Hi Tavia, and welcome!
There is a cherished belief that if you think you might be narcissistic, that means you cannot be, because a true narcissist would never raise the question.
I have known several true narcissists who not only raised the question, but actually used the issue defensively. This is what Eric Berne called the game of "Wooden Leg": as in: "Well, I'm an X. What do you expect from someone who is an X? Of course I behave abominably. I'm
entitled to."
Vaknin comes to mind; and others, including a woman I worked with who was utterly infantile in her demonstrations and demands, and when confronted would burst into tears and claim that because of her lousy awful childhood, she was so damaged that nobody had the right to expect better from her.
Hogwash.
Why I am saying this is
not to say that you are a narcissist. Rather, to say that all of us are narcissistic to some extent. Every human being. There's a healthy level of self-protective narcissism that we each need. So we are all narcissists, to some degree, in some times and places, and many of us are indeed aware of the fact! Thinking you might be one, in spots, doesn't mean you aren't, in exactly those spots, in other words.
After all, we also want to believe that it is possible to recover from narcissism, and nobody can recover from any problem or condition if they're unable to comprehend or admit that they have it.
That being said - it's entirely possible that you have some spots that you'll want to change and some spots that are actually beneficial to you, once you get a clear look at them. It isn't clearcut black and white - there are lots of grey tones to this. Which makes it a challenge but also makes it interesting.
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In my opinion - to truly love yourself requires the ability to accept yourself as you are right now.
This doesn't mean blind approval of everything. It means you sit and look at yourself without fear, without excuses, without evasion, and you see what's there, both good and not so good, and you accept that all of these things are part of who you are... and you do your level best to make peace with that, before you try to do anything else. [In the 12 Steps this is the 'searching and fearless moral inventory' part. It's there for a reason.]
You can't change what you don't really understand, and you can't really understand what you haven't faced. Since you describe yourself with the b-word, I'm guessing that you think you may have behaved abusively towards people in the past, and are now beginning to recognize it. I could be wrong, I have been before, wouldn't be the first time. But assuming that's where you are, this is certainly something that can be changed. People change this part of themselves every day. A lot of them get help, but help is available. There are anger management classes, and counseling options for people who want to learn better ways of expressing dissatisfaction to their spouse or partner...
here is a web site for people of all ages, very rich in information and not at all judgmental!
http://www.angriesout.com/here's a list of resources - not restricted to anger management, it just starts there
http://www.heartsandminds.org/self/links/angermanagement.htm the reason I'm offering these links is simple. People who have studied this area have found that as a person learns better ways to deal with the things that 'set them off', they also come to a much better understanding of themselves, and they're able to accept who they are and who they were - because they are in the process of making positive changes. This is a really effective way to work on your ability to love yourself.
Who would have thought it? But it works.
I hope this helps, I hope you find good things at these links that will encourage you. The biggest factor is to be honest with yourself about yourself. When you're doing that, you're making progress always.
Hugs and best wishes!
