Hi Moon,
I just can't do it. I am agnostic. Sometimes I wish I weren't but the most sacred thing I can say is "I don't know." When I am in a happy space (not very right now, too much death around and my D is absent from me)...anyway, when I am happy, I truly do experience my agnosticism as a position of faith. Sounds backward, but that's my inability to find better words. IOW (hm), for me, thinking about what I sensed "god" meant as a little girl...I feel so much awe and holiness about the mystery...that I can't name it. I won't accept that one book holds it all and I can't fit it inside the phrases.
So, that's where I am. Sometimes I wish I could float back to the "easy parts". The gentle, meek and mild.
I do remember complete faith, a trusting ability to pray and then feel peace, as a tiny girl. I miss it. But I have never been able to will it back. (I do pray. I just have no idea who or what I'm talking to.)
I loved J dearly as a child and believe it would be good to read him again, but I do not believe Jesus was divine, or rose from the dead. Because if I accept that, then I have to accept all the rest...the converting and the threats to the unconverted. It seems dishonorable to pretend that this side of things doesn't stop me.
Today, in this world at war, I associate religion more with cruelty than with love.
But the same moon shines on us all.
And I am not atheist. I will never be. I think I am growing a very small sprout of faith, but it's not what I was raised to believe. So it feels kind of naked.
Night-night, dear Moon.
I can just see you and DH and little Moonlet dancing in the rain.
Hops