I found this information and thought someone besides me might find it useful:
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewarticle.asp?AuthorID=8771&id=7085Overcoming Toxic Shame
By Tova Gabrielle Toxic shame tells us "we're going to fail to reach our goals in life". It begets more shame, causing "paralysis, faltering energy, escapism, withdrawal, including people-pleasing and hiding behind a mask, perfectionism, criticism, and rage."
Shaming begun in early childhood causes a sense of emotional starvation and neediness which demands to be fed. It inappropriately and greedily, gorges on stolen attention. Healthy shame allows recovering people to focus on age appropriate tasks. These tasks, including working and relating in new ways can replace a pervading sense of failure that is the hallmark of the shame-based addict.
The sense of failure cannot be eliminated until it is seen in a broader perspective: namely, that the shame results from no less than "soul murder" by the dominant culture in which the person was unable to thrive: To thrive, is the privilege of those who have not been ravaged by shame as a result of prejudice, abuse and abandonment, which, in its wake, condemns of the self as foul, by its being viewed and hence internalized, as immoral, impulsive, and selfish beyond forgiveness.
Before shame-based people can develop new identities, they must disentangle their identities from the strangulation of toxic shaming and the affects of what Kaufman, calls "a sickness of the soul".
Ongoing Recovery Work:
1) Meaning-Making/Re-framingToxic shame and it's imposed displacement, affects not only people in recovery from addictions, but those whose brain chemistry has a different rhythm and pattern than others who meet the cultural norms. i.e. artistic and intuitive types. Modern western civilization favors the left brain (logic) over the right (imaginal, intuitive and artistic nature).
2) Awareness, Imagery, Creativity and Re-ScriptingIn putting a stop to the devastating effects of toxic shaming it is necessary to educate the addictive systems about the causes and effects of it. The recovering person must also develop awareness of when she is feeling shamed and to consciously interrupt her negative thought patterns with new positive ones. Over time this will cause a positive change.
We take with us, from shameful or traumatic scenes, "snapshots" that effect how we relate to future situations--situations that unconsciously bring back the experience of being shamed. We can however, rework our internal movies and change the scripts through self-hypnosis, meditation, or with a therapist who is familiar with imagery work. In reworking shame scenes, the neuro-pathways in the brain become re-aligned, and more positive currents and chemistry can actually begin to flow.
Imagery is much different from fantasy. It is less arbitrary and more reality-based, and it occurs spontaneously, like a dream that exposes underlying feelings.. It is congruent with Buddhist teachings: to observe sensations and thoughts, and in so doing heightens awareness necessary for change. Changing the imagery of "movies in the mind" that get triggered automatically/unconsciously, is of primary importance: images are primal and pre-verbal.
3) Ego repair Develop creative expression, meaningful or positive work habits, personal supports, and ego psychotherapies. Track and replace negative internal dialogue: what we tell ourselves under stress.
4) Kinesthetic/Spiritual Repair …practicing loving kindness towards oneself
and others through actions, meditations, and
contemplation
5) Name and Return Shame Recognize that at certain times what you feel is toxic shame and name it as such. Understand that you inherited toxic shame from others who "dumped" their own shame onto you. Next, mentally refuse to carry that load any longer (i.e. imagine giving the shame back, as in handing back an unopened box to the person who shamed you).
6) Understand the abuser Consider how the shaming person had also been shamed.
7) Repetition Reminders/affirmations from self and others that you are neither mad nor bad.
Avoid Negatives/Triggers/ Build Supports When the ego is still fragile, it is necessary to avoid or to leave behind triggers, including people who have a shaming affect; replacing them with not only internally accepting scripts/imagery, but recovery groups and new acquaintances, work settings, places to go, and friends.
9) Strengthen Internal Boundaries Build boundaries against shaming messages that can arise from the addictive system as one gets better and thus threatens that shaming system.
10) Practice and Build Frustration Tolerance Shame-based people tend to be outwardly focused on finding a "quick fix", because they have been taught to mistrust and fear what is inside themselves. Build awareness of when one’s frustration tolerance is low and practice tolerance. This can enormously strengthen the ego.
