N father

[pennyplant]

I wondered if he would have power over your future.  Then I guess there is nothing left but to get through it.  I hope he gets his someday.

PP

[Plucky]

Hi Hoppy,
It is so appropriate that this is on the N father thread, don't you think!   That evil boss is like a big bad daddy holding the whip over your head to extract the last drop of your energy before kicking you to the waste heap.  Is that how it feels?

If you are in the US, don't companies shy away from giving bad references?  Doesn't your work speak for itself?  Is there anyone else who will speak up for you?

Are you giving this oppressor more power than he has?  Are you making it easier for him?  Why don't you try to be a bad slave for once, and hit the master back!    Slow down!  Set the plantation on fire!   

Can you get the reference letter right now and then slack off completely?  Can you sabotage the work so he at least has a week of pure hell way after you're gone?  Can you just think of some way to strike back!  Please! 
Plucky 

[Gaining Strength]

Hops

I wish jacmac would weigh in here.  She has such a good sense about how to deal with abusive superiors - and yours is abusive.  You can't work when you are in extreme pain.  His demands do not negate your needs.   

I hold you dear in my heart during this trial.  Your Dear Friend - Gaining Strength

[Gaining Strength]

How nice of you to come jacmac.  It feels so comforting to say, "I wish jacmac were here" and then you appear.  I'm tired - emotionally drained but hope is growing.  Going to sleep.  Hate to close the door on my dear, dear new friends.  I am so thankful - what an incredible miracle to find you wonderful people.  This is how I know life will be ok.  You are all proof of that.  Hope to see you all tomorrow.  My dreams and prayers are with each and every one of us.

Much love,  Gaining Strength.

[gratitude28]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hops))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I so empathise. All of my bosses before this one were like something out of "Cable Guy." And I had this stupid loyalty and fear of shirking what I thought was being responsible. Take care of yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get to the other side... Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Plucky,
You nailed it...how it feels. It's 4 a.m. and I'm feeling some relief because I just completed the current task (my back's better after 2 days in bed). The obstacle to blowing off his reference is that I work for a state institution so all reference procedures are written and formalized and everyone has them. But I'll be okay. He seems to have a guilty-conscience channel along with the others, or maybe it's an N thing, but he may make some kindly gestures as he boots me out. I have done excellent work and he knows that. And I will survive this!

Jac,
Thanks for the faith and the wonderful imagery! I will mentally send him a fired-up Jac to tell him off, that's a delightful thought...and I appreciate your infusion of faith, too. (It is contagious to me even if our vocabulary for it's different.) I really appreciate it.

GS,
Thanks for fetching Jac to help...and very sweet dreams to you.

Night (morning!), and gratefulness...
Hops

[Plucky]

Hoppy,
you are impossible!   Don't you have a mean bone in your whole body?  Don't you have a wellspring of anger to tap into?  Can't you just be bad, a little bit, for once?
Plucky

[Hopalong]

(I forgot to thank you too, Beth, for your loving support. Sorry, I was nodding off!)

Pllucky, it might be genetic.  My Dad was a deeply good-natured person. I'm nowhere near as nice as he is, but he was my model for feeling. He was affectionate, funny, modest, self-effacing, brilliant, loyal, gentle. (And a little OCD-ish when there were tensions in the family. He loved to cook but would dice things into perfect cubes. He was a cartographer, so precision was everything!)

I do feel anger now and then but more often some sub-anger, such as resentment (like of boss) or envy (I was jealous of my D's fancy car). When I feel real outrage it's really my gut response to sexism, racism, homopobia, those kinds of things. Not the "ism" but the behaviors (most of which I think are emotional abuse). All the put-downs and second-class messages I was raised with and that the culture is steeped in...aimed at so many people. I HEAR them. I always notice. Those things do make me feel angry.

But with individuals, I can't keep anger for long. I'm not constructed for grudges. They're very tiring. I think to stay mad takes a great deal of energy and I'd just rather be friendly.

((((((((Plucky))))))))) you make me feel very appreciated.

Hops