Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How to heal NPD
Matthias43:
Rosencrantz, yes I know Redwall very well. Used to love it when I was in my early teens not so long ago. My family is English, but we live here in America for the time being.
Bunny, still hiding in your burrow I see? Sorry, I couldn't resist... because I'm still wondering whether you have your own issues or you have an N in your family, or what else would cause you to think/write the way that you do. And I still disagree very strongly with you when you say that healing is not possible. That is a dark and hopeless thing to say really, and I wonder what it is inside you that makes you view another person like that.
Matt
Anonymous:
Matt,
I will always speak out against the bad idea of giving people false hope about their parents and spouses who are PERSONALITY DISORDERED. I think it is irresponsible to come on a board of N-survivors and tell them to read the writings of a group of "healed" narcissists. If you want to insult me, go ahead. It only makes you look bad.
bunny
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---The friendship I have is I suppose primarily with his wife, so maybe I need to discuss this with them. It's a bit tricky, having zero to do with him I mean. His wife and I became friends a few years ago volunteering our time for the same organisation and now have a lot to do with each other.
--- End quote ---
This psychiatrist has already justified the friendship to himself. So he will only reassure you that it's okay. As I said, he is the one crossing boundaries. You don't have to do anything.
bunny
seeker:
Dear Guest,
I'm glad to hear that you are responding positively to the awareness that relationships with therapist friends can be delicate. My post was simply there to agree with Bunny's position and state a few reasons why. My questions were also included not so much as to demand a direct response from you but to encourage reflection on why such an ethics rule might be required. I'll try to be more explicit next time.
As for the rest, this is a public forum. We have discussions so all can learn. Any moves to exclusivity or specialness or qualifications to participate are limited to "have you been damaged by a narcissist?" I can answer yes. My pain and story have been expressed in other threads, so I won't take the space here.
Guest, if I put myself in your shoes and had to read responses that challenged me directly, I would feel uncomfortable. It's what any of us do with that discomfort that reveals a little bit about our character. Just knowing that fact can make us all a little jumpy. We're all here to learn how to ask the questions of "what am I feeling right now?" "What just made me feel that way?" "What are the different responses I could have for feeling this way?" etc etc. Self-reflection in other words.
I can also understand why the tone of some previous posts might alienate some, esp. newcomers. And some newcomers seem to not be aware of the tone that comes across in their own posts. I say this not to provoke you, Guest, but to turn your attention back to your own style of communication (as Rosencrantz has). Portia is aware of her tone and has admitted to it in other threads, sometimes with hilarious results. The board held up a similar mirror regarding tone to Matthias on this very thread, with good results I think. (Thanks for hanging in there Matthias.) So... once all the swords and crowns are checked at the door we can be a pretty nice bunch and ask some pretty good questions.
I'm glad you & Bunny spoke up because the quality of therapist/patient relationships is really important. I hope we can all try to be receptive to all posters with all the various and wonderful voices they have and the point they have to make.
Peace, Seeker
rosencrantz:
What's in a name - quite a lot. Matt - your name bothered me a lot when you first turned up (something biblical, evangelistical, apocalyptical!). But when I realised your age - well, there's only one Matthias and he's a hero!!! My son took to reading very late but when he met Redwall, he was smitten and never looked back!!! I have much to thank Redwall for.
Matt (if I may call you Matt) - people who can see the narcissism in themselves just have 'unhealthy' narcissism which they can work on and change. No doubt about it. But people who have the full blown personality disorder are too damaged to WANT to change (unless they have terrible and repeated crises which make them feel that the alternative is worse).
But usually there's only a short window of opportunity, and they need to be in the right place at the right time with the right support right there in place. Even so, they usually give up on treatment as soon as they start to feel better (and they feel better very quickly as a result of getting the attention of a therapist or group).
It's the WANTING to change that's the issue. And the way they deal with things doesn't actually cause them pain (it just causes pain to the people around them) so why should they want to??? If you're living in hope of a parent making changes, then you will waste a lot of your life being disappointed and feeling betrayed. If you're wondering if you can change, yes you can!
But read 'Controlling People' for one person who seems to be making headway with some N spouses. And try Children of the Self-Absorbed if you are trying to get a handle on an Nparent.
Take care
R
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