Author Topic: Community  (Read 2353 times)

DreamSinger

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Community
« on: August 06, 2006, 11:21:07 PM »
Hey everybody. It's been over a year since I last posted, and then only a few times. I've been back every now and then, but didn't post. There's always been this dichotomy within me where I feel drawn to community and then recoil from it. I have gotten better over the years though, and no longer feel like a total outsider in social groups...even volunteered to teach a peace studies class for the homeschool group I belong to. But I still feel this conflict between wanting to belong, but feeling as though my sense of individuality and freedom will be threatened.

Still, my desire for community is growing, so much so that just this past weekend, I visited a cohousing community...and will probably visit again.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello, and step out of the shadows once again, and make another attempt to go from lurker to participator.





Stormchild

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Re: Community
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2006, 11:24:12 PM »
Welcome - back! You were first here before my time; it's nice to meet you :-).
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

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gratitude28

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Re: Community
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2006, 11:28:47 PM »
Hi Dream,
Welcome back!!!!
I get scared about losing my "individuality" sometimes too. But sometimes in a group, we stand out as individuals more clearly. Also, I have found, since rejoining the world (as it were), that you have to give to the community in order to get back from others. And I have felt such a great change in my life since taking stock in other people. Weird how it works. I think when you have love for others, somehow you don't feel so empty.
OK, enough of my rambling. At any rate, welcome back and tell us what is new in your life.
Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

DreamSinger

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Re: Community
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2006, 08:27:45 AM »
Thank you for your greetings  :)

Well, I became a grandmother June of 2005.  :D I *love* being a grandmom, but you know, I was thinking yesterday that we kind of have it backwards. Would have been so nice if we could be grandparents in our twenties and parents in our fifties. That way when you're young, you can take responsibility for a child, but then give it back. Perhaps, after some learning and growing, and experiencing healing if needed, and as children will often bring to our attention, we can then be better prepared to be parents with a few years behind us...just a little wiser, a little more experienced and a little more balanced and whole.

Actually, I have been blessed with a second opportunity to raise a child, as I am an older mom with a soon to be nine year old. My first two, in their 20's, are good people, but to say the mid adolescent years of my oldest daughter into maybe 20 or so, were difficult would be a gross understatement. Lots of sleepless nights, anguish, anger and fear...from both of us. My second older child didn't present as much worry, but I can look back and see very clearly choices I had made that I now wish I hadn't and the impact those choices had on him, the challenges they presented.

It's a continuous learning process of accountability, compassion and forgiveness. I'm much better with accountability than I am with forgiveness.

Anyway, I'm divorced, homeschooling my youngest with an incredible inclusive homeschool support group in my area, writing and singing and exploring what it means to be an older woman to me.

Again, thanks for the welcome. I look forward to participating and hanging around longer this time.

Demian

Brigid

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Re: Community
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2006, 09:17:03 AM »
Welcome back Demian,
I remember your screen name (love it, too), but I'm sorry that I can't remember the circumstances which brought you here.  Anyway, I'm glad you have returned to share your voice and it sounds like life is giving you some things to sing about.

Your comments about grandparenthood were interesting.  I soooo look forward to that, but my kids are only 21 and 18, so I can wait until the time is right for them.  I am certainly old enough to have grandchildren, but I had my kids late so they're still on the younger side (not unlike you with a 9 yo).  I think that because I was in my mid-30's before I became a mom that I was old enough to have the patience, young enough to have the energy, and financially stable enough to be a full-time mom.  Had I become a mother in my early 20's, however, none of that would have been true and I'm sure it would have been a much greater struggle.

Now I am in my mid-50's, dating a wonderful guy who is the same and between us we have 6 young adult children.  We love our kids to death and both look forward to be grandparents some day, but are really enjoying this time with each other without the burden of kids at home to worry about (at least not like you do when they're little).   We also have the added benefit of now having fun with our kids doing more adult-like activities before they are tied down with the responsibilities of marriage and family.

I think that your 50's brings a lot of wisdom that perhaps is better offered (and more likely listened to) by older children.  I wish I'd had the wisdom I do now in my 20's, so as to avoid so many of the mistakes I made.  But that is how we gain much of that wisdom--by making mistakes and hopefully learning from them.  Some of us are just a little slower than others at learning from mistakes.

Glad to see you back.

Brigid 

ANewSheriff

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Re: Community
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2006, 09:24:36 AM »
DreamSinger,

Good for you!!!  Funny how something as simple as posting a note can be such a big step, but it is.  I personally believe that we all have areas that just paralyze us at times.  I have certainly had mine.  Very proud of your courage and willingness to move beyond your "safety zone".  I hope you will continue to share and exercise your voice here on the board. 

ANS 
Change the way you see the world and you will change the world.

pennyplant

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Re: Community
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2006, 01:49:36 PM »
There's always been this dichotomy within me where I feel drawn to community and then recoil from it. I have gotten better over the years though, and no longer feel like a total outsider in social groups...even volunteered to teach a peace studies class for the homeschool group I belong to. But I still feel this conflict between wanting to belong, but feeling as though my sense of individuality and freedom will be threatened.

Still, my desire for community is growing, so much so that just this past weekend, I visited a cohousing community...and will probably visit again.

Hi Demian, It is good to meet you.  I've been here since about February and have made a lot of progress since then.  I also have some difficulties with social issues.  I'm very erratic about participating in groups and then wanting out.  I'm not even so sure I'm ready to work on that part of life yet because I have so much "internal" work to do.  But it's of great interest to me so I will be reading and learning along with you.  I'm glad you brought up this topic.

Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

jordanspeeps

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Re: Community
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2006, 06:29:06 PM »
Hey DreamSinger,

Just wanted to say welcome and hello.  What type of songs do you write?  What type of singer are you?  I do a little songwriting and singing, mostly as part of my therapy, but I've always had a secret dream to be a back-up singer.  I love harmonizing and being creative with jazz and soul music.  I like to "jam" as they say, with a live band and sing sad, soulful songs, alongside or behind stronger singers as I have a somewhat mousy, mezzo soprano.  I'd like to hear more about your musical background.  Do you channel your thoughts, fears, and desires into your songwriting?  Would you be willing to share some of your lyrics with us?  No pressure, just curious.  It's nice to meet you and all the best to you.

Tiffany

Certain Hope

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Re: Community
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2006, 10:22:07 PM »
Hello Demian,

  It is truly a pleasure to "meet" you and ... such an amazing coincidence..... just a few days ago, while doing some online research on relational difficulties,  I discovered some of your music and lyrics. At the time, I thought.. what an amazing woman with such a heart for girls, young and old(er) alike, and such understanding of the struggles women face at all ages. 

  I am also determined to work toward a balance of accountability, compassion, and forgiveness and I am so glad you're here.

Hope

DreamSinger

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Re: Community
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2006, 06:49:10 PM »
Wow, thank you all for such warm welcomes. I had an infuriating phone conversation with my ex, and immediately thought about you all when I hung up the phone. I'm a little better now and will probably do a little venting later, but for now I just had to thank you for such a gracious welcome.

As far as the music, Tiffany, yes, I do use it as a medium to express my thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears, and as part of my healing journey.  It's been a life long journey to reclaim my voice, singing and otherwise, from an abusive childhood. Didn't write my first song until I was 34. Most of my songs reflect this healing journey or are inspired by the human spirit and dreams of others, usually a social cause I may be involved in. It's hard to pinpoint the genre...some songs have a little Asian flavor, one is very Celtic...some sound New Age, others pop. I don't know. I just write what I write.

I admire your ability to harmonize and sing back up in that way. I've always been the front person, but could rarely hear anything other than the main line, and improvising? No way.

But it's different for me now. I'm much more fluid and flexible, and I can do some measure of improvising. I no longer have to rehearse everything to death and have every note exactly in place before I perform. I can hear melodies in my head...before there was nothing, just a huge void...I think the void within that creative space reflected the larger void of my life.

Anyway, it's been a long journey, and I'm singing and writing and speaking now as never before.  Now, finally in my 50's...I turn 51 this November, I feel like I'm coming alive...living a genuine life, or at least, a more genuine life, for the first time.

I'll be glad to share lyrics and such in time. I know it sounds funny, because I perform my songs and in some pretty unusual places, but this place is different. Despite it being a public board, the energy here is very intimate, and when you share here, you share in depth. So singing takes on a new meaning here, because the eyes who read and the ears who hear do so with a greater depth and a greater seeing, than a "normal" audience.  Does that make sense? 

And it is a rather interesting coincidence, isn't it, Hope? Neat that you found my other work shortly before I posted here!  Except I don't believe in coincidence, however, I am delighted with serendipitous events, and it sounds like this might be one of them.   :)

So happy I made my first post (again), and again, to all of you, thank you so much for your warmth and welcomes.


Demian

jordanspeeps

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Re: Community
« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2006, 07:12:00 PM »
Quote
Despite it being a public board, the energy here is very intimate, and when you share here, you share in depth. So singing takes on a new meaning here, because the eyes who read and the ears who hear do so with a greater depth and a greater seeing, than a "normal" audience.  Does that make sense? 

Makes perfect sense! For fun, I do a little life-based fiction, (short stories and novellas) and while it's easier to discuss your life as it happens the way we do here daily, I find it to be quite an exhilirating challenge to present the details of my life via an artistic medium, singing or writing, (especially the sex-related stuff).  Nonetheless, I look forward to experiencing more of your voice(s), lyrically and otherwise.  :)  It's great to meet ya!

Take care

Tiff

pennyplant

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Re: Community
« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2006, 07:33:21 PM »
Hi Demian,

Just visited your website. 
Your music is very beautiful. 
I can't imagine keeping all that inside you all those years.
I suppose we are a particularly intense audience here.
We are probably also especially open to your message.

Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon