I don't post often, that's funny, okay I have only posted one other time, maybe two!, but it feels so good to have something in common with other people! Maybe I haven't read through all the topics and this subject may have already been addressed several times, but I am curious about how you feel about spending money on yourself and other people? And for those of you raised by a N parent (s) what their views were about money. My N mother was very stingy, not with herself, but with other people, including me and my sister who is pretty much estranged from my mother at this point. We were goodwill store clothes, she wore very nice clothes, she would give away used items for birthday presents, xmas presents, etc. I never went to a McDonalds until I was 12 years old, she was so neurotic about money, she would take her purse to her bedroom with her every night, and in fact, it wasn't until last May that I have ever even looked in her purse, and the only reason I did was because she was put in the hospital ICU and I had to get her id cards out of her purse (by the way, 42 years of wondering what the hell she had in her purse and quite frankly after finally getting to look in it, I have no idea why she she has taken it in the bedroom every night with her!
My father died last year, my mother doesn't drive has never worked, etc, and in May she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, she is now on chemo, but the outlook isn't very promising, she is an alcoholic and has continued to drink through chemo. I probably sound very cold about all this, but I love her really, it has been a very difficult year for me, and I have pretty much come to peace with everything that has happened regarding my father's death and my mother's impending death. Plus some counseling and Xanax have helped alot! My mother received a small (less than $75,000) life insurance policy from my dad(I have to mention - she is so stingy and paranoid over her money, that it took me and the bank 20 minutes to convince her that if she put the life insurance check into a savings account it would be FDIC insured - because she was certain that the bank was up to no good by wanting her to put her money into a savings account rather than checking account), her house is paid for, plus she receives ss every month. Because she doesn't drive, and I am her only family, and of course because of her illness, I have taken mega amounts of time off from work unpaid. But my mother is a tightwad and I mean she puts the tight in tightwad. Since May, my paycheck shows almost $5000.00 away with out pay, I live 15 miles away from her, so a round trip takes some gas, I have made these round trips sometimes 3 times a day when she was first diagnosed with colon cancer. ( I know your thinking - why don't I just have her moved closer to me, well she doesn't want to move because she is afraid it will upset her dog - I am sure that this would sound crazy to most people, but if you have had an N parent, this probably makes sense to you!) I take her shopping every Saturday morning which is about 4 hours, and believe me, being around her is very difficult. My husband goes over to her house and does any and all of her repairs, even the absolute ridiculous ones such as trimming the bushes in her backyard because she is afraid the rabbits that live under the bushes might give her dog rabies (you can't convince her otherwise - I know it sounds strange) which brings me to my story:
Last June, my mom needed her hedges trimmed so her dog wouldn't get rabies from the rabbits who live under the hedges, she called every night for a week, even though I kept telling her it wouldn't be until Saturday when my husband would come over to trim them. Which he did, and he accidental left his clippers at her house - if you have ever bought a pair of good clippers you know they don't come cheap - they are about 50 bucks or so. I called her and told her don't let me forget to pick up the clippers next time I come over, and out of the blue she says "their not your clippers their mine" I tell my husband and he says just let her have them, don't worry about, etc. So, now it is October, and she has him come over to do some projects, and he goes into the garage and he says some plastic grocery store bags strategically placed over something on the garage floor - i might add she has nothing in her gargage, so these bags are very noticeable to my husband. He lifts one of the bags and underneath are the clippers, so knowing her very well, we figured she remembered the clippers at the last minute and ran out to the garage and covered them up with plastic bags so my husband wouldn't see them and try to take them home.
And this is just one ridiculous story, and I have a thousand more just as unbelievable, just like it. But they are all true I swear!
My husband and I are simple people, we have fairly nice, but modest incomes and are not very materialistic. However, being raised the way I was I still have problems spending money on myself. I don't go overboard with my children, but I make sure that the clothes they have are stylish and that they won't get made fun of. I am not stingy with other people. But, i still have issues with buying myself anything brand new. And if someone spends money on me - i feel very uncomfortable. I am curious if anyone can relate to this?
mrs johnson
