Yes, sabotage seems to be the primary tool of my mother and my estranged husband. With my mother, she tends to exhort me continually to rest and take time for myself while asking me to do her little errands, usually something veyr time-consuming and of dubious value.
I just go ahead and agree, and then make a very half-hearted effort. When I fail to come through, as planned, I have good excuses why I could not stay on hold for 45 minutes to change her reservation. I say that the kids are so demanding and I am so tired and I tried but bla bla bla......eventually she gives up and takes back the task. When she makes her visit reservations at the very time I have told her repeatedly that we will be away, I do not offer any kind of change, responsibility, or even sympathy, I just listen to her complaints about how she will have to pay more and then repeat the dates, ask if she has it now and can she tell me when she has changed it.
With my H, it is not that simple, since the tasks are all very present and necessary. So, I basically withdraw from him. If he is too unwilling to take good care of the kids, I just take them away for an all day outing and he does not see them, and I will do this as many times as it takes or until I drop from exhaustion. He finally got it and is more willing to look after them while I do errands, and all the fun (not) things I have to do. If he is inconsiderate, I wait until he sits down and then tell him he needs to serve his own plate, or for every message he forgets to pass on, I forget to pass one on too.
I guess this is wicked and evil but it works for me!
Plucky
