Lost My Job and Doubting Myself

[penelope]

hi bones,

As I was thinking about you, I realized that even though I've never been let go from a job, I've certainly left many that didn't "feel" right to me.  And this may have been just as tramautic as what you are currently experiencing, as it triggered all the same feelings of doubt, lack of self-worth, panic, anxiety, etc.  I also realized that I'm stilll holding onto some of that anxiety/anger from a few previous managers/jobs that were especially unpleasent (as I wrote an email to one previous employer who was particularly abusive to me, this morning and even sent it!!!  we'll see if he responds)...anyway, I don't suggest actually sending emails/letters at this time, especially if the feelings are new/raw (I worked with this guy over 3 years ago, so the email I sent wasn't too bad, but it did place the old feelings square back onto the guy who initially created/exacerbated them).  You can, however, write to yourself.  If your computer goes down again, just use pencil and paper.  This link had some good suggestions for writing about your despair and why it may help:


http://www.deed.state.mn.us/cjs/cjsbook/transition2.htm


Write a Letter

If you're uncomfortable expressing your feelings, write them down. Write a letter to your former boss, telling her/him exactly how you're feeling. Write down how you're feeling about starting to look for work and the changes it has brought. Don't worry about the content or structure of the letter, because you aren't going to send it. Writing it down may release some anger you might be experiencing. This will help restore the feeling that you're in control of your life. After you've written the letter, read it aloud and then dispose of it. You could rip it up into small pieces and then burn it. You could wad it up into a ball, bat it around outside and throw it in the trash. Just do something to get rid of it. A recent study found that people who write about their anger get another job faster than those who don't.

[Bones]

Oh dear, Bones.

I'm so sorry all this is happening to you... ((((((((((Bones))))))))))

Thanks, Stormchild.

[Bones]

And I can't shut off the old nasty tapes playing in my head.



Bones - don't try to shut it off, replace those tapes with something you need.  Wayne Dyer says this, "Catch yourself in the moment you are thinking about what's missing.  Then shift ...to what I absolutely intend to manifest and attract into my life." 

Dr. Daniel Amen calls it ANTs, (automatic negative thoughts.)  He says - 1) Realize your thoughts are real and they cause your brain to release chemicals. 2) Notice how thoughts affect your body. 3)Notice how positive thoughts affect your body. [skip 4] 5)Think of bad thoughts as pollution. 6)Understand that your automatic thought don't always tell the truth. 7) Talk back to ANTs. Exterminate the ANTs.

Remember Bones you ave been hit by a Mac truck.  You are going to have to learn to walk all over again.  It will not happen overnight but don't give up just because it will take time.  Exterminating ANTs will take time but we are talking FREEDOM here.  True FREEDOM.  Your mind has been poisoned and slowly and painstakingly your are going to eradicate that poison. 

About not sleeping.  That is a crisis!.  You must get sleep.  Call a doctor and get a presciption or get something from a health food store.  Take warm baths - at least waist deep.  Warm water on the kidneys helps release something that helps with sleep.  Play soothing music!.  Drink warm milk - again some specific chemical is eleased in the warm milk that aids sleep.  This is so very important that you reclaim your sleep!!

I'm walking with you.  You are in my thoughts.  When you electricity comes back on let us hear how your area has sustained the strom.

Yours - Gaining Strength.
   

Thanks, Gaining Strength.

Since I am a recovering addict, I have to be careful what I take to help me sleep.  As for the nasty tapes in my head, I do recognize where they originated....my Nmother and Nbrother...who repeated everyday that I was nothing but a worthless, retarded whore who belonged in a mental institution.  I was told this since I was only four years old!  Intellectually, I know I am not mentally retarded because I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Bachelor's degree and I'm in the process of completing my Master's degree.  Yet, emotionally, I still feel like I have to earn and prove that I am a worthy human being and was NEVER a whore!

Bones

[Bones]

hi bones,

how are you doing?  What's the hurricane damage like in your area?  thinking of you.......

pb

The electricity has been going NUTS here!  Goes off, comes on, goes off, comes on, repeat cycle.  I'm tired of that too!

Bones

[Bones]

hi bones,

As I was thinking about you, I realized that even though I've never been let go from a job, I've certainly left many that didn't "feel" right to me.  And this may have been just as tramautic as what you are currently experiencing, as it triggered all the same feelings of doubt, lack of self-worth, panic, anxiety, etc.  I also realized that I'm stilll holding onto some of that anxiety/anger from a few previous managers/jobs that were especially unpleasent (as I wrote an email to one previous employer who was particularly abusive to me, this morning and even sent it!!!  we'll see if he responds)...anyway, I don't suggest actually sending emails/letters at this time, especially if the feelings are new/raw (I worked with this guy over 3 years ago, so the email I sent wasn't too bad, but it did place the old feelings square back onto the guy who initially created/exacerbated them).  You can, however, write to yourself.  If your computer goes down again, just use pencil and paper.  This link had some good suggestions for writing about your despair and why it may help:


http://www.deed.state.mn.us/cjs/cjsbook/transition2.htm


Write a Letter

If you're uncomfortable expressing your feelings, write them down. Write a letter to your former boss, telling her/him exactly how you're feeling. Write down how you're feeling about starting to look for work and the changes it has brought. Don't worry about the content or structure of the letter, because you aren't going to send it. Writing it down may release some anger you might be experiencing. This will help restore the feeling that you're in control of your life. After you've written the letter, read it aloud and then dispose of it. You could rip it up into small pieces and then burn it. You could wad it up into a ball, bat it around outside and throw it in the trash. Just do something to get rid of it. A recent study found that people who write about their anger get another job faster than those who don't.

Thanks, Penelope!

That's a good suggestion.

Bones

[OR]

Bones, those old bones are dead and dried are they?

Shake off the dust, know there is a plan, that plan has you as the star!!!

You have the education that's a big one, you have another job waiting and must move in that direction.
Expect great things to happen, not what is lost. If you believe there is a plan for your life things happen days years and years in advance.
Keep your head high believe something better is around the corner waiting for you to take the "STARS CHAIR"

You will need to be positive and dig deep inside for the energy to keep moving along.
Get rest, go to the gym don't sit and think about any negative things.


Sorry, hang in there    OR

[Gaining Strength]

Shake off the dust, know there is a plan, that plan has you as the star!!!


Keep your head high believe something better is around the corner waiting for you to take the "STARS CHAIR"

You will need to be positive and dig deep inside for the energy to keep moving along.

Thanks OR - that is great advice for Bones, me and really for anyone.  I love hearing those words and am going to shape them into an affirmation to exterminate my ANTs (automatic negative thoughts.)

-Gaining Strength

[Hopalong]

Hi Bones,

Really strong chamomile tea, and lavender essential oil under your pillows and in your bath.
Saint Saens Organ Symphony for perspective.

Hops

[Stormchild]

Bones, I wanted to speak to your feelings of desperation and hopelessness. I've felt that way. Many times. I don't know if it will help you, but here is what worked for me: stubbornness, and the realization that if I gave up, the no-goodniks won. I just refused to let the no-goodniks win. Not at my expense, not that way.

Again, I don't know if this will help you at all, but consider... even the simple act of continuing to draw breath is a form of defiance, a gesture at Fate, at a time like this... even the simple act of getting a good night's sleep. Of waking tomorrow and having a cup of coffee [or herbal tea] out on the porch in the sun.
Of holding your boyfriend close.

You've given a lot here. You have a lot that is worthwhile to give, and you deserve to receive a lot of good things too. This setback could be a turning point. But it's too soon to try to make anything be or happen now... be good to yourself, and remember: merely continuing to be - here, as yourself - IS an accomplishment. Nobody else but you can do that. Nobody else but you.

[Certain Hope]

Dear Bones,

  Still in your corner here and the words that come to mind are.... "Arise, shine, for your Light has come..."

  More hugs, too.

With love,
Hope

[Certain Hope]

Ahhh Jac!  God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!

Love, Hope

[Gaining Strength]

Jac -

What an astonishing story!  At what point did you turn your focus from the horror of what happened to you to look for the opening door? How did you psychologically get from jail and false accusal to the open door?

That is an inspiration.  Thank you for sharing.

Gaining Strength

[Bones]

Bones, those old bones are dead and dried are they?

Shake off the dust, know there is a plan, that plan has you as the star!!!

You have the education that's a big one, you have another job waiting and must move in that direction.
Expect great things to happen, not what is lost. If you believe there is a plan for your life things happen days years and years in advance.
Keep your head high believe something better is around the corner waiting for you to take the "STARS CHAIR"

You will need to be positive and dig deep inside for the energy to keep moving along.
Get rest, go to the gym don't sit and think about any negative things.


Sorry, hang in there    OR

Thanks, OR

Bones

[Bones]

Hi Bones,

Really strong chamomile tea, and lavender essential oil under your pillows and in your bath.
Saint Saens Organ Symphony for perspective.

Hops

Thanks, Hops.

Bones

[Bones]

Bones, I wanted to speak to your feelings of desperation and hopelessness. I've felt that way. Many times. I don't know if it will help you, but here is what worked for me: stubbornness, and the realization that if I gave up, the no-goodniks won. I just refused to let the no-goodniks win. Not at my expense, not that way.

Again, I don't know if this will help you at all, but consider... even the simple act of continuing to draw breath is a form of defiance, a gesture at Fate, at a time like this... even the simple act of getting a good night's sleep. Of waking tomorrow and having a cup of coffee [or herbal tea] out on the porch in the sun.
Of holding your boyfriend close.

You've given a lot here. You have a lot that is worthwhile to give, and you deserve to receive a lot of good things too. This setback could be a turning point. But it's too soon to try to make anything be or happen now... be good to yourself, and remember: merely continuing to be - here, as yourself - IS an accomplishment. Nobody else but you can do that. Nobody else but you.

Thanks, Stormchild.

I have been trying to sleep and keep waking up with nightmares.  This morning's nightmare had me dreaming that I had been called back to work only to be confronted, as soon as I walked in the door, with "We've changed our minds and have decided to have you arrested for trespassing."  I gave up trying to sleep after that nightmare.

Bones