Common N Phrases

[reallyME]

Hi all.

I thought it would be insightful and helpful to share some common N-statements in a thread on the board.  I want to just keep it down to a few, so that people will be able to quickly read what each person has to share:

"After all I've done for you!"

"You should be grateful I'm even letting you stay here.  I don't have to ya know."

"Of course I couldn't expect YOU to know that."

[gratitude28]

"Children should be seen and not heard."

"We would have done the same for you, but your sister is going to be going to medical school."

"IS your husband working for the GENERAL? Are you working for the college PRESIDENT? Of course she hates to clean, that's why she had a MAID."

"I bet your friend's wife has a NANNY and  MAID. She is that type."

"I don't care if you sleep with every man around here."

"Of course you named your child something weird. I knew you would."

"Look what I got!!! It was expensive... but I have been wanting one FOREVER." (said once a day about something or another).

[chris2]

Good topic! Here are my contributions.

You have a very vivid imagination

(gaslighting, defensiveness)

I don't remember that (said flatly, not with surprise)

(defensiveness)

Why do you always have to bring up your old grudges?

(defensiveness, demeaning)

I think you read too much

(demeaning)

You can be very difficult to love/live with/put up with

(demeaning)

You're so independent (said sarcastically)

(demeaning, attempting to control)

I'm sorry you felt that I...

(defensiveness)

I'm sorry if I...

(defensiveness)

I (insert abuse of choice) you because I had it hard and you pushed me over the edge

(blaming)

No one appreciates me!/loves me!/takes care of me!

(selfishness, whining, complaining)

It's hard to be a parent (nowadays)

(defensiveness)

While you're up, would you...(request for service)

(attention seeking)

Since you're making money now, don't you think you should pay for that yourself?

(parentification)

You're so oversensitive!

(demeaning, defensiveness)

It's easy for you/it's different for you (in response to your complaints)

(self-absorption, minimization)

I'm sure you're wrong/he didn't mean it like that (on a subject of which the narcissist is completely ignorant)

(demeaning)

I was just joking! (in response to your complaint about their hostility)

(gaslighting)

I'd like you to do something for me

(self-absorption)

You're so selfish!

(projection)

[gratitude28]

Borrowing from Chris:

"I'm sure you misunderstood/are wrong about that."


More...

"You always have to do something different."

"Don't you find that boring? How can you be interested in that?"

"I'm sure that person did something to have that happen to him/her."

"Can you imagine people do that?" (Ususally something she does).

"Anyone who thinks Hemingway isn't great is an idiot."

"I don't care what anyone thinks; even if he is a mobster; even if he did molest children... I think he is nice; he is family...."

[Healing&Hopeful]

Good topic.... here's a few from me....

"you will have to accept I am what I am, and that is that. I was born this way. I may not like it, but I have to accept it, and so do others"

"Once you have children, your life comes second BUT the children have to respect you, and your views. This is the main reason for most of societies ills today."

"The person at fault, is the one in the wrong. That is not usually debatable."  (which of course is never him!)

"Most of what you say is absolutely and totally wrong"

"As your father I have to tell you, otherwise I would be failing in my duty."

"You are wrong to follow the devil, but that is your choice"

I could go on and on with this... but I'll finish with this paragraph:-
"Society today puts the man with the most money at the top. It says he is 'successful'. The man who can buy a new car daily is 'successful'. The worlds resources cannot sustain everyone having a car, let alone everyone having a new car daily, so this is wrong. This is how I am different. It does not make me wrong."

On edit - one more:-
"Yes I may be wrong not to go to church, if there was one that met my beliefs. Maybe I just don't know of it."

[Hopalong]

"Tired? You're always tired."

[reallyME]

"you don't like vanilla, honey."  (choosing my flavor for me).  (turning to clerk)  "She'll take strawberry."  (arguing) "But I'm allergic to strawberries, Mom."  (thru gritted teeth, eyes on clerk) "Shhhhh, dear, let's not make a scene over this, shall we?"

"You dont' wanna take that class.  Try this one...it's more along the lines of your intelligence level" (LITERALLY SAID TO ME BY MY OWN MOTHER WHO IS NOT A TOTAL N, BUT HAS SOME N CHARACTERISTICS, AS FAR AS IMAGE-DRIVEN GOES)

[Lily_]

My two cents:

"I know you better than you know yourself."

"Never trust anyone outside of the family."

"Honey, those guys are looking at ME.  We look like sisters anyways."  (Said by my mother when we were walking through my university campus.)

"You won't be successful in life.  You have a big mouth and you've been fired so many times already."  (Projected by my father)

"This hurts me more than it hurts you."

-Lily

[Portia]

Good thread Laura. I still feel myself becoming rightfully angry on your (plural you) behalf when i read this stuff. I don't expect to reach a stage, or a way of being, where this sort of verbal abuse doesn't strike some chord in me. Maybe I will? I don't know. I just feel for the kids you were. I know you're not kids now, but my sad anger is for the past, my past, your past. And for some, it's in your present too, I realise that. It still hurts right, today? If only we could stop it happening to kids today. Can we? I doubt it. Anyway, hugs to all of you above. Hugs to kids who have it happening right now too. Please keep posting. ((((((((()))))))))

[Hopalong]

I think verbal put-downs can hurt as much as some blows do.
And the scars, because they're invisible...are disabling in a different way.

You look in the mirror and don't see the just-fine person.

Hops

"You think YOU have problems? Well I blah-blah-and blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...:"

[portia guest]

I'm feeling huggy. ((((((((((((Hops))))))))) more than just fine