a prophecy and that will happen.

Hold on to that but don't stop interviewing.  That process of searching will be a learning one. - GS

[Dazed1]

Kell,

Good things are starting to happen.  Yaye!!

Keepa goin'!!

Dazed

[Overcomer]

Thanks to all!  So last night I was laying in the dark and kind of obsessing about not getting that job.  I was thinking about calling and point blank asking (in a nice way) why they didn't call me........anyway then I was talking to my husband and was telling him about my frustration and as I was rehashing what they wanted me to do IF I got hired - and that was going out of town for 10 days straight, then home for 4, then to another town for 10 straight days and then home for 4 and then out of town for another 10 straight days and then I was done with training................so in actuality - gone 30 days.........when I heard myself say it out loud I realized that would have been a real hardship on my family (especially for my youngest) and I was actually glad I didn't have to do that..................it was a relief.  Then I also realized that the bottom line was the feeling of rejection.  That hurt.  But since this all happened, I started counting points again and for the last 4 days I have done a good job.  I have been thinking about taking care of ME!!  Trying to eat healthy.  Trying to BE better.

So I have a phone interview with the other company today at 2:30.  We'll see if anything becomes of that!!  But it is ok and I will be ok!!!  Thanks!!

[Gaining Strength]

We'll see if anything becomes of that!!  But it is ok and I will be ok!!!  Thanks!!
Way to go Kelly!!! What an unbelieveable shift you have made!!! That is so significant.  Congratulatoins.

Then I also realized that the bottom line was the feeling of rejection.  That hurt.
I am learning that identifying the source of the emotionally charged experience is the root of healing and you got to it.  I encourage you to dig a little further and identify why rejection is so painful and generates a strong avoidance tendency.  Getting to the root of today's pain helps get to the root of our deepest pain. I really admire you for working hard and looking deeply into this.

[Hopalong]

All right, whoever you are, what did you do with the old Kelly?????

 

Hops

[Overcomer]

"who are you and what have you done with Kelly.......?"  I love that quote!!!

Ok, so here's a new turn of events.  I just got off the phone with the recruiter for this other company.  The interview just didn't go well.  So after I got off the phone I thought, "What the heck!!~  I am going to call the Regional Vice President of the company I want to work for and ask her point blank if they offered the position to someone else."  So I called her and told her I had not heard from the District Manager and so I assumed they had offered the position to someone else.......and with her thick New York accent she said, "NO!  Not to my knowledge.....we have been in meetings all last week and this week the DM is on vacation so give me your number and I'll have my assistant call him and we'll get back with you!!"  Can you believe it?  All this time I have been obsessing and like someone said, they were just living their lives not giving me a second thought!!  Gee Whiz!!  I think I might STILL be in the running!!  Yea!!

[kell as guest]

Guess what?  I just talked to the district manager and I just need to convince the region lady that I can be glam enough.  I was stressing for nothing!

[Hopalong]

Woo-hoo! This you can fix, Kell!

Time to take yourself to a nice store, find a nice saleswoman, and ask her to dress you from head to toe.

Umm, forget the toe. I do not believe in heels or pointy toes, they're for goats, not feet.

Hugs,
Hops

[Dazed1]

Hi kell,

What a rollercoaster ride!!

Just when you decided that you don't want the job, then you find out you're still in the running!

So many ups and downs.

"I was stressing for nothing!"  Kell, I have done this so many times.  When ever I have stressed for nothing, first I suppress the urge to kick myself and then I try to learn the lesson:
Stop creating scenerios in my mind that may have no basis in reality.

I think that sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed or anxious and we try to problem solve, our thoughts start running wild and we think up worse case possibilities, when in reality, we do not know all the facts.

Good luck with the makeover, I want to hear all about it.

dazed

[Overcomer]

You know?  I believe it.  Since I had heard nothing in two weeks I was obsessing about it.  You all knew I was.  My husband knew I was (who by the way ISN"T drinking right now...................................... )  Anyway, I have heard the old adage - no news is good news.  But I just could feel, hear, taste, and everything else - this job.  I was obsessively going through the motions trying to take the sting out of the rejection but my heart was with THIS job.  You can not believe how much guts it took me to pick up the phone knowing full well that she was going to break my heart.......but that would have been some closure and it would have helped me stop obsessing.  I think that is growth.  When I was younger I would have never had the guts to pick up that phone and call!!  So from that point of view it is great!!  But when she said NO, they hadn't filled the position and I heard from him a couple hours later!!  That was great.  And he made it seem like the job was mine!!!!!

[Dazed1]

Kell,

"You can not believe how much guts it took me to pick up the phone knowing full well that she was going to break my heart.......but that would have been some closure and it would have helped me stop obsessing. "  Yes, I can, because I'm the same way!  I really understand.

Good to hear about your hubby.

"And he made it seem like the job was mine!!!!!"   I really, really, really hope you get this job, but, if, for whatever reason, it does not come through, please do not punish yourself.  I truly wish you blue birds, but if you are disappointed, please don't put yourself on the down loop of the rollercoaster.

love,
dazed

[Overcomer]

I know.  If after all this I don't get the job, then it will be really hard to not be VERY disappointed.  But he basically told me he has to come up with a couple more people for the RVP to interview but gave me a heads up on what I should focus on.  Plus he is going to make sure she goes to my store so she can see where I came from.  Also, my mom actually went and met with the guy who is interested in buying our business.  She came up with a promotion packet with some catalogs we send out and an outline of what she sees in our business......I have to admit she did a good job.  Now we will see if he can read the numbers and if he thinks the business is worth what she wants even though it never makes a profit (except the year my nmom stepped away - the year BEFORE we hired my aunt....)  Anyway, I had to thank God for the timing because if they would have offered me the job BEFORE she had her ducks in a row and BEFORE she was ready to present the business to this man, she may have balked and the timing just might not have been right.  As it is, if they offer me the job and I take it, I can go in and say, "Well, you are selling the business so I had to go out and take care of myself."  They are a little concerned that I will feel trapped in a job where I cannot come and go as I please but I told him that working with my nmom is more of a trap than working in a corporation where I am THE boss at the store.  Yes, corporate to set policies, etc. District Managers to make sure I am doing a good job.  But no nmom to scrutinize everything I do and to make sure I feel terrible about myself as well.  No idea I have is a good idea in nmom's view.  I know I will do such a good job with this company that they will constantly tell me so.  It will be like a breath of fresh air to work for someone who validates me, hears me and let's me do what I know how to do!!  So I am so relieved and I feel so stupid for how obsessive compulsive I was acting.  And I know you all know how it is because we as victims of Ns or people who have been raised in dysfunctional families do things like that!!!

[Dazed1]

Kell,

If you don't get the job, it's OK to feel disappointed.  Yes, feel your feelings.  But, please do not punish yourself for feeling disappointed.

Good news about the potential buyer and the timing.

I think you are not only looking forward to this particular job, but the idea of leaving your mom's company and working out in the world.  I bet you are really good at what you do because you have such passion for your work.

"I feel so stupid for how obsessive compulsive I was acting".  Oh kell!  It's OK to feel that you unnecessarily stressed yourself out.  But, try not to berate yourself for being stupid. 

Forgive yourself, understand yourself, be gentle with yourself and try to love yourself.  Think of yourself as a good and loving friend.  If this friend made a mistake by unnecessarily stressing herself out, you wouldn't berate her, call her stupid and make her feel like cr*p, would you?  No, you would have compassion for her and still love and accept her despite her faults.  Treat yourself like you would this friend.

dazed

[Overcomer]

Dazed:  This is something that I am going to work on.  I use the work idiot and stupid way too much.  I said to a friend of mine - you idiot!!  (joking) and he said, "Mr. Idiot to you!!"

You know?  After my phone interview with the Regional Vice President (who was talking about fashion, etc.............) I have started to try to pull my looks together.  I am making sure I always have lipstick on and that my hose don't have runs in them.  I am counting points so I can slowly lose weight (I say slowly because at 47 it comes off so much slower than when I was in my 20s.....)  I went out and bought a Coach purse I had been eyeing.  I want to look good. 

I think this is because I know if I get this job, I will feel so good about myself (and even if I don't......)  I have that light at the end of the tunnel feeling.  I just know that even if I have to work harder and longer, I will feel good about my accomplishments and that will translate into a newer, better Kell!