Lightbulb Moments II - or When you Saw the Truth about Your Healing

[penelope]

This has been something that I've asked my T a few times: how do you know when you're done?  I'm curious, for those who've been through therapy - how long did it take and when did you know you were done?

thanks,
bean

[reallyME]

I'm not real sure what this post is looking for here...how did I know I was finished with therapy?  Needed healing?  So, I'm going to begin my own thread, explaining how I knew I NEEDED help.  It's not to undermine your thread here, however; I just don't want to post my thoughts in the wrong place.

~Laura

[portia guest]

Hi Pb

I haven't done therapy but I've been here since Dec 03....does that count?

When do you know you're through....I imagine it's when you decide that you're finished with the formal part, it's when you feel you don't have any need to see a T?

On the other hand, I do believe we never stop learning stuff about others and ourselves. And i don't think self-awareness happens in a linear way - backsliding happens, events happen that bring up old traumas (and we might find ourslves needing help again to cycle through those old traumas until they have less impact on us).

I might feel fine today, tomorrow I might find I'm back struggling with a mother figure all over again. I think we keep learning the same lessons until we don't need to any more.

Anyway, it's what you think and feel that matters. When you want to stop seeing a T, I guess you will. Knowing yourself in that way I think means you won't want to ask anyone else? I could be wrong.

Take care.

[Hops]

I'll go back if I need to, but I had begun to realize that my T and I had become like two old shoes. We'd often wind up just having an enthusiastic chat about topics we both find interesting, such as psychology and research, because I'd realize I didn't feel anything pressing to work on.

Couple times of that and I just sort of wandered out the last time without making a new appt.

(Plus, if this goes on two years, the ethical guideline, then I'll call him up and ask him out!). He's been an ally and a wise guide off and on for 7 years. And my friend A, who has cancer, asked me who to go to, and he's been a rock of support and help for her, with her Nmother stuff. Did hypnosis sessions with her and taped them so she could listen to them every day just before her surgery, and she and her hubby say it reduced her fear a lot. He's a good T. I've recommended him to several people.

Hops

[Brigid]

Pb,
In my case, I slowly weaned myself off the visits to my T.  I saw him weekly for 2 years.  At that point, I was definitely in a happier place, I had become energized, I could look positively into the future, and I no longer cared a whit about my ex.  We reduced my visits to every other week for a couple of months, then to once per month for a couple more, then my therapist told me I was too happy to be in therapy anymore.  For the last couple of months, my discussions with him became more like friendly visits and there were no longer any "issues" to discuss.

There have been times since then, when I have wished for his wise and wonderful advice and I could certainly schedule a visit if I felt the strong need for his counsel, but most of it is pretty basic "I'm getting older, my last child is going to college and what do I do now" kind of stuff, which can be handled with books or much of the wise advice offered on this site.  Many of my friends are currently in the same boat, so we do have each other for support and advice.

I think my therapist felt safe letting me go once he saw that I had made the choice to become involved with a man, who by all accounts, was a really good guy who was good for me.  I had, for a short time while in therapy, gotten involved with someone who clearly was not a good choice and an indication that I was not ready to move on with my life.  It was only with my T's encouragement, that I ended that relationship because I was not in a place yet where I could see how unhealthy it was.  I was repeating the same patterns of my past.  It was more than a year later before I was ready to find a healthy relationship.

I think determining the end of therapy or how much is enough, is such an individual thing and it can depend on the degree of trauma you suffered, how capable you are of processing the therapy offered and how good a T you have.  Sometimes, you just need to take a break for awhile and process what you have learned so far.  The door will always be open to go back if and when the need presents itself.

Brigid

[penelope]

hi Moon-  thank you.  I was wondering if there were levels of intensity too.  It seems like depending on the type of therapist you go to (gestalt, depth therapist, etc), and whether it is for an hour every other week, or a one week straight "camp," etc, you could have a much different experience..

reallyme - sorry if that wasn't clear.  I meant how did you know you were done healing in therapy (not how did you know to enter in the first place).  That's cool you started a thread for the how to know when to enter, that's important too.

Portia - I was thinking of psychotherapy where you go weekly or every other week or monthly, primarily to a T, but this is therapy too, you're right.   

Its been difficult for me cause we always have to overcome that inertia to get started again every session, where we left off the last time..and I seem to remember better than my T what we were last talking about.  I'm wondering if I would get more value out of say a week-long retreat?  I have been to these too, and they tend to leave you with a "high" as they're good self esteem builders, and good for letting go of past baggage, but seem not to have the lasting effect (went to one at 19, and here I am still).

hops & brigid - thanks.  That's exactly what I was looking for.  The details, the actual number and frequency of sessions.  I guess I'd like to try to gauge how far I am...

pb

[reallyME]

Penelope,

Thank you so much for making your thread's reason clearer to me.  Thank you also for communicating so kindly with me...as I aim to do likewise with you from now on.  PLease know that my heart is never to attack any person.  I realize people here have all been through very traumatic experiences, and I do not want to add further burdens from my viewpoints.

I appreciate you commending me for my thread and not feeling I was taking away from yours.  I really wasn't sure how else to respond, but by asking to understand on your thread, and posing another point on one of my own.  I sure didn't want to offend you, so I'm very glad my choice did not do that.

Blessya,
Laura

[reallyME]

I am really excited about Penelope's thread here.  I feel it's a very sensitive issue and one that can bring hope and courage to others.

Personally, when I was in therapy, the way I knew I was no longer in need of counseling, was when my therapist looked at me and said "I think you will agree with me that you really don't need this anymore, because you are able to figure out the answers to things on your own and to walk them out.  Am I right, Laura?"  Of course, I snickered and smiled and said, "yeah."  She then told me if I ever did need more help, to come back and it would be there for me.  I LOVE some therapists.  Thank You Lord for providing caring people who sometimes even just let us talk to ourselves and are the listening ears we need till we make it to the other side of the dark tunnel!  Amen

~Laura