Lost My Job and Doubting Myself

[Gaining Strength]

That's tough stuff bones. 

I think you are in a very important place of understanding.  You don't have to make any decisions right now but you are in the midst of growing and beginning to open up your wounds to expose them to the healing air.  If he is not able or not willing then you will grow past him.  It is dangerous but enticing to find comfort in a relationship that temporarily provides balm for those old wounds but unless you are both able to work to heal them then they fester and worsen often leading to a caustic relationship ratheer than soothing one.  But then he may be willing and able to heal and is simply on a different timeline.

Keep moving forward.  Try to offer him comfort rather than demands.  Give to him the understanding that you need and it will come back to you (though perhaps not from him).  Try to move in kindness and all the things you need for healing.  When you get the new job you will feel like you are on firmer ground.  That will be a better place to begin to make changes from.  your friend - Gaining Strength

[Bones]

I am trying the best I can in being patient for the past six-plus years.  I've come to realize that if nothing changes, nothing changes.  We have been discussing issues since our first date so it's nothing new for us.

Bones

[Bones]

Even though I have been working at the part-time temporary job for a little less than a month, I've just discovered a possible problem which is a potential repeat from my last job.

To give a little bit of background:  When I was hired at my last job, the executive director told me that my rate of pay would be $11.00 an hour.  However, when I received my first paycheck, I discovered that the rate was knocked down to $10.00 an hour.  When this was questioned, the response was "We do this to everyone!"  Fast forward to the interview for the current part-time temporary job...I was informed that my rate of pay would be $11.00 an hour, which was why I accepted the job in the first place...believing it would be paying more than the last one.  Then I got my paystub and, again, the rate was knocked down to $10.00 an hour!    

I do not want a rerun of my last job ESPECIALLY given that this job has me driving all over the county without being reimbursed for the mileage.  No job is worth it if it is going to put me financially deeper in the hole!

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

Bones - did you get the $11/hour offer in writing?  Whether you did or not you definitely need to go to the person who offered you $11 and find out what is going on.  Approach is assertively and tell them that a mistake has been made in your rate of pay and ask what needs to be done to correct it.  Be assertive and nice as though you have discovered a mistake that they will be glad to correct.

About your mileage - definitely keep track for your taxes.  You can make up in part for the lack of reimbursement through your taxes.  Hang in there.  I am so sorry this has happened again. - GS

[Bones]

Bones - did you get the $11/hour offer in writing?  Whether you did or not you definitely need to go to the person who offered you $11 and find out what is going on.  Approach is assertively and tell them that a mistake has been made in your rate of pay and ask what needs to be done to correct it.  Be assertive and nice as though you have discovered a mistake that they will be glad to correct.

About your mileage - definitely keep track for your taxes.  You can make up in part for the lack of reimbursement through your taxes.  Hang in there.  I am so sorry this has happened again. - GS

Unfortunately, the person who told me that my pay rate would be $11 an hour no longer works there.  Apparently, her other job told her that working for pay for this organization presented a conflict of interest so she gave up working for this organization.  I've sent an e-mail to the Executive Director and Deputy Director using the approach that a mistake has been made and asking how it can be corrected.  At this point, I have not received ANY response.

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

OK.  Give them a day and then it is time to follow up with a phone call.  People often tend to avoid dealing with a problem if they can get it to "go away".  So  don't let it go away.  One way to help strategize solving a problem like this is to put yourself in the shoes of those you need to help you.  If you were the ED or Dpty Dir you would probably hope the problem would go away.  If you find the new employee persistent but positive you might find extra incentive to keep her because you need more people when her attitude - persistent but pleasant, assertive but polite.

I am trying the best I can in being patient for the past six-plus years.  I've come to realize that if nothing changes, nothing changes.  We have been discussing issues since our first date so it's nothing new for us.

I wonder if you are approaching the time to be assertive about your relationship.  Are you ready to consider cutting him loose?  Do you believe that you deserve someone who will meet your needs and communicate with you?  I know it is difficult to make changes when everything else is askew but you are clearly moving in a direction where you are going to demand better things for yourself.  you are becoming more assertive and you will be healthier and happier for it.

your friend - gaining strength

[Bones]

OK.  Give them a day and then it is time to follow up with a phone call.  People often tend to avoid dealing with a problem if they can get it to "go away".  So  don't let it go away.  One way to help strategize solving a problem like this is to put yourself in the shoes of those you need to help you.  If you were the ED or Dpty Dir you would probably hope the problem would go away.  If you find the new employee persistent but positive you might find extra incentive to keep her because you need more people when her attitude - persistent but pleasant, assertive but polite.

I am trying the best I can in being patient for the past six-plus years.  I've come to realize that if nothing changes, nothing changes.  We have been discussing issues since our first date so it's nothing new for us.

I wonder if you are approaching the time to be assertive about your relationship.  Are you ready to consider cutting him loose?  Do you believe that you deserve someone who will meet your needs and communicate with you?  I know it is difficult to make changes when everything else is askew but you are clearly moving in a direction where you are going to demand better things for yourself.  you are becoming more assertive and you will be healthier and happier for it.

your friend - gaining strength

Thanks, GS!

I have to admit that he's trying.  He may be clumsy, and yet he's trying.  He just surprised me with a late Christmas gift of something I've always wanted...a hydroponic countertop garden.  He's also being supportive regarding the difficult job situation as he understands how I feel given what he watched the last job do to me.

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

Sounds like you are getting some understanding and validation from him.  I'm glad.  We all really need that don't we? - your friend - Gaining Strength

[Bones]

Sounds like you are getting some understanding and validation from him.  I'm glad.  We all really need that don't we? - your friend - Gaining Strength

Thanks, GS!  In the meantime, I'm trying to deal with this part-time job situation one day at a time.

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

You have been very patient.  It is definitely time you had something open up for you.  My hopes are with you. - Gaining Strength

[Bones]

You have been very patient.  It is definitely time you had something open up for you.  My hopes are with you. - Gaining Strength

Thanks, GS.

I'm also still working on obtaining the reference letters for the research position at the medical school.  That still looks like a fascinating job to me.

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

My fingers are crossed for you.  Remember this time to get your offer in writing.  And a good offer it will be too!! - GS

[Bones]

My fingers are crossed for you.  Remember this time to get your offer in writing.  And a good offer it will be too!! - GS

I'll double-check the medical school's website as I think it might mention the rate of pay there.

Bones

[Bones]

Got a nibble from another possible employer.  Both this possibility and the other possibility have similar pay rates stated in black and white.  The medical school job would be part time, which would help at this moment since I am currently attending graduate school full time.  I've asked the other possible employer if they are willing to consider part-time work from a full-time graduate student who is taking the final two courses required by the state.  I'll probably hear something from this second possibility by Tuesday.

Bones

[Bones]

Just checking in. 

The second possibility was going to schedule an interview with me this week.  Unfortunately, I came down with a contagious stomach virus and that cancelled any and all outings for the time being.  It looks like the second possibility is going to have to be a wash.

Bones