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How to heal NPD

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rosencrantz:
PS The Redwall author had a stroke last year but is still writing - Loamhedge is the latest title out over here!!!  Hey, adults read him, too!!!

Matthias43:
You're right Rosencrantz... my normal name is Matt, or Mateo/Matty as my friends call me. I was actually wondering about your name - our teacher made us read Stoppard's play this year, and it was actually pretty clever and witty. However, I'm thinking that you must be quite a bit smarter than your namesake (hope so at least! ;-))

Ros, you are quite right about the wanting to change issue - that's key, and it stops most disordered ppl right at the start. There's nothing I can argue against it really... it's just a shame that that's the way it is. I have a lot of personal experience with this - my dad is a perfect example of what you were talking about.

And Bunny, I still haven't gotten anything out of you. You're a crafty little rabbit. ;-) I'm still wondering where you're coming from with all of this.

Gotta go now... take care,

Matt

Anonymous:
my husband told me last night that he has thought about all I have said and we talked about and he actually doesn't want to change, he's happy as he is.
He has modified a lot his behaviour and he's a better parent than many none-ns I know.
But is it enough for me for the rest of my life? I don't know, and I don't know if I am the kind of person to see other men or make a whole life outside the marriage though h gave me the goahead for this as well, said he understands but wants to raise children together and happy with platonic relationship.
He can't do intimacy.
Any way around this Matthias or anyone else?

Anonymous:
Seeker, appreciate the message and glad you're cool about me not answering your questions. Did what I should have done in the first place after my cage got rattled by bunny saying the unethical bit.
No offence intended bunny but this has bothered me. I surfed last night and went into a few different psych associations code of ethics pages. I agree with you this is a serious aspect and and it wasn't something I'd ever thought about before. I was just glad to be getting help, any help, from this psyche and was so grateful when he agreed. Then the last few days questioning myself have been awful, like am I not seeing improvement really, or do I just want to, is the fellow ethical, if he's not ethical why would he agree to see my N, what are his motives but my worste nightmare was if he is good at this area and he can help and if it is unethical then really I should do the right thing for everybody, my family especially and bow out of the relationship with his wife to keep it all above board till therapy is over which could take years or forever or as long as the guy lives. And then in my heart I got resentful at N because my head went straight to him costing me another relationship that I value. I already did a self check on why I strongly felt I had to consider such a drastic option like lose her friendship. It was simple really, how could I be objective about the results or improvments in N whenever the relationship with her is so important. How could I say if ever asked by him again am I seeing any change, how can I say no and risk offending him and my friend. Swirl swirl swirl goes the brain. My family is more important so I decided if this step needed to be taken, so be it, to retain my objectivity. Then dumbo here got a brain between your last post and now and I checked out the code of ethics here and other places and between the differnet psyche associations. And it was such a relief, I'm so glad I did. And I didn't need to risk offending the psyche or my friend. It's all been internal between me and this board and net surfing thank God. But here's what I learned. You go to one association and their members are clearly instructed to refrain from treating anybody who they have a primary relationship with such as an employee, family member, relative, close friend, or coworker. Then other associations are tighter and say their members have to refrain from treating anyone who they are in a primary or secondary or relationship with. These are much tighter restricions and forbid  their members from treating anyone who their family, employee, spouse, close friend coworker are in close relationship with either. They specify close friendship. My friend the psyche's wife isn't even in friendship with my husband let alone a close friendship. This was about as tight as its got so far but I'm still looking. No mention of tertiary relationships so far in any of the sites I've searched. I don't quite get why the differences, and why there's no universal code.  The one that my psyche is a member of is like the first one, a lot looser only mentions primary and close secondary. Like for example, the psyche couldn't treat me. I'm a close friend of his spouse so I'm definitely a secondary. So anyway where was I, that's good for me from the point of view that I feel I can go back to not worrying about unhealthy motives from the psyche at least at the moment. And I can also understand why bunny was firm because the association code of ethics seem to vary on this point. And it's a global village in this board so depending on where I come from determines the code I'm under. When I've got time on Fiday I'm going to ring our association and confirm this is the case by presenting ahypothetical and see what they say. I need to check that I'm not misreading and misinterpreting the code out of wishful thinking. The other thing that bothered about the whole ethics thing is that he volunteers 4 hours every Tuesday night a week to a local uniting churchs community cottage, seeing people from the church, his church that he goes to for free. Mainly teenagers but also adults. That bugged me because he goes to church with these people and its a normal church. So I hope this leads to it all being okay, but if I find otherwise I think I'll just explain to them that while he's in therapy I need to be objective and stay out of the picture. I think they'd understand. Hey if nothing else I'll find out how treatable my N. And the sooner I know the better. Thanks again to you Seeker.


Guest.

Anonymous:
anonymous.

I am ***NOT*** saying that this psychiatrist IS AN UNETHICAL PERSON. I'm saying that being friends with his client's spouse is unethical. In THIS AREA he is crossing professional and ethical boundaries. IT IS HIS CHOICE. You don't have to end a friendship. HE should refer your husband elsewhere, OR HE CAN KEEP TAKING THIS RISK TO HIS CAREER. IT IS HIS ETHICAL DILEMMA NOT YOURS. I hope you can hear me.

bunny

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